Missing him hurts

[simplyme]

My bf makes the whole LD thing seem so easy. I can't figure out how he does it. He seems to perfectly balance spending time with his friends and family, doing what he enjoys (video games), and spending time talking to me daily. I wish it were that easy for me. When we're together I'm the happiest I've ever been. Every time I have to leave to go back to school it gets harder and harder to go. I feel like a little kid who's homesick. Being in love has been one of the greatest and most painful things I've endured all at once.

I'm not normally an emotional person, but there's something about him that brings me to a puddle instantly. Every night when he says he needs to get off tears instantly form and I try so hard to hide them. I feel so stupid that something so dumb like him needing to go to bed makes me emotional. I know it's just because I miss him, but I hate that I'm so attached that not seeing or talking to him makes me emotional. I think I'm lovesick or a little depressed. All I want to do is lay in bed every day and wait until he can talk. When we're not talking I just sit around and wait until he can again. And I hate that that's what my life revolves around. I know he's out living his life and I prioritize him way too much. I try to make plans and get out of the apartment, but usually all my friends want to do is go to the bars and I'd rather stay in. When I'm out there's always a part of me thinking this was time I could be spending talking to him. I try to distract myself with things to do, but my mind usually wonders to him, how much I miss him, what I can do to reach out to him.

I know I just need to make it 43 days and the 500 mile distance will only be 60. Knowing the end is near and how great the prize at the end is are the only things getting me there. I think what's the hardest part is feeling like I'm going this alone. Yes I know he's as much into this relationship as I am, but he's handling it so much better than I am and no amount of logic can change how much missing him hurts. I guess all I need is to know that I'm not crazy. That it's ok to feel this way and I'm not alone.

[sasad]

He is handling it maturely. No one should ever consume your life that way. It is not healthy and you are not living. You need to get a life of your own. Hang out with friends, find a hobby, anything. That you cant function at all is a little concerning. If you are depressed, or with help handling the stress and stuff you are going through, perhaps you should seek help. You cant have a healthy relationship with out healthy balance.

But yes, most of us miss our SO's horribly, but we still live OUR lives too.

[reylaa]

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like my boyfriend handles our long distance relationship way better than I do. He is as much into this relationship as I am, but he just has a lot more stuff to keep him occopied and in general he is a pretty independent person. However, that doesn't mean he doesn't miss me.

I, on the other hand, feel really attached to him: I don't have a lot of friends nor do I have a lot of hobbies. At the moment all I can do is writing my thesis so that I can graduate. I am indoors all day. Since I lack a lot of motivation for school, most of the time my mind ends up wandering and all I want to do is to reach out for my boyfriend. And whenever he doesn't reply or replies really late I can actually get upset about it because I'm THAT attached. At that point, the negative thing is all I can focus on and I tend to forget about the bigger picture and all the other good things that he did for me. And really, I am not proud of myself whenever I act like this. I just make it more difficult for myself.

I agree with sasad about what she commented. We need to get a life of our own. I know it's easier said than done, but being aware of this is a great start already. You are not crazy and you are not alone!

[simplyme]

sasad may be right, but I appreciate your post much more reylaa. You really do make me feel like you understand what I'm going through and it does make me feel less alone. I already know it's important to get a life of my own, but it's definitely easier said than done. Even before our relationship I had issues last year finding friends to hang out with and hobbies other than Netflix. I'm happy I went to school here, but it's honestly been pretty lonely. Sometimes it's easy for me to be by myself, but other times I truly hate feeling so alone. That's probably why I miss him so much and why being apart heightens that feeling of loneliness. To avoid feeling alone during long periods of down time, I over compensated for two years by taking on a lot of responsibilities on campus and it was a lot to balance and very stressful. Being close to graduation though means all those responsibilities are over and I have a lot more time to myself. Unfortunately the friends I have here are flakey and not good to rely on to fill that time. I have been making an effort to spend time with them, but they only follow through on half our plans. It can be kind of discouraging.

I know exactly what you mean though by getting upset when it feels like he isn't paying enough attention to me. It's like a mind game of being logical and knowing he's perfectly justified in enjoying time with his friends and not responding to me, but still acknowledging that it's ok to have feelings and understanding why I'm feeling them, but also not making a big deal out of it. I'm not proud of feeling this way either and I hide that I'm feeling this way so that I never take it out on him.

I will say efforts have been made this weekend, despite being completely alone for the holiday, to do other activities than Netflix. They didn't keep my interest long, but you've gotta start somewhere.

[reylaa]

I'm glad I was able to make you feel better. I think we're pretty alike. I've also been like this even before our relationship and I've always been dependent on my previous boyfriends. I'm the type of person who doesn't need a lot of friends, but just a few close ones. I don't need endless conversations with people, I need a couple of meaningful conversations.

Yeah, it's definitely a mind game, an energy consuming one. I sometimes feel like hiding how I feel from him is the best option, but in the end it just makes me feel worse. And eventually it will bottle up inside of me and show in my behaviour towards him. But he wants me to be open and tell him every single feeling I have inside of me, so I do. I am really lucky he is a considerate and understanding person and I am so thankful for his patience. I am a pretty emotional and insecure person and I am aware this is causing all the feelings. I am working on loving myself and building up my self esteem, but it's not that easy. I'm glad my boyfriend actively helps me with this.

Does your boyfriend not know of any of these feelings of yours? Have you thought about talking to him about this? I am sure he will understand.

If you ever feel like talking with someone, you can always send me a message

[Half.ginger]

I am in your exact position 100%. I feel like someone is standing on my chest constantly and have no motivation to do anything. My SO is my best friend and all my other friends are also far away. I think about him constantly and also feel like crying every time we stop face timing. He goes out with his friends and seems like he's having a good time often and also seems to be handling this way better. All I can say is I understand and I hope time makes me feel better. It's only been one month for me and have three years to go. Visiting in person if possible and talking about how you feel helps a lot I've noticed. Tell your SO how you are feeling and maybe they can help/give you some support or assurance.

[ECCurrier]

I completely understand how your all are feeling. This is my first time in a LDR and my SO has done it before so I feel like he handles it better then I do. Our work schedules are completely opposite, so I tend to spend my day's laying around the house wondering what he's doing while he's at work. I live in an extremely small town and don't really hang out with anyone other then family and I can only take so much of them. My SO and I are fortunate that we only live 5 hours from each other so we try and see each other every other week but it's still VERY hard. I have never felt the way I do about him and I honestly know I need to live my life even though we can't be together all the time. This past weekend was really hard for me with the holiday and family gatherings where everyone's SO was there but mine. I really hope it gets easier with time but I starting to think it gets harder. I am currently looking for jobs closer to him which I never thought I would give up the job I currently have but I know that with his job he can't move right away and we both want to be together so my job is the option to change. Anyway enough rambling but I total know how you all feel and I hope that we can all use this site to help us though until we see are SO's the next time

[sasad]

Please don't think I or anyone else here really doesn't understand... We do, we just have learned how to handle things and keep a healthy balance. I never said it was easy, I do say it is necessary. Just wallowing and being depressed about having nothing will drain you and your SO over time.

[R&R]

Please don't think I or anyone else here really doesn't understand... We do, we just have learned how to handle things and keep a healthy balance. I never said it was easy, I do say it is necessary. Just wallowing and being depressed about having nothing will drain you and your SO over time.

This exactly. You are 100% in control of your reactions and how you handle the situation. One person and a relationship should not have that kind of control of your emotional well-being. Missing your SO - certainly. To the point of always crying, not being able to function of being depressed - that's a problem and isn't healthy for you, your SO or your relationship.