My girlfriend said she doesn't miss me anymore ...

[Barakuda]

Hey guys, I'm in a very sticky situation here and I have no clue what to do or how to react, and I'm scared. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years. We both go to the same university and we're doing long distance over the summer. The duration has normally been for about 4 months, where we each visit one another for about 1 week. The distance by driving is approximately 6ish hour drive, so it isn't too bad ...
We've never had any issues whatsoever. There's misunderstandings and small fights, but generally we love each other immensely. We've talked about living together soon, eventually building a family, getting a house, a dog, and all that cutsie stuff. She means the world to me, and according to her I am the one she's been waiting for her entire life. I am her first boyfriend, and she's my first girlfriend - we've discovered and did everything for the first time together. We've always talked every day (almost) and just text each other whenever possible, share everything, don't hide stuff from one another and we're very trustworthy and transparent.

About 2 weeks ago we started talking less and less due to us having busy summer schedules, and just two days ago we Skyped. She's been working two jobs, waking up going to work, coming home and going to bed, and rarely even hanging out with her friends at all. This is when it came up. She said that she is confused, and that she doesn't miss me anymore. That once she used to really want to see me over the summer, but that now she doesn't feel that strong desire anymore. She said that she loves me a lot, and cares about me greatly, and that she wants to continue talking, to skype, to share stuff, but that she feels bad and doesn't understand why she doesn't miss me anymore. She's clarified it multiple times that she's not breaking up with me at all, but suggested that we take some space and work on each other. She even brought up "what do you think about a break" and at some point "we're obviously staying friends". This scared the shit out of me. She said that we try and figure things out, and that no major action or decision will be undertaken before we see each other again in school, in September, aka 2.5 months from now. I was supposed to visit her at some point this summer - she said she doesn't know anymore. She's talked to her mom and her friends who are very fond of me, and all of them have suggested that she doesn't do anything but wait and see what can be mended and that its just a phase. She's reassured me on multiple occasions that it is not me, hence why she feels bad and confused that she doesn't miss me much anymore - she mentioned that Im the most perfect boyfriend she could ever imagine and repeated once again that there's no break up involved.

She said that we both need to take a step back. That she doesn't really actively look forward to seeing me in person like it should be in a long distance, and that she's rather passive or confused about it. She said that we need to work on each other and with more space we'll be able to figure things out. She said that sometimes she wishes she could just, maybe, not have to text me every day. Or not have to say goodnight everyday. That she feels suffocated at times by this whole thing and needs a bit of air.
Based off everything Ive said above, please guys, help me out. She's everything Ive ever been looking for in a girl, and I love her immensely. I really don't want to lose her, but I don't know what I should do. She said there's no breaking up at all, that we're taking some time for ourselves and working on ourselves, but Im just worried - this could either mend the 'wound' or fix the problem, but couldn't it also just lead towards her breaking up with me at some point? Now when we talk you can definitely feel the tension coming from her side, and that there's a bit of a cold shoulder going on - or could it just be me overthinking this whole situation?

Ive talked to some friends and other people, everybody is saying that this is just a phase. That after a while its not lovey dovey like it is in the beginning, and that we're both growing and maturing both personally and in our relationship. That this phase will eventually pass, and that things will be back to normal soon after.

I just need someone with experience in this to help me out. Any answer would be greatly appreciated, and I am very thankful to all those who took their time to read and answer.

Thank you

[Honour]

Hm. I'm not sure honestly myself, however from what I'm reading it might be a case of she's overworked, overly stressed, and in dire need of a break. In any case, I would strongly suggest avoid having a break as they rarely work, and can make a bad problem even worse. I'm not a fan of them myself, I'd rather try and fix the problem there and then, or in the very short term. For awhile in my own relationship, because we couldn't meet for the first time, my SO and I grew very distant and our relationship stagnated for awhile. I didn't want to talk to him much, grew languid to the point I didn't know if I could continue with the way things were going. Whilst not immediate a change did come about, and we grew closer as a result. For some people the honeymoon phase of a relationship can last days, months or even years, it took nearly a year for my and my SO's relationship to pass the honeymoon phase. My advice would be try not to get *too* stressed out over this (I know, easier said than done) and see how things progress over the coming days and weeks. You could try approaching her about this on a day off (does she even get them, with 2 jobs?) but don't push it too far. I know it sucks, but it's possible she's down from working so much. Are you sure she doesn't really want to see you? It could just be stress talking, but I can't say for sure.

[Barakuda]

I really hope that that's the case! I planned on talking to her soonish and just bringing up the fact that we've always been together and that things will work out. Ill try to explain to her that maybe we're not in the honeymoon period of our relationship yet and that it just means we've grown and matured more so that's why we're going through moments like these. I'll remind her how great we are together when we are physically together.

What scares me is that she might just think its not worth it. And this whole thing came out of the blue - she loves me more than anything and we always talk share joke around laugh etc, and now all of a sudden she's telling me there's a disconnect and that we've grown apart. I know that she means the world to me, and she's told me multiple times how greatly she appreciates me for the fact that I'm not like the other guys - Ive never rushed things, always respected her decisions no matter the time or place, always been there to help her out through her stress and anxiety, and that Im among the few who can actually cheer her up when she's sad. All of this led me to believe that why, why would someone give this up in return for something that's unknown? (I was thinking maybe she's met another guy ... but its NOT like her at all). This ... I really hard to take in, that's for sure. I was considering about asking her friend directly through Facebook about what might be wrong with my girlfriend but I think that'd be taking it a bit far.

