College transition is stressing me out

[rhabdoviridae]

If he isn't willing to put an effort into meeting your needs emotionally, I'm not sure what to tell you Sure, everyone has to compromise every now and then, even on important things, but it sounds as though he isn't putting any effort into meeting you half way and that isn't fair to you.

I would be tempted to tell him that you're not feeling optimistic about the future of your relationship as he doesn't seem interested in improving his communication with you or making you feel loved in the way that you want to feel loved. Seem what he says to that and go from there is my best advice. Good luck!

[tinkerbell]

If he isn't willing to put an effort into meeting your needs emotionally, I'm not sure what to tell you Sure, everyone has to compromise every now and then, even on important things, but it sounds as though he isn't putting any effort into meeting you half way and that isn't fair to you.

I would be tempted to tell him that you're not feeling optimistic about the future of your relationship as he doesn't seem interested in improving his communication with you or making you feel loved in the way that you want to feel loved. Seem what he says to that and go from there is my best advice. Good luck!

I'm like about ready to cry. I brought it up again how I'd feel better if he'd give me more affection, and he said that I have been complaining too much for him to be lovey dovey. I feel like such an idiot. Now he says the distance isn't worth it and we should just give up. He said he loves me but it's probably not going to work out. And the only reason I'm sure he's thinking is because of how I've been. I regret so much for venting my frustrations on him a lot and now this is what I get. I'm trying to convince him that we can make it work out and I'm going to change. I see my mistake and I honestly want to give it an honest effort. He's being super pessimistic about us being successful and says that waiting to see each other 1-2 months is unsustainable for us. I'm so depressed now I regret ever bringing this subject up or we would be fine right now. He says he feels we aren't in a relationship anymore and that he already gave us a chance. I told him it was the first month of us being away and that it was bound to be rocky but that things would improve. It seems he isn't interested anymore. Omg, I'm just in a mess right now.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I see my mistake and I honestly want to give it an honest effort. He's being super pessimistic about us being successful and says that waiting to see each other 1-2 months is unsustainable for us. I'm so depressed now I regret ever bringing this subject up or we would be fine right now.

I know this sucks, but no, you wouldn't be fine if you'd never brought it up. If you hadn't brought it up, you'd have continued to feel miserable and unwanted.

In relationships, if your needs aren't being met, you do need to bring it up. And if they can't be met, it doesn't mean you shouldn't have brought it up, it means that as hard as it is, this just might not be the right situation or the right relationship.

It sucks, it's hard, I know.. but don't you want to be in a relationship where you feel loved and attractive and secure? That's not what you were getting, and you deserve to have it.

[RachelAnne]

I know this sucks, but no, you wouldn't be fine if you'd never brought it up. If you hadn't brought it up, you'd have continued to feel miserable and unwanted.

In relationships, if your needs aren't being met, you do need to bring it up. And if they can't be met, it doesn't mean you shouldn't have brought it up, it means that as hard as it is, this just might not be the right situation or the right relationship.

It sucks, it's hard, I know.. but don't you want to be in a relationship where you feel loved and attractive and secure? That's not what you were getting, and you deserve to have it.

I agree with this. You had to have brought it up..and I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if he did want to be with you, he WOULD be putting in an effort to making things work, instead of just dropping the relationship like that. You should want to be with someone who will make the effort to make you feel loved, and he wasn't meeting your needs.

[tinkerbell]

Well I guess we're over for now. He says he's too to busy and focused with school to maintain a long distance committed relationship. We've come to terms to be good friends for now and we can still text everyday as friends (but not as often). He said it would be okay to call or skype but only as friends. He says that this could be temporary and that we could still be intimate in person "depending on our situations". I asked him we could just go on a break and I guess that's what we're going to call it. He says we can still "hang out" as friends on his breaks and we can see how things go and maybe get more serious again later. It's not what I want and I'm really depressed about it but I guess that's his only solution. He says he only loves me as a best friend and that we will get back together if thats where destiny leads us. I am still going to see him on his break in two weeks, do you guys think maybe he will forget about how good we had it and want to be something more again?

[silvermoonfairy3]

Well I guess we're over for now. He says he's too to busy and focused with school to maintain a long distance committed relationship. We've come to terms to be good friends for now and we can still text everyday as friends (but not as often). He said it would be okay to call or skype but only as friends. He says that this could be temporary and that we could still be intimate in person "depending on our situations". I asked him we could just go on a break and I guess that's what we're going to call it. He says we can still "hang out" as friends on his breaks and we can see how things go and maybe get more serious again later. It's not what I want and I'm really depressed about it but I guess that's his only solution. He says he only loves me as a best friend and that we will get back together if thats where destiny leads us. I am still going to see him on his break in two weeks, do you guys think maybe he will forget about how good we had it and want to be something more again?

Honestly, I would suggest NOT seeing him on his break in two weeks, and letting yourself move on a bit before trying to be friends. Chances are he's moved on in his mind and wants to be platonic, but also.. I don't mean this offensively and I could be wrong because I don't know this guy...he sounds a little skeazy with the "could still be intimate" part.

You (I'm guessing from your posts) still want to be in a committed relationship with this guy. If he doesn't want that, texting together, skyping, etc. is just going to hurt you and keep you waiting on things. And whether it's intentional or just naive/selfish, he's trying to keep you waiting, by saying that it could be temporary and that maybe he'll still sleep with you if you're both single when you happen to see each other in person.

