I've been with my SO for 5 and a half years, starting in middle school. But it's always been kind of complicated because my parents didn't officially allow me to "date" until just last year. The two of us have always considered ourselves a couple, but a lot of our communication took place through email for a while (and then texts later). It's been a little like long-distance from the beginning in that regard. Both of us were really shy and had trouble communicating out loud, so I don't actually think we'd have been able to stay together otherwise.
We go to different colleges now. It would only take two and a half hours to drive between them, only I've been insanely busy with schoolwork since getting here and he doesn't have a license yet, let alone a car. He says he misses me terribly and wants to graduate early, so we can try to be together while I hopefully go through med school. But the strange thing is that I almost never miss him, and I find myself forgetting all the little things I really love about him. We see each other every few weeks (our parents take us back to our hometown then to spend time with us), and it's always wonderful to spend almost an entire day with him. I used to cry every time we parted. But I don't anymore, and I'm not sure why... Maybe it's just that we need to spend more time doing things together when we're apart.
Having had our relationship start off in the way it did (and I guess being the kinds of people we are), it feels like there's a lot of baggage of sorts that's difficult to overcome. We still tend to communicate important things through writing, rather than out loud. It feels like neither of us is able to take very much initiative as far as doing things together goes. Even for something as simple as talking to each other, we feel more comfortable when we can be alone, and he's really sweet and doesn't want to ever kick his roommate out for a little while, so we only talk once or twice a week. And I get really anxious about college and Skype isn't similar enough to spending time with someone to calm me down, so I often prioritize spending time with friends over him. If he were here, he'd definitely always be the first person I'd go to though.
I just don't know what to do... I've tried talking to my SO about it, but he always gets really upset over it, and it doesn't help solve things. I don't know, I love him, but I can't make myself miss him in the way I feel like I should.
We go to different colleges now. It would only take two and a half hours to drive between them, only I've been insanely busy with schoolwork since getting here and he doesn't have a license yet, let alone a car. He says he misses me terribly and wants to graduate early, so we can try to be together while I hopefully go through med school. But the strange thing is that I almost never miss him, and I find myself forgetting all the little things I really love about him. We see each other every few weeks (our parents take us back to our hometown then to spend time with us), and it's always wonderful to spend almost an entire day with him. I used to cry every time we parted. But I don't anymore, and I'm not sure why... Maybe it's just that we need to spend more time doing things together when we're apart.
Having had our relationship start off in the way it did (and I guess being the kinds of people we are), it feels like there's a lot of baggage of sorts that's difficult to overcome. We still tend to communicate important things through writing, rather than out loud. It feels like neither of us is able to take very much initiative as far as doing things together goes. Even for something as simple as talking to each other, we feel more comfortable when we can be alone, and he's really sweet and doesn't want to ever kick his roommate out for a little while, so we only talk once or twice a week. And I get really anxious about college and Skype isn't similar enough to spending time with someone to calm me down, so I often prioritize spending time with friends over him. If he were here, he'd definitely always be the first person I'd go to though.
I just don't know what to do... I've tried talking to my SO about it, but he always gets really upset over it, and it doesn't help solve things. I don't know, I love him, but I can't make myself miss him in the way I feel like I should.
I am here to tell you that it doesn't have to be that way though. I have been LD with my SO for 2.5 years. In the beginning I missed him terribly. Hell, I still do, but it's not nearly the same as it used to be. I have about a week after a visit that it's terrible (crying myself to sleep and feeling miserable, the whole bit), but after that, I literally turn it off. I can't say I miss him in the same way that I used to. I'm used to being alone and that's okay. In my head I know I miss him, but it's like it doesn't reach my body. Same with getting excited to see him again. I know I should be and that I really am, but I won't feel myself really get excited until I day that I get to see him or even sometimes as I'm going to meet him. To me, that's partly a defense mechanism in order to not hurt so bad but it is also partly because I am perfectly happy being on my own. I love my life. I have great friends and I love my alone time and I don't NEED my SO to make me happy. So I guess what I'm saying is drop all that expectation that you have for yourself and your relationship. You are able to love him and miss him in your own way. It will ebb and flow as your relationship continues and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you are still happy.
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