losing desire
Brief background info:
I am entering my second year of college, boyfriend entering third. We've been together almost five years.
When I was a high school senior, he went to college only a few hours away but came home once or twice a month.
But our first real year of LDR was this past year as my family and I moved very far south and I started college there. We stuck it out thanks to video chat and a few visits.
This is our first summer apart, but currently I am visiting my hometown for a couple weeks.
And I might mention that we are celibate.
So I am feeling guilty. I feel as if I don't miss him as much as he misses me. We're equally as busy, equally as social. He loves his friends, but they do little to distract him from missing me. He wishes I were there. I, on the other hand, could not be more content. I have grown accustomed to life without him. I have to remind myself how good we are for each other. How good he is to me. We are very alike but also symbiotic. It's perfect. I would be a fool to let him go, as it is hard to find other people who share similar ideals. Plus, my family loves him and his family loves me. He has been my go to person, my best friend for the past five years.
But I just don't feel the same desires anymore. He is very physical and he certainly wants to make up for lost time when we are together. Even though we don't have sex, we are physically affectionate. I don't desire that anymore which kills him as his "love language" is physical affection. I don't like to cuddle and kiss anymore. It pains me to write this, but I don't find him as physically attractive as I used to. I don't know why.
He is very expressive too. You would think he came straight out of a Nicholas Sparks book. Other girls might kill for that, but I get a little bit uncomfortable with excessive tender words. I used to go along with it and return the favor - "You're my everything too. You complete me too." But now I question if I even mean it anymore. He is not my everything. I can live without him. My dad, though very fond of my SO, is a realist and told me that my SO is a "walking cliche" haha. I've thought about this. Nobody really says those things. And he says these kinds of things so much that they have lost meaning to me, if that makes sense. To the point where it has turned me off. I don't know, maybe I am just becoming more like my rationalist, not-overly-affectionate parents, and my SO will come to his senses in time. But he has told me it is just who he is. So maybe he truly means it, and I truly don't. What if I am falling out of love with him.. We are maturing and growing in our own ways.
The older he gets, the more desire he has to marry me and have kids. See I am not feeling that. I don't want to grow up. Sure, I look forward to the future but I am embracing the present. I don't even want to think about kids right now. Right now, college is refreshing to me. I have freedom. Again, it pains me to say this, but this LDR has its perks too, as I can hang out with girl friends more. I didn't get to do that in high school as I was always with him on weekends. (we realize now that was a mistake) I don't feel tied down like I might if we attended the same school. I don't mean tied down relationship-wise; I have not felt anything towards anyone else. We are faithful to one another. What I mean is it has been nice to have independence as an individual.
I don't know. I've talked an awful lot about the negatives, but believe me when I say that he is wonderful. He is becoming a strong, independent, hard working young man and I am so proud of him. We communicate as often as we can, and it's great. We are still very close in the friend aspect of our relationship. But I am just not feeling as romantically and physically attracted to him anymore. Has anyone else felt this way?
I am entering my second year of college, boyfriend entering third. We've been together almost five years.
When I was a high school senior, he went to college only a few hours away but came home once or twice a month.
But our first real year of LDR was this past year as my family and I moved very far south and I started college there. We stuck it out thanks to video chat and a few visits.
This is our first summer apart, but currently I am visiting my hometown for a couple weeks.
And I might mention that we are celibate.
So I am feeling guilty. I feel as if I don't miss him as much as he misses me. We're equally as busy, equally as social. He loves his friends, but they do little to distract him from missing me. He wishes I were there. I, on the other hand, could not be more content. I have grown accustomed to life without him. I have to remind myself how good we are for each other. How good he is to me. We are very alike but also symbiotic. It's perfect. I would be a fool to let him go, as it is hard to find other people who share similar ideals. Plus, my family loves him and his family loves me. He has been my go to person, my best friend for the past five years.
But I just don't feel the same desires anymore. He is very physical and he certainly wants to make up for lost time when we are together. Even though we don't have sex, we are physically affectionate. I don't desire that anymore which kills him as his "love language" is physical affection. I don't like to cuddle and kiss anymore. It pains me to write this, but I don't find him as physically attractive as I used to. I don't know why.
He is very expressive too. You would think he came straight out of a Nicholas Sparks book. Other girls might kill for that, but I get a little bit uncomfortable with excessive tender words. I used to go along with it and return the favor - "You're my everything too. You complete me too." But now I question if I even mean it anymore. He is not my everything. I can live without him. My dad, though very fond of my SO, is a realist and told me that my SO is a "walking cliche" haha. I've thought about this. Nobody really says those things. And he says these kinds of things so much that they have lost meaning to me, if that makes sense. To the point where it has turned me off. I don't know, maybe I am just becoming more like my rationalist, not-overly-affectionate parents, and my SO will come to his senses in time. But he has told me it is just who he is. So maybe he truly means it, and I truly don't. What if I am falling out of love with him.. We are maturing and growing in our own ways.
The older he gets, the more desire he has to marry me and have kids. See I am not feeling that. I don't want to grow up. Sure, I look forward to the future but I am embracing the present. I don't even want to think about kids right now. Right now, college is refreshing to me. I have freedom. Again, it pains me to say this, but this LDR has its perks too, as I can hang out with girl friends more. I didn't get to do that in high school as I was always with him on weekends. (we realize now that was a mistake) I don't feel tied down like I might if we attended the same school. I don't mean tied down relationship-wise; I have not felt anything towards anyone else. We are faithful to one another. What I mean is it has been nice to have independence as an individual.
I don't know. I've talked an awful lot about the negatives, but believe me when I say that he is wonderful. He is becoming a strong, independent, hard working young man and I am so proud of him. We communicate as often as we can, and it's great. We are still very close in the friend aspect of our relationship. But I am just not feeling as romantically and physically attracted to him anymore. Has anyone else felt this way?
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