Balancing friendships with an LDR?

[lovingthealien]

Hey everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for a total of three years but we have just reached four months into being long distance. We've been doing pretty well -- no trust issues, feelings haven't faded, communication is healthy, etc. But one thing I'm worried about is that I'm not socializing enough at college. I've only made one good friend here, and I spend all my time either hanging out with her, talking to my boyfriend, or studying, leaving no time for meeting new people (if we weren't LDR, I could hang out with him and friends at the same time).

Has anyone else had this same feeling that they're missing out on the whole college experience by not socializing enough? How does everyone balance their LDR with socializing? Thanks!

[snow_girl]

See thats the thing I really like about LDRs is that you can hang out with friends more! Granted my SO isn't gone for as long of periods as some, we talk maybe once a day ranging from 5 min to 45-/+. We text often when he isn't at work, but that allows me to go out and have as much fun with my friends as I want while he is away and then when he is here I can focus on him. I think it balances out quite well. Seeing as how you and him are apart for months at a time, don't hide yourself in your room staring at a screen. Set times or days that you two will talk in person and for the rest of the time a text here and there while you are out with your friends should be just fine.

[Sarah96]

I feel the same way sometimes!! My roommate is ALWAYS going out with friends and partying and I just kinda sit in the room and relax and talk to my boyfriend. Now I'm not an overly social person to begin with... so I wouldn't want to go out multiple nights a week. But I do kinda feel like I'm missing out on the college experience that everyone seems to gush about. My time is always spent doing homework, ALWAYS doing homework, and talking to my boyfriend when he's not at work. I really don't have time to be partying and going out and meeting a ton of people. I've made a few friends but we don't hang out much outside of class since we're all pretty busy. Some might say it's not healthy but I have no problem spending my nights talking to my boyfriend and doing homework instead of going out and socializing. I really only have one true best friend and she's still in high school so I spend most of my other free time talking to her. A "lack" of a social life doesn't really bother me I guess.

[lovingthealien]

Sarah96:

Haha we're like the same people! I guess it doesn't bother me too much either, but I definitely feel like I should be socializing more.

[lovingthealien]

snow_girl:

I guess you're right... technically I should have more time to hang out with friends now that I'm in an LDR, lol. Now that I think about it, maybe it's less about how much time I have, and more about me not feeling the need to go out and make new friends because I already have a steady person to go to for comfort:/

[lovingthealien]

snow_girl:

I guess you're right... technically I should have more time to hang out with friends now that I'm in an LDR, lol. Now that I think about it, maybe it's less about how much time I have, and more about me not feeling the need to go out and make new friends because I already have a steady person to go to for comfort:/

[ClaryAsuna]

Personally I have never sought out friends so to speak. I've always just met people and we hit it off and became friends! That being said a LDR does give you more time to spend with friends. Don't be afraid to go out and you never know, you might just meet a friend!

[Honour]

Honestly? I prefer people to approach me. I'll never be the life and soul of a party, but I know when and how to have a good time. I like meeting new people, but I do prefer it on my own terms. Just because you're in an LDR doesn't mean you shouldn't have friends, just balance the books (something you'll get through time and practice) and you'll be fine!

[ilexopaca]

Hi! I'm currently in my first year of college, and I've had similar struggles with balancing out socializing with friends and talking to my SO. My SO and I skype every night, so I usually avoid doing things in the evening, which makes it even harder to make friends.

As for advice, I think one of the best things to do, if it's your kind of thing and if you have the time, is to get involved at something at college. Join a club, play an intramural sport, etc. It can be a really easy way to make friends! And it can give you a structured time for when to socialize with people, so you're less worried about figuring out when to hang out with them.

[RyanTheAsianBoy]

Trust takes a big part in the relationship! It may be hard but it is something really important. Having that trust, can show the other a lot about how you feel towards them.
There is always jealousy and envy of other around your significant other but that's where it comes in.

[Aly]

Hey, I'm totally in the same situation. I've just finished my first year at University and it's been over 2 1/2 years in my LDR. I find it really difficult to balance social/school/work and SO and if I'm honest I would rather talk to him rather than go on a night out. We are both very busy so at night is really the only time I get to talk to him. I usually try to meet up with people during the day so then I can talk to him at night. It does get a bit lonely but the best way I 'socialise' is by social media - not always the best way but I can still talk to friends while talking to my SO. If he was here it would actually be so much easier to go out tbh

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I am a student as well, but I am in my last year. I get trying to find time to balance, but that's what college is. You will ALWAYS have to find a balance because there isn't enough time in the day. However, I completely agree with snow_girl that I have way more time for friends now that I'm LD. The biggest thing is that I always prioritize my friends and use the "extra" time for my SO. That sounds bad, but you can't always be avoiding hanging out with people at night because you're talking to your SO. We have a rule that the people physically there come first. We will never be mad at each other if we can't skype one day because we're hanging out with friends. However, we also don't ditch each other for other people all the time. It's important to have that balance and it sounds like you aren't putting any priority into the people who are currently in your life other than your SO. People always complain because their CD friends get boyfriends and are never around. That same thing can happen to you if you prioritize your LD boyfriend over your friends. No one wants to feel like your second choice.

[hmrambling]

I'm not a student, but I have found that it's important to get out there and socialize. I get to know people and make sure I spend time with different people. It helps my morale and to feel better overall.

[Ella85]

Mainly I get to speak to my boyfriend between 12-3 pm my time and then late at night early morning unless it's his day off in which case it's usually between 5 and 11 pm. If I have stuff to do I will get it done in the morning unless I am meeting friends. Then I will let him know and we'll text instead. I think for him it's easier as I go to bed about 5pm his time.