We broke up, I regret it.
My boyfriend and I have dated for a little over 3 years now, but that was up until I decided to break it off with him.
I'm attending college about 4 hours away from him and he attends college in our hometown. He's a hard worker and is often busy because of the fact that he has to support himself by paying for his car and school tuition. I'm an obsessive person when I'm distressed, and I love him a lot. So when I can't speak to him for long hours or have a decent conversation with him at night (usually we only talk at night, and nothing more than that) I get frustrated and lash out on him. Typically I go quiet and then point out all of his flaws as if nothing was my fault. I hate that about myself.
So every summer I usually go home to work my butt off for the upcoming fall semester so I can afford necessary school stuff. During this time I'm able to catch up with him and spend as much time with him as I can, maybe go on trips with my family and him. This year I wasn't able to do that because I found a job at my university and stayed at school. I feel like it took a toll on our relationship, but more so on myself because I began to think the worst of him since I could never see him. I missed him so much that I began to resent him entirely and fought with him about every minuscule thing. Because we fought so often, I felt like we weren't fixing our relationship and that he didn't care. I convinced myself that he got so comfortable with us being apart that he just expected us to stay together no matter how stagnant the relationship got. I also let my mother's opinion cloud my head, because she said she didn't want me to settle on my first long-term boyfriend (he's my first). And because I felt so alienated from him, I felt like I could do better or that I deserved better. It was like I didn't love him anymore, like all these thoughts buried that wonderful feeling.
At the beginning of this month (October) I broke up with him because I didn't feel the same way that I used to. It's like I became obsessed about everything I didn't like about him that I couldn't remember anything I did like. I told him about how I wish he'd open up to me more, and see me more. Or how I wish he was more mature and talkative and adventurous. I feel terrible about saying all of these things to him looking back now. I told him that if we stayed together and prolonged the pain, that I would make him miserable because of my resentment. I knew this was true because it was already happening. But I feel like I made a huge mistake because he loved me unconditionally, no matter what I did or say he would speak his mind about it and then put it in the past and hope to move on from it. I just couldn't do that, and I feel like thats my own personal problem. I felt that by ending this relationship I would be less miserable, but now I'm breaking into pieces because I wish I never did it.
The month hasn't ended yet and I want to see him and talk about our issues. My mom thinks it's too soon and that I am settling. I want to believe that he's the one and that we can make it work, but I don't know if that's just me being too hopeful in order to ease the pain of the break up. I'm going to see him within the next day or two, but I don't know what will happen. My issue is my uncertainty, and how much my mom's opinion influences me and my emotions. I just can't trust myself to make decisions anymore because my feelings are so volatile. I need guidance.
I'm attending college about 4 hours away from him and he attends college in our hometown. He's a hard worker and is often busy because of the fact that he has to support himself by paying for his car and school tuition. I'm an obsessive person when I'm distressed, and I love him a lot. So when I can't speak to him for long hours or have a decent conversation with him at night (usually we only talk at night, and nothing more than that) I get frustrated and lash out on him. Typically I go quiet and then point out all of his flaws as if nothing was my fault. I hate that about myself.
So every summer I usually go home to work my butt off for the upcoming fall semester so I can afford necessary school stuff. During this time I'm able to catch up with him and spend as much time with him as I can, maybe go on trips with my family and him. This year I wasn't able to do that because I found a job at my university and stayed at school. I feel like it took a toll on our relationship, but more so on myself because I began to think the worst of him since I could never see him. I missed him so much that I began to resent him entirely and fought with him about every minuscule thing. Because we fought so often, I felt like we weren't fixing our relationship and that he didn't care. I convinced myself that he got so comfortable with us being apart that he just expected us to stay together no matter how stagnant the relationship got. I also let my mother's opinion cloud my head, because she said she didn't want me to settle on my first long-term boyfriend (he's my first). And because I felt so alienated from him, I felt like I could do better or that I deserved better. It was like I didn't love him anymore, like all these thoughts buried that wonderful feeling.
At the beginning of this month (October) I broke up with him because I didn't feel the same way that I used to. It's like I became obsessed about everything I didn't like about him that I couldn't remember anything I did like. I told him about how I wish he'd open up to me more, and see me more. Or how I wish he was more mature and talkative and adventurous. I feel terrible about saying all of these things to him looking back now. I told him that if we stayed together and prolonged the pain, that I would make him miserable because of my resentment. I knew this was true because it was already happening. But I feel like I made a huge mistake because he loved me unconditionally, no matter what I did or say he would speak his mind about it and then put it in the past and hope to move on from it. I just couldn't do that, and I feel like thats my own personal problem. I felt that by ending this relationship I would be less miserable, but now I'm breaking into pieces because I wish I never did it.
The month hasn't ended yet and I want to see him and talk about our issues. My mom thinks it's too soon and that I am settling. I want to believe that he's the one and that we can make it work, but I don't know if that's just me being too hopeful in order to ease the pain of the break up. I'm going to see him within the next day or two, but I don't know what will happen. My issue is my uncertainty, and how much my mom's opinion influences me and my emotions. I just can't trust myself to make decisions anymore because my feelings are so volatile. I need guidance.
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