New Girlfriends Family Not to Supportive.

[uw21]

Hello Everyone,
I have read several threads about dealing with parents but I have not found one that deals with something quite like this. So I have been dating this wonderful girl for about a month. Over Christmas we texted each other for 4-7 hours every day. We have gotten to know each other extremely well. I really care deeply for her and she likes me. Her parents are divorced and she has a twin sister who is going on a mission in three months and will be gone for two years. Her Mother and older sister is supportive of our relationship. Her twin however, is actively trying to hurt it. She has even messaged me on facebook and told me lies about how my girlfriend was considering breaking up with me and that I should leave her first in order to save myself the embarrassment. I found out this was totally untrue, but now her twin sister is trying to convince her dad that I'm bad news and we have rushed into go steady to quickly.
I have not met any of the family so far in person and I personally feel that if they got to know me they would know I'm not trying to take advantage of her or harm her in anyway. Granted our relationship is still rather new. We went out on four dates in a week before the Christmas break and have gone out on one since I got back to Utah. We are only two hours apart and I am her first boyfriend. I'm 27 she is 22. So I don't really know how to deal with the situation. I'm trying to be supportive and tell her I care about her frequently and willing to work through any difficulties we have in a relationship.
I know she likes me greatly but since her sister and dad are now starting to show their disapproval she is starting to question almost everything. I know she doesn't want to break up but she doesn't know how to resolve or help the situation. We could really use some advice. Could I do more? What are some things that she and I could do to help things? Thank you for your help.

[Ejoriah]

I think she needs to have a conversation with her sister to figure out why she doesn't like you, so that you know how to fix it exactly. It may help to meet the twin sister and the father in person since they may be prejudiced about long distance relationships.

[snow_girl]

I think she needs to have a conversation with her sister to figure out why she doesn't like you, so that you know how to fix it exactly. It may help to meet the twin sister and the father in person since they may be prejudiced about long distance relationships.

I dont think it has anything to do with him fixing what the twin doesn't like. I think the problem is that the twin is jealous and since you are from Utah you should date them both. If you can't beat them, then keep your enemies close.

[Lycka]

It could be a help to know why the twin sis doesn't like you. If she thinks you're not good for her sis, if she doesn't like LDRs, she doesn't like that her sis is dating. If it's jealousy, I've felt it sometimes before (my twin sis has a bf, I have my SO but I can't physically touch and hold him, and that's why I felt jealous). But I have to remind myself that just because you're a twin doesn't mean you'll get the same things always, you're two individual people with two separate lives. And that's good because I wouldn't want to live as my twin sis for the world. That's just my own thoughts about twins and datings, just to share. Meeting them in person and show to them that you aren't as bad as she says you are, and make clear you don't want to make a bad influence.

[JaneEmily]

Seems to me that her twin sister is scared of losing her and is likely worried that the age gap between you means her twin sister will end up hurt in the future and that's why she's trying to make it difficult as possible. I would suggest you trying to get her family to have a Skype session with you, whilst your SO is present. Maybe that could ease some of the worries? Not to mention her twin sister is moving away herself, and she's likely scared that she'll never get to speak to her sister if you're always in the picture. I would just try to talk to your SO and her family and try to reassure them all about your intentions. I have a twin sister myself too, but she never responded this way to my SO/LDR, but that's probably because she was friends with my SO online too beforehand lol.

[CarolGuerra]

Seems to me that her twin sister is scared of losing her and is likely worried that the age gap between you means her twin sister will end up hurt in the future and that's why she's trying to make it difficult as possible. I would suggest you trying to get her family to have a Skype session with you, whilst your SO is present. Maybe that could ease some of the worries? Not to mention her twin sister is moving away herself, and she's likely scared that she'll never get to speak to her sister if you're always in the picture. I would just try to talk to your SO and her family and try to reassure them all about your intentions. I have a twin sister myself too, but she never responded this way to my SO/LDR, but that's probably because she was friends with my SO online too beforehand lol.

I truly agree with your comment

[zed71]

Oh, the power dynamics of a relationship and family is beautiful, it's already hard enough when trying to keep the communication lines open.
It depends on the communication style of the SO, and how she talks tot he family. One instant word of advice, should you get on skype call with them, dont ever say, i'm seriously interested in your daughter, or anything to try to convince them of your intentions. Instead offer what you do and what your plans for yourself are, and only yourself, once they see you're a sufficient partner, they'll let her go any which way you want