A bit clueless?

[Tashiepoo]

So my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost about to be a year on Feb the 2nd and we have been best friends for 2 years now. Lately he has been pushing me away and a week ago he told me "I honestly dont know what i want anymore. But i dont want to make you feel like im dragging you along or make you wait and waste your time. . ." I love him a lot he is my first love and everything with him was amazing until he started pushing me away...we broke up once but that was cause he wanted me to date someone where i live but i wanted to be with him no matter what. Now i just dont know what to do. . . i dont want to lose him but i have no idea whats going on anymore. I know a week doesn't sound like much but its driving me crazy not talking to him. Im giving him his space to think about if he wants to be with me or not and i also did tell him to take his time too. He has College and work to be dealing with also. Help

[Redheart14]

I think he's been honest with you, sadly I think you just need to give him the space he wants. He obviously needs to sort out what he wants and as hard as that may be you need to just step back and let him have his space. Just keep yourself busy and focus on yourself

[BaconGirl05]

First of all I want to be the one to say that it might come off as if I'm attacking you, but that is so not the case. I tend to tell it like it is, and that is one of the things that has fueled sexy loving him. If I'm handing advice, then more than likely I have been through it.

My thoughts:

You are young, which means that you are going to go through men like underwear for a while. I know that this guy is your "first love." But let me tell you about that first love. Nine times out of ten, he won't be the man that you marry.

My first love snatched my heart out my chest, stompd on it and set it on fire. He broke me so bad, that I just knew that I would spend the rest of my adolescent years in prison.Fortunately I got over it, after a couple broken car windows, sliced tires, and setting his cloths on fire I was back and better than ever!

With that being said, your first love is going to the be the one who hurts you the most. And right now it looks like you are going through the beginning stages (I'm sorry). Get your alcohol stash together because you will definitely need it!

When a man says......
When a man says that he needs some space, and or he doesn't know what he wants. That is him saying that his doesn't want you anymore. He isn't interested in rocking with you anymore. He has either attached himself to another chic, or he just wants to bury himself under tons of women. Either way, you are getting crapped on.

The one thing you don't want to do is smother situation. You don't want to beg (hold on to your dignity) and you don't want to keep someone who doesn't want you. Never let a man tell you more than once that he doesn't want you.

Get your mental together, and rearrange your thought process. Start making moves for yourself, and open yourself up to other men. It's too early to tie yourself down to one person anyway. The options are vast, Hunny!

But if you feel like you need to have him......

If you feel as if you just have to have him despite the fact that he is taking a huge dump on your heart, then this is what you do. YOU IGNORE HIM. You start dating other men and make sure he sees it. Make sure you let it be known that he isn't the only fish in the sea, and ACT LIKE YOU MEAN IT. He will come sniffing at your door sooner than later. Because the one thing men hate is feeling as if they aren't in control, or that a girl doesn't really need them.

And sometimes, just sometimes, you get a guy who likes to play with your feelings. So sometimes, you have to play back. When you are young, and your relationship is fresh, there is a game to be played, and you have to know how to play it.

Crazy right? I know

Don't start telling OP her relationship won't last because she is young. Not all first loves will break your heart. I have been with my SO since I was 14. He is my first love and we are still together, 4+ years later. I think someone can find the right person at any age. Being young and in a relationship does not mean that people won't stay together.

Just because a guy says that they want space also does not mean he does not want the person anymore. It could mean he's going through a hard time and needs to sort out his thoughts. Maybe he's stressed with work, school, or family. Telling OP to start dating other men and making sure he sees it is childish. Relationships should not be a game. If someone is playing with your heart, you leave them and move on, don't go doing it back to other people.

OP, I agree with Redheart. Give him space and work on yourself. It can be hard, but try to make sure that you're independent and don't need to lean on him for everything. Waiting can be the hardest thing because you're constantly thinking about what he may say. Stay strong and focus on yourself.

[whatruckus]

And I'm sure there are a whole list of childish things you've done in your relationship considering you've been with your SO since you were born.

I'm not quite sure why you felt the need to be snarky with this comment.

Also, I don't understand the "advice" you gave the OP. Because her SO feels he needs to take some time to himself automatically means he doesn't want her anymore and has a side chick? Um. Ok.

And advising someone to date someone else just to make their SO jealous? Yeah, 9 times out of 10, that doesn't work. Usually both parties end up resenting each other.

A person should have more self-respect for themselves instead of trying to seem petty.

