2.6 year ldr breakup

[feelingsad]

So we met when my girlfriend (24 years old) came to england for a study abroad, she is a drama student and im from the uk (23 years old) and was also studying at the same university/college. long story short we got together 7 months later in march before she left back to america in june where she would finish her studies and start her career. At this time I still had 4 years left at university/college. I visited her that very first summer a month after she left (she is from Califronia) for 5 weeks, it was amazing and we fully fell in love. the next time i saw her I surprised her for christmas, it was a great trip. all together through the 2.5 years I visited 6 times and she visited twice, I had no problem with this as she was focusing on her theatre career and I had regular holidays from college so it worked. I even visited her for our 2 year anniversary which I bought 2 weeks prior because we just wanted to see eachother for it. 2 months later she was a lead in a great show and I came to see her for 6 weeks (june to late august) and supported her, we were very much still in love. As I left she was starting another show which would last 2 months and then she would move to New York to try for her dream career in broadway (in early October), everything was going great until the last month of her leaving to new york. Our communication got hard as she was busy especially because of the time difference (im 8 ours ahead) but it worked out for 2.5 years so I didnt worry too much. After her show she moved straight to new york and commuication was still short especially on my side because I just wanted her to settle in and find an apartment/job. I did start to get a little upset that we wasnt calling eachother and told her my worries (i have anxiety which made things worse), she said she loves me and not to forgot it. 5 days later she calls me on skype and ends the relationship saying she doesnt want long distance anymore and that the wait for me to go there is just too long and she's too distracted with the relationship to focus on her career (i had less than 2 years left before i would move). She also had a flight already booked to see me in 2 months. I got really upset, I was/am confused as to why it happened when everything was okay just a few days before. I offered solutions and different ways to communicate but she won't consider trying and shes adamant about the decision. It's been a week since the break up and im torn apart, I miss her but she wants her space and im struggling to give it to her. 2.5 years of daily texting just suddenly stopped. She hasn't been in new york for 2 weeks yet and she already ended it and nothing to me makes sense, I asked if there was someone else she assured me there wasn't. She said that she doesn't know if she feels the same way about me anymore. I feel like I havn't had closure and im losing my mind, I feel that it is unfair and that I dont deserve what she is doing. She sais she has to do what's best for her yet she was telling me how much she loved me a week before. We have skyped a couple of times since the breakup and she is really upset too, especially of my health as my sleeping and eating has been very limited since. I was sad and booked a flight to go see her becaue I want to talk about it, I dont want her out of my life. I told her I was coming a couple of days ago and she said I shouldn't be coming. I said she didn't have to see me but told her where I was staying and it's for 4 days, she said she will come see me. the trip is in a week and im losing my mind and im scared she wont see the light in our realtionship. I also asked if we could try something different like calling more often rather thantexting so much and try it until she comes over in 2 months and if she still feels the same way we can atleast talk about it in person and end it mutually, but she doesn't want that either. I'm left asking why I should go there? will it make a difference? Can I change her mind? I have spoke to family and they are all just as confused as I am, and my family are a little upset at her for doing it in such a way so early into being into a new city and 3 hours closer to me. I dont know what to do, any advice?

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD and I'm sorry about your circumstances.

What I have found, when someone breaks up suddenly, is that is was never suddenly on their end even though the other party may be surprised. People generally don't wake up one day and decide to end a relationship for no reason. It has usually been building in the background for quite some time and then something happens to make them finally end it. It may have been the move that was her point of deciding to be on her own.

As hard as it is, you need to respect her wishes. It's very rare that both people are in agreement when a relationship ends. If she has asked you not to come, not to call or text - respect that. Take the time to focus on you and your healing. Will she want to work it out later? Noone knows. But I don't suggest sitting and waiting. I don't mean to jump into another reationship but rather, really take some time on your own and do your best to not dwell on the "what if's" but instead the reality of what is is and how you can move forward.