Starting a 4 Year LDR!

[banana-pancake]

Hello everyone! I'm new here, and new to LDRs!

My name is Joe. I live in Singapore, and I'm serving as a Sergeant with the Armed Forces. I've been in a beautiful relationship with my first girlfriend for about 10 months now, and she has just moved to Australia - Sydney specifically.

She is now studying in university, for a course that isn't available in Singapore, so she had to move there for studies. She has always desired to go overseas to study, and so did I. I was accepted into the same uni. It was the perfect plan! I was going to join her, and we would be charting a new adventure!

...Until I ran into financial difficulties. I tried applying for a scholarship, but I couldn't make it. Thus I will be studying in Singapore, in a couple of months.

So this means we will be going Long Distance, for 4 years. (the duration of her course) It's been 2 weeks, and quite frankly it's been reallllly hard. I cried like a baby at the airport. Good news is that I'll be visiting her in 55 days, on holiday. We will be spending two holidays together in Singapore, during the year, in June-July (1 month) and Dec-March (3 months!). Also I will be visiting Sydney whenever I can. With this, we hope that we will meet physically every 3 months.

After the 4 years apart, we aim to live together in NYC for further studies. I remind of this every day and we are very committed.

Any tips / suggestions for us? Is 4 years tooo long?

Every word is welcome. Thank you. It is a pleasure to share my humble story here.

[Honour]

Welcome, good luck and know that 4 years isn't that long. Some couples on here have been together 10 years. Best thing I can suggest is reading through the forums, talking to other members and working on your hobbies in between working. The fact you'll get to see each other will, hopefully, make things easier. Care packages, Skype dates, etc. It all adds up in the long run.

[banana-pancake]

Thank you! Wow, 10 years? That is truly a commitment indeed. I will definitely be reading into this forum for tips/ advice.

[abna1]

Welcome to LFAD, Joe 4 years is definitely doable and it would be great if you get to see each other that often. I think that will be very helpful. I'm sure your studies will also make the time between those visits fly. Love your username, btw

[Jaac]

My LDR was going to be 4 years as well after we had only been together for 2 months.
4 years seems soooo long!!! And especially at the beginning everything is new and you have to adapt to the situation.
When you say goodbye, the first weeks will always bedifficult and sad SAD days.
Just try and make the best out of the time you're not together. You can sit down and sulk, but that won't help anybody and it will only make you feel more depressed.
Sometimes it feels like a hopeless situation... But you willget through those times and you will also have your good times.
LDRs are really hard and you will face things that might not be common in close distance relationships, but when you survive the distance, your relationship will only be stronger.

I know it's hard, but try and see the good in this situation. You have the opportunity to learn how te be independent and you have time for yourself, while you're still together with someone you love.
Try and concentrate on yourself. Find something that keeps you busy (and most of all consumes all your thinking capacity , as that will make the time pass and make you feel less sad.

It's really nice that you already have visit dates lined up!!! It helps when you can count down.
It might seem like you see each other very few times, but who knows, maybe something happens and you get to see each other an extra time

4 years seems so long. But I'm almost half way through and time goes so quick!
And whenever something is bothering you or you want advice or some encouraging words from people in the same situation....
You can always come here!

[aniay]

Hello, Joe. Nice to meet you and hope we can be of help if you need anything.
Also, let me say that having a date when the distance ends, even if it's as far as 4 years in the future, is a great thing. You know the distance will be closed and you know when.

[Unconditional]

Welcome to LFAD! Wishing the best with your LDR. I know there's been many people who've done LDR for years and made it work. There is hope.

[banana-pancake]

Dear everyone, thank you for the wonderful responses. :') I must apologize for the delay, I've been on duty at my base all the way till tonight! Phew!

Honour, thank you. I do feel that those extra efforts will make a difference.

abna1, heyy. I love bananas in my brekky and my girl does too!

[banana-pancake]

My LDR was going to be 4 years as well after we had only been together for 2 months.
4 years seems soooo long!!! And especially at the beginning everything is new and you have to adapt to the situation.
When you say goodbye, the first weeks will always bedifficult and sad SAD days.
Just try and make the best out of the time you're not together. You can sit down and sulk, but that won't help anybody and it will only make you feel more depressed.
Sometimes it feels like a hopeless situation... But you willget through those times and you will also have your good times.
LDRs are really hard and you will face things that might not be common in close distance relationships, but when you survive the distance, your relationship will only be stronger.

I know it's hard, but try and see the good in this situation. You have the opportunity to learn how te be independent and you have time for yourself, while you're still together with someone you love.
Try and concentrate on yourself. Find something that keeps you busy (and most of all consumes all your thinking capacity , as that will make the time pass and make you feel less sad.

It's really nice that you already have visit dates lined up!!! It helps when you can count down.
It might seem like you see each other very few times, but who knows, maybe something happens and you get to see each other an extra time

4 years seems so long. But I'm almost half way through and time goes so quick!
And whenever something is bothering you or you want advice or some encouraging words from people in the same situation....
You can always come here!