[Honour]

She said she didn't want to break up, so that's a good sign. What people say in any given moment can differ the next. I was really angry earlier on with something, and the things I said were because the heat was riling me up. Once it past, I was fine. Keep that in mind.

[Barakuda]

Yeah I definitely agree that that's the case. So far everybody has told me to not worry so much ... So that's what I'm gonna try to do. Hopefully things go well!

[Honour]

Wishing you luck

[QueenD]

I haven't been with my SO for nearly as long as you, and we are much older than you, but it seems to me like she is burned out like crazy and so,etching has to give. As hard as it is, I have learned that when my SO gets so busy like this, sometimes the thing that has to give is the pressure of the relationship. It is awesome that she says she doesn't want to break up, in my opinion.

What I do when my SO is struggling with an overly busy schedule, which has happened a couple of times the last few months, is to find ways to let him know I'm thinking of him and that I care that don't require much from him. My favorite ways are to send texts, and be sure to tell him there's no need to reply right away if he's busy, and also to send letters. I like to balance these communications between funny and serious. I'll send one text that is just a funny meme, and then later I send a text saying "hey sweetie, thinking of you." I do the same thing with letters. I tend to send at least 2 letters a month, and while he rarely mentions them to me, he did tell me during his visit last week that he keeps all of them and likes to read them sometimes.

Keep your chin up, do your best not to pressure her unduly, and try to find things you enjoy to entertain yourself for the summer!

[Barakuda]

Thank you so, so very much for this reply. It definitely made me feel so much better. You know, it just got to the point where I couldn't sleep at night. Ive given my heart and soul to this relationship and her, and there were NO signs of anything whatsoever before this happened (aka 1 week ago). It's like everything has been as perfect as always. Obviously, as human nature is, we tend to always think about the worst case scenarios - I was envisaging her seeing somebody else (even though it took me way over 2 months to conquer her, she's tough on that), or that she's found somebody who's got more to offer, or that she's simply over the long distance and wants more spice in the relationship, which is not her kind of thing at all ...

So all that being said, she's being really dodgy and avoiding talking to me somewhat. There's no more cute hearts in the texts, no more I love you's, she doesn't even shorten my name like she always does when she talks to me. Hopefully its a phase, or maybe I'm reading too much into it! Who knows. Hopefully it's the former and not the latter!

It was very (still is) hard to understand what can cause all of this out of the blue. We were perfect, and as cliché as it sounds, meant for each other. Nothing was wrong and we've done long distance before and it's always been fine and we've gone through it. I can't possibly picture anything that would throw her off like this other that what we've mentioned before - work, summer school, barely any time for anything at all. And of course the long distance comes as such a heavy weight on top of it all that it's making things so much worse for her, and she just doesn't know how to react ... I guess?

It also feels really good to see that most of the people Ive spoken to do believe its a phase and will go away, and that I should not think about it too much and carry on with my life all while being there for her when she needs it. I love her with all my heart, and it's so hard thinking that what was once perfect isn't anymore. But hey, I have to be mindful and considerate of what she might be going through, and hopefully she'll start missing me soon and things will go back to normal.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I have been with my SO almost 3 years and we have been LD most of it (we would see each other about every 7 months and we have had two visits of 6 months). I feel awful saying it, but I don't miss him. I miss him, but I don't. That's the only way I can describe it. I have my own life here and I am happy. Deep down inside, I miss him like crazy, but I very rarely let myself feel that. Right now with me sitting at home on a Tuesday night with work and school ahead of me, I don't miss him. I'm too busy to miss him! and my life is complete without him. Now, that is not to say that I don't love him with every fiber of my being! LD is a weird thing because you shut off those emotions that people normally thing or normal. I have learned that my normal is not missing him. I'll miss him like crazy and cry every night after he first leaves, but within a month it's normal again and I'm back to not missing him because it would be too hard for me to go on missing him like I do those first few weeks. I would never survive. So somewhere deep inside, my mind shuts that part off until I have to think about it again. I'm kind of numb. Because of that, I also don't look forward to seeing my SO. Once again hear me out: I do miss my SO and want to see him somewhere deep inside, but I shut those feelings down every time we are LD again. I am always thrilled when he comes back though! I just don't let myself feel happy until he's in my arms again. Perhaps this will help both of you understand that sometimes strange feelings are normal and that you don;t have to question them as long as you both know you still love each other.

[SophistiCat149]

I know I'm a little late, but if you are still struggling with this I might have a bit of insight. My boyfriend and I went through the same thing. I was working two jobs and doing online classes and I just got to the point where I was so overwhelmed with everything that I just shut down. I didn't even consciously notice but I started to push my boyfriend and my family away and just got into a routine of working non-stop like a machine. I told my boyfriend the same thing, that I thought we just needed to step back and breathe. Thankfully he was understanding but still persistent. What he did was he just sat me down and told me what he was thinking and how he was confused and felt like I was working myself into the ground. He said that he didn't think I needed to take a step back from him but instead I needed to take a step back from my work routine and realize that I had a life outside of work that I was missing. I took a couple days off of work and did just that and realized that he was right. I think you should just be honest with her and let her know that she might be overworking herself even if she doesn't realize it.