Feeling disconnected sometimes...?

[kaybeee]

There are definitely days where I feel disconnected from my SO. He has said that he's not used to having someone to open up to so it's new for him to open up to someone. When he was younger he would hide his emotions a lot from his parents and friends so this is the first time he's really had someone he could share with. Sometimes, I just feel disconnected even when we have a good Skype call. We haven't seen each other for almost two months which isn't too long compared to some of you I'm sure, but even on our good days it just feels like we're not connected. Maybe I just miss his physical touch, but I'm not sure :/ Sometimes when we Skype, he ends up zoning out on Reddit....that bothers me and I've told him before, but I think he forgets or doesn't notice that he's zoning out. Sometimes we do homework together through skype and I feel really connected to him when I know we're both working on homework, but sometimes even during homework he zones out on Reddit or Youtube or something. He gets distracted really easily. Whenever we do homework and I catch him zoning out, I say "Hey, what are you doing?" and then he just kinda smiles and goes back to homework. But when we're just talking about our day he just says really simple things like "went to school, work...." or he'll say "just studied..." and it's so hard for me to feel like I'm connected to him if that's all he says. He told me he knows it's something he has to work on, but it's still the same. How can I ask him to put more detail into how his day was? It sounds stupid, but I just want to know even the smallest things that happened throughout his day.

[Redheart14]

How often do you have talk? Maybe his day isn't interesting. Try other topics, he might feel more comfortable talking about other topics.

[p_b82]

My GF and I have different levels of default communication, I live alone, and work from home, so it can get pretty lonely. As a result I like to know all the small details about what she is doing.

She is a single parent of 5 kids, and works - to her the idea of relaxing is not sat slaved to her phone, or dropping every minute detail of her day. we chat via hangouts throughout the day, but rarely have a voice call. and have never video called.

It took us a bit of time to work out that we wanted different things from our communication, I have tried to stop bombarding her with messages all day (if I do, I just get answers to the last one pretty much) and she makes more of an effort to provide details.

I would suggest that if the time you guys are skyping etc is not 'quality time' don't do it quite as frequently, or for as long a duration, or ask him again not to log into other programs while you are doing it. Sometimes if things happen too frequently they can be taken for granted.

I do second the talking about other things, he might get the feeling that you are being nosey if all you are asking him about is what he is doing - I am sure that is not the intention, but it can be perceived differently by others than how we intend at times.

[kaybeee]

My GF and I have different levels of default communication, I live alone, and work from home, so it can get pretty lonely. As a result I like to know all the small details about what she is doing.

She is a single parent of 5 kids, and works - to her the idea of relaxing is not sat slaved to her phone, or dropping every minute detail of her day. we chat via hangouts throughout the day, but rarely have a voice call. and have never video called.

It took us a bit of time to work out that we wanted different things from our communication, I have tried to stop bombarding her with messages all day (if I do, I just get answers to the last one pretty much) and she makes more of an effort to provide details.

I would suggest that if the time you guys are skyping etc is not 'quality time' don't do it quite as frequently, or for as long a duration, or ask him again not to log into other programs while you are doing it. Sometimes if things happen too frequently they can be taken for granted.

I do second the talking about other things, he might get the feeling that you are being nosey if all you are asking him about is what he is doing - I am sure that is not the intention, but it can be perceived differently by others than how we intend at times.

Thanks for your answers. I think one thing I'm also learning is that guys and girls are different. I talked to one of my best guy friends about it and he said that it's normal for a guy to not really open up or be able to talk about his day in so much detail. We've decided to skype twice a week. Our first time was yesterday and it went better than our usual skype calls. We studied, but we also shared some really good laughs and were able to talk about things that were on our minds.

I also try to ask him things like how his friends are doing or how his family is doing. I try to ask him how work is going since he was talking about quitting his job, and I open up and share things with him as well.

[differentcountries]

You don't have to talk about your day. Sometimes you can talk about your past, or dream about your future. You can ask him what is on his mind, or what his friends are up to. You can talk about any subject; movies, politics, food, how to plan the next visit, pets, sex... The options are endless.

[lovelike]

Also ask yourself if you're asking for too much.
Maybe you should only talk a few times a week instead of everyday.
He might be stressed about school or trying to hang out with friends.
That way you might have more to talk about on those days too.

Same goes for you, make sure you're not neglecting your friends and anybody else physically around you.

I know it's hard not to think about the other person all the time but don't forget that you are your own person!
I've learned this from past experience.

[amaliab]

OP, my boyfriend used to have a really hard time opening up to me.
But after telling him several times that he could trust me and I'd be with him through thick and thin, he's gained trust. It took some 2 years though, and now he tells me more than he does anyone else.
On the distraction thing... Mine does the same. And after four years I've just learned to accept that he has a short attention span, really. Sometimes I'm talking to him and if I mention something he'll google it, and that'll lead to at least 10 minutes where I'm not getting any attention. Eventually, you learn to shrug it off and do your own stuff until their attention reverts back to you. I still get upset sometimes, and I make it obvious. Usually he doesn't even know what he's doing wrong and I have to explain why I'm frustrated.