Let me start off by saying, I debated for awhile to post on a website about what's going on with my relationship. But, I figured the best place to do it is where people understand where I'm coming from. This will also be a kinda long post! Fair warning...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years, a year and some change of those have been long distance. I'm 25 and he's 29. We met in Boston in 2010 and kind of dated for a month, then lost touch. Then in 2011, we became friends again, then started dating officially, saying "I love you" within a few weeks of dating.
A year after we are together and in Boston (2012), he loses his job and moves back home to Albany, NY. We do the long distance thing, I work and he's living at home and trying to make things work. In 2013, I decide to go to school in NYC. I wanted to do something for myself. But, I ended up not really digging the school and had begun the process of applying to transfer to another school.
We had our ups and downs, I was in an unfamiliar place and trying to call and text him to feel comfortable, which was silly of me because I should just acclimate myself. He visited me in May of this year. There was an instance where I saw texts to another girl, kind of flirty. I brought it up to him and he said "I know exactly what you saw". We talked it out, and to my knowledge, it has resolved itself.
So now I am at another school in Western Massachusetts. Over the summer, we had a lot of ups and downs, trying to cope with the distance, albeit not too far (about 2.5 hours). He had been struggling to get a job that whole time, taking odd jobs, getting depressed and frustrated from that and living at home again. He finally got a legitimate 9-5 job in June or July something he has never had. Every time I talk to him, he says how stressed he is at work and doesn't know if he's doing the right thing because he's a musician. Those feelings have seeped immensely into our relationship. He works M-F then Tues-Thurs he's busy till about 11 with projects with friends.
I'm the type of person when in a relationship, I give a lot to my partner. I care about them and want to show it. I'm a blunt person, but sometimes, I walk on eggshells as to not upset them so sometimes I keep my needs to myself. What I have realized is that the longer I did this, the longer my boyfriend got used to me not saying how I really felt sometimes, and it all became very passive between us. We just talked for 2 consecutive days of 2+ hour conversations about our lives and what our relationship is and such, very emotionally draining.
Then last night, we were supposed to talk to resolve if he was coming up to see me this weekend. It came down to him not having enough money for gas and eating out and such because he's putting a lot down for an apartment to finally move out of his parents house. I got frustrated because the week before he kept telling me he would, then went back on what he said. I expressed my frustration about that to him, and we kind of talked about that for awhile. It then came out with him saying he doesn't know if he can give me what I want, if he'll make me happy. He kept saying "I don't know" and there was a lot of silence, and I said "What do you know, tell me what you really want to say" and he said something along the lines of "I can't do this anymore, this relationship is stressing me out. I don't know if I can be in one right now". I ended up crying heavily, so did he. We were both so sad, and I kept saying I don't want to do this, I can;t imagine not talking to you, and he said he couldn't either.
He said he still wanted to be in my life, how can someone say that so soon?? I ended with 'I love you' because I wanted to hear him say it, but he didn't. He said he couldn't yet, and that his love might have changed, that that this was a whole 'nother topic. He said we would talk in a few days, then texted me this morning saying "good morning". I've been so lost, especially starting at another school and feeling lost within myself already.
I guess, I'm kind of asking what everyone thinks this really means, but I also just want peoples support and to know that this has happened to others. Thanks for reading my novel <3
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years, a year and some change of those have been long distance. I'm 25 and he's 29. We met in Boston in 2010 and kind of dated for a month, then lost touch. Then in 2011, we became friends again, then started dating officially, saying "I love you" within a few weeks of dating.
A year after we are together and in Boston (2012), he loses his job and moves back home to Albany, NY. We do the long distance thing, I work and he's living at home and trying to make things work. In 2013, I decide to go to school in NYC. I wanted to do something for myself. But, I ended up not really digging the school and had begun the process of applying to transfer to another school.
We had our ups and downs, I was in an unfamiliar place and trying to call and text him to feel comfortable, which was silly of me because I should just acclimate myself. He visited me in May of this year. There was an instance where I saw texts to another girl, kind of flirty. I brought it up to him and he said "I know exactly what you saw". We talked it out, and to my knowledge, it has resolved itself.
So now I am at another school in Western Massachusetts. Over the summer, we had a lot of ups and downs, trying to cope with the distance, albeit not too far (about 2.5 hours). He had been struggling to get a job that whole time, taking odd jobs, getting depressed and frustrated from that and living at home again. He finally got a legitimate 9-5 job in June or July something he has never had. Every time I talk to him, he says how stressed he is at work and doesn't know if he's doing the right thing because he's a musician. Those feelings have seeped immensely into our relationship. He works M-F then Tues-Thurs he's busy till about 11 with projects with friends.
I'm the type of person when in a relationship, I give a lot to my partner. I care about them and want to show it. I'm a blunt person, but sometimes, I walk on eggshells as to not upset them so sometimes I keep my needs to myself. What I have realized is that the longer I did this, the longer my boyfriend got used to me not saying how I really felt sometimes, and it all became very passive between us. We just talked for 2 consecutive days of 2+ hour conversations about our lives and what our relationship is and such, very emotionally draining.
Then last night, we were supposed to talk to resolve if he was coming up to see me this weekend. It came down to him not having enough money for gas and eating out and such because he's putting a lot down for an apartment to finally move out of his parents house. I got frustrated because the week before he kept telling me he would, then went back on what he said. I expressed my frustration about that to him, and we kind of talked about that for awhile. It then came out with him saying he doesn't know if he can give me what I want, if he'll make me happy. He kept saying "I don't know" and there was a lot of silence, and I said "What do you know, tell me what you really want to say" and he said something along the lines of "I can't do this anymore, this relationship is stressing me out. I don't know if I can be in one right now". I ended up crying heavily, so did he. We were both so sad, and I kept saying I don't want to do this, I can;t imagine not talking to you, and he said he couldn't either.
He said he still wanted to be in my life, how can someone say that so soon?? I ended with 'I love you' because I wanted to hear him say it, but he didn't. He said he couldn't yet, and that his love might have changed, that that this was a whole 'nother topic. He said we would talk in a few days, then texted me this morning saying "good morning". I've been so lost, especially starting at another school and feeling lost within myself already.
I guess, I'm kind of asking what everyone thinks this really means, but I also just want peoples support and to know that this has happened to others. Thanks for reading my novel <3
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