College and the Cost of Living

[Seshiri54]

Hello everyone! I am new to this forum and only just recently made an account. I have been in a long distance relationship since June of 2013. My partner is wonderful and very sweet. However, I've been feeling very depressed lately. On top of the burdens of being a graduate student, I miss my partner dearly. We've only been able to hang out in person twice now (I'm hoping he can make it out in December or January) but I want to know if anyone has managed to overcome the hurdles of striving for an academic career while maintaining a relationship? We are both in school, but my partner is in California and I am in Illinois. I have no idea if we will be able to go to the same school, where our paths will take us, etc. We are willing to do what it takes, but it's so hard to go everyday without being able to at least get a hug. We are from similar socioeconomic backgrounds and do not have much financially. Skype helps immensely in keeping our relationship alive, and we skype and text everyday. Doesn't help at all that we are both super cuddly people when we are together either.

[Ejoriah]

I am currently in a PhD program in anthropology. My fiancé is an archaeologist. While he is not in school currently, he does plan to go to grad school and get his MA at some point. We moved to Arizona so I could go to grad school here. He'll try to apply for grad school at the same institution as me. As he is less academically inclined than I am, he said he'd move wherever I need to for school. If for some reason it does not work out for him to go to school here, then we'll wait until I have my degree and we'll move to wherever he needs to go.

We met in college and are only apart when either one of us has to do field work, so my situation is different from yours in that respect. From my experience in academia people in relationships either agree to spend some time long distance, or find a way to compromise by "taking turns." For instance one person may find a wonderful job opportunity and the other person may take something less prestigious for a length of time, after which you "switch." Getting a routine with Skype etc helps, as do planning visits. Unfortunately academia and relationships very rarely mix without significant compromising going on on both sides.

[Unicorn26]

I'm not in college but can sympathise with everything you're saying. My SO and I are both on limited incomes and it makes visiting really difficult. Add into that we are in a transatlantic relationship and both would need to put two dogs into kennels if we visited, plus I have two kids.... It's far from easy.

You just have to make the most of the limited time you have together. I know that my SO is totally worth the wait, we love each other to death and neither of us would ever give up on what we have. Even if it meant not being and time be together for another 10 years, I'd still wait and so would he.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

My SO and I are also still in school, but we are in two different countries. If you think it's difficult to see each other now, just imagine having to pay thousands of dollars just to see one another. This is definitely not a "look, my troubles are so much worse than yours"post, but rather it's a "I understand where you're coming from". I don't have thousands of dollars to spend flying to see my SO. He is in a little better of a situation than I am, but it still is tough. With that being said, it has been important to us to continue to see each other at least once every 6-7 months. The way I see it is "well...I'm already in debt so...why not spend an extra grand to see the love of my life once a year and be a little less miserable?" Not everyone sees it that way or even has the luxury to. The benefit of being in school is that you still have breaks (I am assuming?). We are discovering that there is a positive and negative to both situations. You don't have money as a student, but you have more time. In a job, you have more money, but no time. You have to just take advantage of that time that you have now and figure out a way to make it work. Best of luck to you guys.

[Seshiri54]

Thanks for the responses! It's great to hear perspectives from other in similar situations. I am a linguistics major with a concentration in southeast Asian studies, and my partner has citizenship in Finland, so travel will always be a part of our relationship. We'll have to see what happens. But, thankfully, we are dedicated to our relationship and will do what it takes to make it work.

[Honour]

I'm studying for a full time degree at university. SO has been to college but had to leave at the end due to financial difficulties. Now he's working 8-12 hour night shifts in a detention center in Arizona. I'm in the north of Wales, UK. Between a 7-8 hour time difference and health problems of my own, the student life workload and everything else in between, it's difficult. I wouldn't have it any other way, however. Not unless "any other way" included closing the distance of course!