Lost and losing it

[Irisheyez82]

In our 30's and began an LDR almost 2 years ago.
We are both in college and 1000+ miles apart most of the year. Busy schedules don't allow a lot of Skype (when it works).
He's felt in love with me for a long time. I haven't fell in love with him at this point. We have our differences and I think they've only increased over time in some ways. He's good to me in many many ways. I'm a very independent person and he wants to do so much for me when he's around (to make up for when he's not) but this has always bothered me. I'm appreciative of it all and I tell him that, but, I also like to help him do these things. It's nice to have the help but I'd rather him not do everything for me. He hasn't let up a lot on that though. In intimacy we are different in a lot of ways too.
I want a life around my friends and family. I have this enormous ambition to be a mother and raise my kids around my family and friends. He wants to live where he is now after college is done. I'm just unsure I can move there and be truly happy. I don't want to hold him back in his career or happiness.
Lately the distance, being alone and seeing so many people around me make steps with their S.O.'s that we can't make, and the things I listed above are all getting to me badly lately. I'm fairly alone in my life where I currently live and have been through some significant changes (good and bad) lately. I'm not wonderful at verbally expressing my emotions about everything and doing so wears me down. I think this makes me internalize everything. I'd much rather have a S.O. with me just to be with me when I need to grieve or be sad/anxious. He wants to almost be like a counselor to me when is not what I need from him. Sometimes he will say hurtful things but it's when he feels hurt by my feelings toward something that he'll lash out toward me with a hurtful direct comment. Almost intending to hurt me (which works). I don't work that way at all. Things like that stick with me and it's hard for me to really ever shake it off or forget. Even when he sincerely apologizes.
I'm so lost and unsure of what I want to do with our relationship. I really don't feel like I can take this another 2-3 years.
He's expressed to me that he hopes one day that I can feel the way he feels for me, even if it's not with him. If that statement didn't make me fall for him, what on earth would?
I don't know what I'm expecting from readers, whether it's advice or just support or even a verbal slap in the face. I think I just need to unleash and hear thoughts?
Thank you LDR community.

[R&R]

Let me make sure I have this right:

*You've been together two years and you are not in love with him
*You want to raise your family near your family and he does not want to move there
*You feel as the time goes on you can see more differences between you
*He says things that you think should make you fall in love with him and your feelings haven't changed.

And you are still in this relationship why? Long distance or living in the same town, this is not a relationship for you to be in. No matter how well someone treats you, that is not the reason to stay in a relationship. You are holding him back from finding someone who will love him and want to be with him. You are also making it impossible for you to find the right person for you.

IMHO, it's time to end the relationship and each move forward on your own.

[whatruckus]

I think you're holding him, and yourself, back. End it. You don't love him. You're giving him false hope that you'll come around some day, and it honestly doesn't look like you ever will. You can't see yourself still being in this relationship in the next few years either.

I don't understand why there's a question as to what to do.

[differentcountries]

You don't have any friends where you live? No wonder your SO can't live up to your expectations, if he has to be your everything.

Also you :
Are upset when people help you
Don't like to talk about your feelings
Even so, you are extremely upset when people hurt you (I can get that, my SO is the same, but he is also very open to changing communication styles so we don't get to the point where I say bad stuff)
Which are things I imagine that makes it hard for you to make new friends as well

So, is the problem your relationship, or your life?

[snow]

You don't have any friends where you live? No wonder your SO can't live up to your expectations, if he has to be your everything.

Also you :
Are upset when people help you
Don't like to talk about your feelings
Even so, you are extremely upset when people hurt you (I can get that, my SO is the same, but he is also very open to changing communication styles so we don't get to the point where I say bad stuff)
Which are things I imagine that makes it hard for you to make new friends as well

So, is the problem your relationship, or your life?

That's a little harsh, isn't it? Being you is absolutely fine if you find a matching partner. If she is very independent and has a hard time talking about her feelings, she might just need someone who accepts that and loves her for it. It really doesn't mean her life or her ways are in any way bad.

To the OP: If you don't love him and you don't see yourself loving him in the future, do you really want to be with him? Is this the life you have imagined for you? Have you ever been in love?
It's not your fault or his, some people are just not meant to be together no matter how hard they try. He could be the best person on this planet, but if you are not compatible, because you two want different things from this relationship, then so be it. If you both have to change who you are fundamentally to be happy together, you are going to resent each other one day.

I've been through this in my past relationship with a really good person, but someone who was not for me. I'm silly and I like to do silly things, he was always too serious and got embarrassed by anything I would do, even as much as laughing in public. I wanted to get married and have kids in the future, he never wanted to get married and hated kids with a passion, but I stuck it out for 4 years because I believed we were a good match and he was really sweet to me and would make me feel loved, but if you can't be yourself in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't be in that relationship.