As for the OP, I agree that you should give him time to himself and maybe work on yourself for now. Go out with friends, have fun. Focus on school, work, family, friends...etc. Take up a new hobby. I don't recommend stashing up on alcohol to make yourself feel better. There's more productive ways.

I think your SO was just honest with you. It's better he tells you now that he's not sure what he wants, instead of dragging you along and you wondering what is happening.

[whatruckus]

And where exactly did your comment help tashipoo? This thread isn't about ME, it's about tashiepoo.

I've edited my comment, if you bothered to look. Your comment didn't help at all by implying her SO has no feelings for her anymore and has a side chick, just because he's not sure what he wants right now. And that maybe she needs to get drunk and parade around with a new guy to make her SO jealous to have him come back to her.

I really don't understand your snarky, and condescending, attitude since you just joined the forum.

[R&R]

First and foremost, I said what I said and that is what I said. Nine times out of ten first loves don't work out. You were lucky enough to be that 1%. (I clap for you on that) Unfortunately nothing is black and white, especially not love. With that being said, she is the only one in that situation. Please don't get this misconstrued, I'm not overly invested in anybody's relationship.

At the end of the day...

OP will have to protect her heart. And that is exactly what I said at the beginning of my comment. And I'm sure there are a whole list of childish things you've done in your relationship considering you've been with your SO since you were born.

Like I said, You are Young OP, don't limit yourself so early. If he needs space, give it to him. And let it be what it is. and do your own thing.

And where exactly did your comment help tashipoo? This thread isn't about ME, it's about tashiepoo.

And how did either of these comments help the OP? You have come crashing into this forum, acting like you own the place. You already have your own website. Do you really feel the need to try to overtake them all?

OP, there are many reasons someone may be pushing you away. It could be they don't feel the same anymore and don't want to hurt you by telling you so. It could be they have a lot of other things they are dealing with and you are the easiest thing to push away. It sounds like he has a lot he is trying to make decisions about and that right now, having a relationship isn't on his list of what is priority. Only he is the one who can give you any definite answers.

For now, take this time for yourself. Spend time with friends. Start doing things you've wanted do but you've put on the back burner. When you want to talk to him but can't, write it out in a letter. Many of us have been in this spot. It's up to you to decide how you are going to handle it in the best way for you.

[whatruckus]

As for the OP, I agree that you should give him time to himself and maybe work on yourself for now. Go out with friends, have fun. Focus on school, work, family, friends...etc. Take up a new hobby. I don't recommend stashing up on alcohol to make yourself feel better. There's more productive ways.

I think your SO was just honest with you. It's better he tells you now that he's not sure what he wants, instead of dragging you along and you wondering what is happening.

Apparently, I didn't give any advice to the OP.

[BaconGirl05]

So far all of us have given OP advice

[MissButterfly]

Sorry to hear things are a bit difficult right now... I agree with redheart, bacongirl and whatruckus. It can be really difficult to focus on yourself when you're so in love that all you want to focus on is him. If he asked for some space, it's probably best if you give him some. Keep the communication open, but try to let him approach you a bit more, so that he can message you when he's ready. If you do not want to lose him, it's your best bet to just let him figure things out for himself, but be prepared for the possibility that he just can't do it. LDRs are hard emotionally, and they're not for everyone (no matter how old/young you are)! Wishing you the best of luck

[whatruckus]

Also, OP, PM if you need to. I'm in a similar situation with my SO, we're not sure where we're going right now, so we're taking a break from each other. I've given my SO space, though we do still talk every day (a few texts here and there, and that's about it). Sometimes people just need to take a step back and re-evaluate themselves, and re-evaluate where they're going in life. Everyone goes through it at some point, or even multiple times. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, it means he doesn't want you to keep hurting while he's trying to figure himself out. Some people call it a "mid-life crisis", in my case, I'm calling it our "quarter-life crisis".

Also, if he's tried to break up with you before because he felt bad about the distance, it could also be the distance getting to him. Which has happened to all of us at some point in our LDR's as well. Sometimes it gets to be too much, and you get stuck in the negative sides of being in an LDR. The "blues" we call it here.

Not every relationship works out, but it doesn't mean you can't try.

[Michelle]

Hey everyone! Just a friendly reminder that if you are going to participate on the forum to please respect other members. You're welcome to give advice good or bad and if others disagree, they are allowed to disagree and explain why, but let's keep it at that and not get into heated debates. Let's not derail another person's thread. Thank you!