Think about how that really comes across. He says that you two could still be intimate in person "depending on situations."
That to me reads like "well, if I'm not banging some other chick exclusively, and we meet up in person, I could be up for banging you." It just comes across very arrogant and self-centered to me, like he could deign to be intimate with you. I hope you have more respect for yourself than to just go for that.*

* Asterisk because I'm not intending to slut-shame here. If you just wanna be friends with benefits and fool around, that's your call. But you seem to have very deep feelings for this guy, and I don't think you'd be happy with just being a fuckbuddy.

Personally, I would suggest taking a real break from him, as in no contact for awhile. Give yourself some space to process the situation, give yourself the respect to not be hanging on him and waiting to see if he'll want something else, etc. The best thing to do is usually to start moving on as if it's done. If it's not, then things may change down the road, and if it really is done, you're getting a good jump on the healing process.

I'm sorry this sucks.. Good luck.

[differentcountries]

Don't put up with being his so called friend slash booty call. If you are still in love with him, that set up may hurt you very much. Consentrate on the friends that can really be there for you. Let him have his random fun apart from you. If you are interested in random fun, at least have it with someone who cares what you want....

[tinkerbell]

Honestly, I would suggest NOT seeing him on his break in two weeks, and letting yourself move on a bit before trying to be friends. Chances are he's moved on in his mind and wants to be platonic, but also.. I don't mean this offensively and I could be wrong because I don't know this guy...he sounds a little skeazy with the "could still be intimate" part.

You (I'm guessing from your posts) still want to be in a committed relationship with this guy. If he doesn't want that, texting together, skyping, etc. is just going to hurt you and keep you waiting on things. And whether it's intentional or just naive/selfish, he's trying to keep you waiting, by saying that it could be temporary and that maybe he'll still sleep with you if you're both single when you happen to see each other in person.

Think about how that really comes across. He says that you two could still be intimate in person "depending on situations."
That to me reads like "well, if I'm not banging some other chick exclusively, and we meet up in person, I could be up for banging you." It just comes across very arrogant and self-centered to me, like he could deign to be intimate with you. I hope you have more respect for yourself than to just go for that.*

* Asterisk because I'm not intending to slut-shame here. If you just wanna be friends with benefits and fool around, that's your call. But you seem to have very deep feelings for this guy, and I don't think you'd be happy with just being a fuckbuddy.

Personally, I would suggest taking a real break from him, as in no contact for awhile. Give yourself some space to process the situation, give yourself the respect to not be hanging on him and waiting to see if he'll want something else, etc. The best thing to do is usually to start moving on as if it's done. If it's not, then things may change down the road, and if it really is done, you're getting a good jump on the healing process.

I'm sorry this sucks.. Good luck.

I do know what kind of a person he is and he isn't the type to be a sleazeball and go around having sex with girls. I was talking to my mom and explained to her the situation and she said that he is probably just as emotional about this as I am but being cold to me about it is his way of coping with the breakup. The only reason why he doesn't wan't us to be in a "relationship" right now is because he is too focused on school and doesn't think he has the time commitment for me. And then his other reason was because we lack human interaction and just texting all day isn't good enough and doesn't have the time for it. He also said he has very little time to call or skype and since my microphone for skype doesn't work its all the more reason it sucks. And also he said "friends don't have sex" so he obviously isn't comfortable with the idea of being a "fuckbuddy". I think what he means by "depending on our situations" if I haven't found someone to replace him if he's ready to come back to me down the road and I still want to get intimate with him again we could resume our relationship. He has had a major change of attitude about this and this was not at all how he was like before he left. I think he's super stressed over the time commitment it takes to succeed in his education and he is having a hard time coping. My mom thinks after while he will come to his senses and realize what an idiot he has been and will come running back to me. I'm not quite sure what to think at this point but I'd be willing to wait for him even if it just means being "good friends" for now. I think the idea of "boyfriend girlfriend relationship" scares him now that he's in school. I think it would be a good idea to still see him in two weeks and see how things go. I don't want to just give up on this yet and I think deep down he still loves and cares for me but is burying his emotions.

[differentcountries]

Breaking up while you while asking you to still wait for him is actually worse.

[rhabdoviridae]

I'll add my voice to those urging you to tread carefully. If you see him over his break, of course things will be better, because his issue is with the distance. But what happens after he goes back after his break? Things go back to the way they were because he doesn't want to deal with the distance. That won't change and it won't change until you're in the same area again.

This break up is still fresh and I know you want to be optimistic, but I think you're only going to end up even more hurt by continuing to talk to him regularly or even being intimate with him when he comes home. It's just not fair to you and your emotions. I think the best thing is to just cut your contact with him and start moving on. I'm sorry

[tinkerbell]

I'll add my voice to those urging you to tread carefully. If you see him over his break, of course things will be better, because his issue is with the distance. But what happens after he goes back after his break? Things go back to the way they were because he doesn't want to deal with the distance. That won't change and it won't change until you're in the same area again.

This break up is still fresh and I know you want to be optimistic, but I think you're only going to end up even more hurt by continuing to talk to him regularly or even being intimate with him when he comes home. It's just not fair to you and your emotions. I think the best thing is to just cut your contact with him and start moving on. I'm sorry

I still want to be friends with him at the minimum. At this point in life he's like the closest person I have right now and I get so lonely when I can't talk to him at all. I just really want to see him on his break and he says he wants to see me too despite being a "little nervous that it might be awkward and I'll be sad". Even though in two weeks maybe it will be HIM being the sad one. I just really want to see it goes maybe he'll realize the distance right now isn't as awful as he's making it to be.