University Freshers LDR

[HollyAlana]

Hi...
I have been with my SO for a year and we were not an LDR couple, I have seen him everyday of my life for a year and we couldn't have been closer. He saved me when I was going through an incredibly difficult part of my life, and I didn't know how much longer I would be around...he became my rock and now, a year on, he has just gone this weekend to university 6 hours away. That may not seem like a lot but it feels it when your a 17 year old girl with no car and no money...

As it's Freshers week we haven't spoken on the phone and have only briefly texted as he is so busy...

He is out partying every night whilst I sit am home doing college work and feeling miserable

I don't know how to keep myself busy? Any advice
I'm also paranoid as he is living with girls...
Which is stupid because he is incredibly trust worthy...
How do I keep our communication strong when he seems to busy to talk?

As you can tell I'm a worrier....

Thank you for any support it will be greatly appreciated :')

H

[rhabdoviridae]

There are many ways to keep yourself busy. It sounds like you're already taking classes right now, but I would make time to hang out with friends or family - maybe do a weekly potluck or board game/cards night where you can all hang out and have fun. You might also consider a new hobby or physical activity like taking a walk every morning or learning how to knit. I also like to volunteer when I have free time - it can be a one-day kind of thing like cleaning up a park with an organization or a more dedicated commitment like walking dogs at your local animal shelter.

Keeping communication strong is really a two-way street. What works for us is to talk every night before bed. It's a dedicated time and if one or both of us will be out, we let each other know ahead of time. Starting school is a big transition, but I think that he can find even 15 minutes to talk to your every night before bed or in the morning on his way to class. You may have to compromise on how frequently or how long you can chat each time, but I think the more he gets settled in, the easier it will be to come up with a routine. It sounds like you're pretty understanding of him being busy right now, which is great

[HollyAlana]

Thankyou, that was a great message full of ideas, i think my greatest downfall will be over thinking, i do think my friends are crucial right now :*

[Redheart14]

There are many ways to keep yourself busy. It sounds like you're already taking classes right now, but I would make time to hang out with friends or family - maybe do a weekly potluck or board game/cards night where you can all hang out and have fun. You might also consider a new hobby or physical activity like taking a walk every morning or learning how to knit. I also like to volunteer when I have free time - it can be a one-day kind of thing like cleaning up a park with an organization or a more dedicated commitment like walking dogs at your local animal shelter.

Keeping communication strong is really a two-way street. What works for us is to talk every night before bed. It's a dedicated time and if one or both of us will be out, we let each other know ahead of time. Starting school is a big transition, but I think that he can find even 15 minutes to talk to your every night before bed or in the morning on his way to class. You may have to compromise on how frequently or how long you can chat each time, but I think the more he gets settled in, the easier it will be to come up with a routine. It sounds like you're pretty understanding of him being busy right now, which is great

I think this says it all

[Cat-and-Austin]

I know exactly how you fell, my SO is currently doing her freshers right now and we barely get anytime at all. I'm a big worrier like yourself.

[HollyAlana]

It really sucks, i feel like he is rebuilding his whole life there...and me being so far away makes me feel like i may not be included in that. It would be different if i was at freshers to. But life has carried on just as boringly as ever whilst i know he is having a blast xxx

[ronjaandbirk]

I just recently went through the exact same scenario only that we've never not been LD, we just used to talk alot more. I have huuuge abandonment issues so it's safe to say I went a little crazy.
I think what helped me the most was repeatedly telling myself that if it was the other way around i would do the exact same thing: party more and have less time to text, and be busy with all the new impressions. I know that would never change my feelings for him, and that somehow makes it easier to believe that the difference in lifestyles won't affect what he feels for me.
Just remember that this is a normal situation and that you have every right to feel this way but that its a bit unreasonable to be too scared and miserable.
Just express that you need communication still, and you should be good. Routine will settle in pretty fast and then things will be a whole other story again. See it as a temporary thing

Good luck to the both of you!

[Laladoo]

I've actually been in your situation, but it was the other way around. I was the one going to uni and his life continued as usual at home. All I can say is just relax. Freshers doesn't last long and after it things will be back to normal. It was hard for us(me) to find time for each other because he was working during the day, and in he evening I would go out. Freshers is all about making new friends and having fun, but because my SO's life continued as always he didn't understand and thought I didn't care about us which caused some arguments. I didn't know anyone at uni so for me it was important to get to know people, and that's probably how your boyfriend feels. Soon everything will settle and go back to normal, but of course you should tell him if you want to talk to him more often. Maybe you can suggest that you do it before he/you goes out in the evening? And I would definitely not worry about the other girls, most people I got to know already had a partner.

Edit: Realised that it has already been a week since you started the thread so freshers is probably over. I hope everything is good with you two now!

[HollyAlana]

Hey, god thats so good to hear, im so glad...quick question? How did you cope with barely getting to talk? Im struggling with how i feel like he doesnt have time for me anymore

[Laladoo]

Well, during freshers I was quite busy so it worked better than I thought. Of course I missed him but I was pretty occupied. But after fresher I think we started talking again every day. Is his freshers over but he's still says he's busy? I understand that it must be harder for you because you're on the other end so to say. I know everyone says this, and it's hard and a boring answer, but try to keep busy. Maybe plan a visit there and think of stuff you can do? However, if he still doesn't give you enough time of his day I would say talk to him. To me it's understandable during freshers, but not really after it has finished because then he should know what his days will look like and make time for you.

[HollyAlana]

Thank you again for your reply<3 yeah his freshers is finished and we have had odd moments here and there to talk but normally for like 2 mins before he says he has to rush off, when he does reply its only ever one word answers and its so frustrating! Like, im literally desperate to talk to him and it feels like he doesnt really have space for me in his life....but i know he loves me and is faithful....argh xx

[amaliab]

Ah, Fresher's week... Don't we all hate those words...
Maybe take up a short term project you had been wanting to do but couldn't find the time to? Or make him something for when Fresher's in over that you can post in the mail or something?
Just keep yourself busy, and if he really is trustworthy, don't worry about it too much. Worrying usually leads to quarrelling and that's always stressful in any relationship, let alone an LDR. Hope this helps x

[banana-pancake]

Heya!

I'm not really sure if this works for you, but my girlfriend and I set aside a time of the day to speak to each other daily. We call it 'Us Time'. In my timezone it's around 6pm, and in her timezone it is 9pm. So we chat for about 2-3 hours until we go to bed. Haha. Most of the time it is over FaceTime. Perhaps your SO is really busy, but ask him if he can set aside a time every day to talk. Even 5 minutes would be something!

During 'Us Time' we talk about the silliest things, like how I flipped when I saw someone wearing an underwear on his head. It brings us together. Perhaps you guys could try it!