Experiencing emotional distance

[kaybeee]

I've been in this ldr for about six months and we don't get to see each other too often. I noticed that every time we separate after a visit I miss him a lot but then I gradually feel an emotional disconnection. The longer we're apart, the more I feel it. Is there something wrong with our relationship? We keep in contact and always tell each other what's on our minds.I've noticed I'm definitely more of a people person so it's easier for me to just hang out with my friends than Skype him and he understands that but I'm afraid that eventually I won't want to make the effort to talk to him and we'll just slowly fall apart.

[p_b82]

If you drift apart because you don't want to make the effort then you have have made a conscious decision to do just that, IMO.... so the worry here is whether that is something that you are not sure you want or not...

Don't get me wrong, not saying that LDR's are easy, but if you want to keep the relationship alive, it requires a different kind of effort to a CD one. Some people are just not cut out for them.

After a visit the emotions for me are diminished - it is different being able to spend time physically with a person than at the end of a phone/pc/tablet etc; but my emotions & feelings are as strong whatever the distance..... and time doesn't change that.

[snow]

Nothing is wrong with feeling disconnected when you are not together. If you are a person who needs physical contact to feel connected, things like these will happen, but it is then even more important to make that effort and keep in touch. It'd be too easy to stop doing that. If you really love your SO, keep making the effort, because in the end it will be worth it when you meet again.

[Petals]

IMO, it is somewhat troubling that you feel emotional distance after being a LDR for only 6 months. An occasional feeling of detachment is normal, but if it's a recurrent feeling, I think you might want to look at the quality of your contact. I'm not sure what you do together when you talk, but you might want to think of creative ways of replicating being 'together' so you feel closer. Are you mainly texting or do you have long phone calls/video chat during the week? I find that I feel a bit detached if we miss our weekend Skype chat, because text just isn't enough for me.

If you feel disconnected then he just might feel the same way. Find ways to keep that spark alive if you see a future with him.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Please realize when I say what I'm about to say I am in NO WAY judging your relationship itself or saying that this is what is happening for you. I think it's just important to talk about both sides and I have experience with it, so here it goes.

My ex and I were LD for one month over Christmas break and about one month over summer (we were CD at school but LD during breaks) before he couldn't handle it anymore and broke it off. It be honest, as much as it hurt, it was also a huge relief to me because I felt the same thing as you are right now. I was bored when we talked and would way rather spend time with my friends or family that were near me (or watch tv or do the dishes or pretty much anything...) than talk to him. Instead of seeing that as a red flag, I just thought it was the distance. I thought "I'm just not very good at long distance" instead of "damn, I really don't like him as much as I thought I did"

Fast forward a year and the beginning of my LDR with my current boyfriend. I was TERRIFIED that we wouldn't last because of my past experience with LD. I thought that I would get bored and drift away and be relieved when he broke it off. Nope! We just made it through the first 7 months of the LDR and I'm still crazy about him. There wasn't a single time throughout the past 7 months that I thought "I really don't want to talk to him because I get bored" or "I'm not really feeling it anymore". That is not to say that I wasn't worried about our relationship or that I didn't have moments that I broke down and thought I couldn't do it anymore. Those things are completely normal.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, be realistic to the fact that it may not necessarily be the long distance that's the issue, but the relationship. At least in my personal experience, being LD with the right guy made all the difference. But again, please realize that I'm not necessarily saying that this is the case for you and that you should break up with him. I just wanted to share my experiences. Take from it what you will! Good luck!

[TaraMarie]

I think it's pretty normal. I believe it's your head protecting your heart.

[Honour]

It's normal to feel some kind of detachment. I've never met my SO, however I am aware of just how hard LDRs can be. One friend of mine called me a "veteran" when it came to LDRs, which is a bittersweet comment, for several reasons. I cannot date in RL, I have found, due to being very edgy and distrusting of others. I have been hurt far too much. I have found that LDRs are a means in which we truly discover whether we can trust the person we have fallen for, or become friends with, you get to know them on a deeper level than if you were in RL and had just straight up met one another. Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broke, but you'll always get a crack in that motherf****** reflection, so said Lady Gaga in the song "Telephone." Have faith in yourself, have faith in him, and pace yourself. Take it bit by bit. You'll get used to it, trust me. Good luck!

[Honour]

And for the record! I was in a 3 year LDR that failed because the person I thought cared about me dumped me when he thought that the prospects of me reaching the UK were nil because of my poor health. So trust me, I know what you mean more than you think!

[alice12]

It obviously sucks being apart and missing him. I think feeling disconnected is pretty normal but it depends how often you get to see him? The less often the more disconnected you probably will feel. Maybe skyping less will actually be better in a way because when you do finally talk face to face (over skype) you'll have a lot more to talk. You'll know how you really feel though when you see him because if he makes you really happy and you feel he's worth it then IMO the distance doesn't matter. Being in a LDR gives you more time to see friends and family anyway