THANKS SO MUCH. That's so sweet. Do you ever feel kind of jealous, like other guys get a chance to be around her for lunch / dinner / breakfast but you can't? Because she stays in this hostel that is co-ed and it has guys. They respect our relationship but they are still near her! It's been one week for me so far and I find this REALLY hard because she is 6000 km away.

P.s sorry for the exclamations I'm really passionate about this relationship.

[banana-pancake]

Thanks, friend.

I agree with you completely. The end is far, so far. But it is nonetheless visible and it is an end. It's like... a very certain light at the end of the tunnel.

So.. did you have such an experience? As in , a firm timeline to close the distance with your SO?

[Jaac]

You're welcome!
I also know what it feels like when your SO is around other girls/guys a lot.
My boyfriend worked with volounteer groups which was 90% girls. So he had a lot of girls around him, and he was in a uniform most of the time. So he's very hard to resist haha (At least I think
To be honest I've never had any jealous feelings. I know how he feels about cheating (as he's been cheated on before) and I know he would never do that to me.
If you know that you're both 100% in this relationship, there is no reason why you can't trust her.
You don't have a reason why not to trust her, right?
Of course I'm jealous in the way of that I am jealous that they can be around him, and I can't. But I'm not jealous because I'm scared he's gonna do something.

Best thing is to be really open towards each other about everything.

We do have an end in mind. When I finish university the plan is to cose the distance. But that's still about 2 years from now. But it's nice to have some sort of end date in mind regardless.
I am planning on doing a 5 month internship in Aus, whilst living with him! To get a taste of what it's like.

Haha, no worries about the exclamationmarks. It's good to be passionate. Thouh it can drive you mad sometimes

[banana-pancake]

You're welcome!
I also know what it feels like when your SO is around other girls/guys a lot.
My boyfriend worked with volounteer groups which was 90% girls. So he had a lot of girls around him, and he was in a uniform most of the time. So he's very hard to resist haha (At least I think
To be honest I've never had any jealous feelings. I know how he feels about cheating (as he's been cheated on before) and I know he would never do that to me.
If you know that you're both 100% in this relationship, there is no reason why you can't trust her.
You don't have a reason why not to trust her, right?
Of course I'm jealous in the way of that I am jealous that they can be around him, and I can't. But I'm not jealous because I'm scared he's gonna do something.

Best thing is to be really open towards each other about everything.

We do have an end in mind. When I finish university the plan is to cose the distance. But that's still about 2 years from now. But it's nice to have some sort of end date in mind regardless.
I am planning on doing a 5 month internship in Aus, whilst living with him! To get a taste of what it's like.

Haha, no worries about the exclamationmarks. It's good to be passionate. Thouh it can drive you mad sometimes

Exactly! I feel jealous about the guys that can be in her presence, you know - it's better phrased as envious hahah.

I trust her absolutely. When I enter uni soon I'll be around plenty of girls and there isn't a problem with that, with our trust. I'm in the army now and it's a very male place to be lol.

That's great that you're visiting Like that. I'm also planning to do a semester abroad, at her Uni cos our unis have joint affiliations for exchange! It depends on my Gpa though - a super incentive.

How have the past 2 years been for you guys? Any particular things that we should do? We are just 3 weeks in... To 4 years! And the 70 beyond that

[Jaac]

Good that you can trust each other Trust is one of the most important things!

It's nice to hear that you also have plans for the future. It seems like soooo far away, but when that time is finally there and you look back... It will seem like it has flown by.
Just have to be patient to get to that point, haha.
Planning a semester abroad is really exciting, and it keeps you busy as you have to sort things out and everything.

For us the past 2 years have been a rollercoaster. We've had really good periods where we would chat as often as possible, but we've also had our bad periods where we were only able to say goodnight and goodmorning.
It's also REALLY easy to misinterpret things on whatsapp, which can lead to misunderstandings and even arguements.
We have had aguements which we would've never had if we had been physically together.
It helps to not send messages when you are angry. Rather put your phone aside for half an hour. Once you send a message in an impulse, you can't un-send it. And, from my experience, it's more difficult to fix something like that when you're halfway across the world from each other, than when you're in one room.
It's been really difficult for me to cope with everything.
It takes so much time and patience to stay sane

Every relationship is different, so it's difficult to say what you should or shouldn't do.
Just take it day by day and when you feel depressed, just remember that tomorrow you might feel totally different.
Focus on your own life and keep the future in mind. Look foreward to your future plans.
you're 3 weeks in, but also 3 weeks closer to seeing each other again (cliché, but true!)

[banana-pancake]

Thanks a lot Jaac. All the best in your relationship, sounds like you both have great commitment.

[twentynine11]

Hi Joe,
I commend you, as a man, for being so open about your love for her and showing that you care. A lot of women wish their s.o. would show that they care this much.
Know that you are not alone! I just went through 2 years of long distance. My boyfriend was just accepted into med school where he is at. This means another 4 years of long distance. It isn't easy, but it will be worth it in the end. I have to keep telling myself that it's all for a purpose. Where there is pain, there is a purpose!