New to LDR and struggling

[friendstomore]

I just started a LDR with my best friend of almost three years now this past January, and I'm struggling big time. Here's the deal: I'm in a grad program that I have to finish in-state, and I won't be done til Dec 2016; he's in training to become the General Manager of the restaurant that he works for in his state. Since our relationship started in January, we've been trying to do more to "spend time" together: we talk on the phone every night, we have skype dates on his days off, and we try to do certain things together like reading the same books or watching the same tv shows. About two months ago though, he decided that he wasn't happy in his current job, and as he has no real ties to his state, he decided that he would move to my state in July so that we could live closer together and he could have a fresh start at a new restaurant. Everything was set and planned: we decided that he would stay with me in my apartment for a month while he searches for a job and an apartment, he already started applying for jobs online, and he was in the process of selling his furniture online to make some extra cash for the trip. Then last Monday, his bosses made him an offer he couldn't refuse. They offered to pay him a LOT more money, which would help him pay off his student loans and car payments in practically no time at all, something that he's always dreamed of doing. They offered to give him a month and a half of paid leave per year, a huge boost from his current two weeks of paid leave, which would allow him to visit me more often. They offered to pay for three plane tickets per year, up to $500 each. They even offered to pay for up to $2000 of my moving expenses should I decide to move down to his state. The last offer is something that he and I both know I cannot take because of my grad program, in addition to our relationship being so new that we're not prepared to live together yet. So this offer is something that was like a dream come true for him, and it's something that I would never dream of asking him to refuse, so of course he took it. However, now I'm struggling big time with the disappointment that he will not be moving here next month, and that I won't have anything more to look forward to than a few short visits and a shit ton of lonely, depressing nights for at least the next year and a half until I graduate.

Please understand, I'm not angry or upset at him for accepting the offer. I'm actually really happy for him. This is something that he's been working toward for the past two years since he started as a cook at that restaurant. And lately before they made that offer, he'd been feeling really depressed and felt as if his situation would never change no matter where he went. I'm really just upset with myself, like really upset. I'm upset that I allowed myself to hope for July, to dream of what it would be like to live close to him again, and to put my whole heart into believing it would happen only for my hopes to be let down. I've always tried so hard to distance myself emotionally from things, and to not let my expectations and hopes get too high, but just this once I allowed myself to believe it and I was crushed just like how I feared I would be. I guess my question is, how do you handle those lonely, soul crushing nights? And how do you handle knowing that you can't be together for such a long period of time like a year and a half? And how do you remain positive for your partner when they can tell that you're anxious and upset? I know I should be open with him about this, but I feel like if I were to tell him how upset I am, he'd regret his decision to stay with his company, and I don't want him to feel that way ever.

[Ella85]

Well I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 months now and I finally get to see him next month. So believe me when I say I know how hard it is to be apart. I just get though it one trip at a time. I have this trip planned for the summer which is 6 weeks (I am very lucky to be in that position) and then we will be going again for 2-3 weeks at xmas. My boyfriend is planning a trip but we don't know when it'll be yet as his work isn't as easy to take off as mine is.
I take it one day at a time and I like planned trips. You have the summer off right? Is there any chance you can go and spend the summer with him? What about other times you are off college? Then he can come and visit you as well. So actually if you work it out between you if you are both willing to travel to each other you will get as much time together as possible.
Yeah the nights are hard, especially when my SO works until 8pm and he is 5 hours behind me. Sometimes I can't sleep because I just want to hear his voice before I do. But I get though it one day at a time. Just like everyone else does. You have to do things for you and to distract yourself. Concentrate on school, take up a hobby. A year and a half will go in no time and by that time you might be ready to move in together.

[Sarah96]

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over two years now and I just finished my first year of college, which means I still have 3 more years of not being with him. We also haven't met yet, and currently aren't sure when we'll get to for several reasons. There's no doubt it's hard and some day's I can't handle it and I let myself have a little meltdown and after I'm done crying I feel better and move on. As Ella85 said, and you will hear it from many others, you really need to distract yourself. For me, it's blogging and books. Everyone says to hang out with friends and family more, but I'm not very social, so I spend my time doing things that I LOVE doing because when I'm doing something I love it makes me happy and makes me forget about how much I miss my boyfriend. A year and a half will definitely fly by, I know it doesn't seem like it, it's hard to think about all that time, but it will when you stop thinking about it. Take each day at a time, if you have a bad day, it's OKAY. It's important to stay positive but don't force yourself to be happy if you aren't. You will have good days and bad days, but each day is one day closer to being with him.

He might be a little upset if you tell him how you're feeling, but you should tell him anyway, it will help you bond more and learn more about each other if you're open and willing to talk to him about it. Just reassure him that you're happy he made the decision and that you support him. You have to work together to get through it.
I wish you all the best!