How long is too long for LD?

[sarah557]

Hey guys! So I am in a fairly new relationship (since October). He recently moved to Texas to visit his dad and pursue his career. I have never been so happy in my life with this guy. he is 20 and I'm 19 and we just totally clicked. He makes me feel like the most loved girl ever and always reassures me that everything is going to work out fine. My parents were in a LDR for four years while they were both in college. They were engaged though. I just wanted to ask and see how long was too long? I am going to be in college for another 2.5 years due to the nursing program. We will most likely only be able to see each other 3 or 4 times a year. I'm really having a tough time at the moment. My mom told me that if it's meant to work out, it will work out. I agree but what are your thoughts and opinions on the length of time? Are we going to be able to visit each other enough?

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD.

How long is different for every couple. My SO and I have been together 3 years and we should be closing the distance later this year. We had 16 months between visits this last time. Prior to that we saw each other about every 5 months. This last visit, we got married.
There are people here who have been together for over a year and have never had the opportunity to meet in person yet. Some people see each other every weekend. It's going to vary for every couple.

The key thing to remember is your partner and your relationship should not become your life or your only focus - they should enhance/add-on to an already full life. Don't lose yourself in this relationship. Continue to focus on school, spend time with friends, do stuff with family, etc - all the things you were doing before. This helps the time go by and gives you things to talk about when you talk with your SO.

Your attitude is also going to go a long way. If you start each day on a positive note, it's going to help you. So whether you see each other every few months or it's 6-7 months in between visits, you will be fine. If you sit and focus on how hard it is and about all the things you currently don't have instead of what you do have in your life and your relationship, you are just going to make it harder on yourself. This can be done successfully if both parties want it and are willing to work together, communicate, not smother each other and continue to remember they are individuals as well as a couple.

[SmileyK]

Welcome! My BF and I have been in an LDR for 4 years and 2 months now. We have only met twice, though for 5 and 4 weeks each time. The last time it was a two year wait between visits. This time it's only (only?) a year and a half, with a year already down and 5-6 months to go. As your Mom says, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. We've had our ups and downs, you've just got to decide whether it will be worth it in the end, and for us, it is. We hope to close the distance about mid-year *fingers crossed*

[sarah557]

Thank you so much!! That really opened my eyes. I do need to work on just focusing on myself so I can be a better person in the relationship as whole. I appreciate your thoughts SO much.

[pau]

It depends on both of you. Some people break up when their SO leave for an exchange program for a semester, others have no problem to be in a LDR for years. If you are both committed to wait and make it work, then it probably will!

[differentcountries]

Hi,

generally it is easier if you are not that used to being together close distance. You have plans to have regular visits, that is always good. You have the experience that your parents survived long distance as a couple, and today there is even more technology that can help you.

We have dated more than 3 years, 2900 miles apart. We used to be able to see each other every 1-2 months, but now we are more around every 2-3 months usually - last time we went 4 moths between visits (I had just started a new job, so I did not have the time or money to see him).

We "talk" on Viber every day, send lots of pictures, sometimes record videos and Skype every now and then. Right now we are in luck because he is in slow season at his job - in the middle of high season he has very little time for me. I have learned to slow down my fears when this happens, but when season slows down I still feel a bit sad and tired, hoping he will make it up to me. The upside of dating a restaurant manager is that he makes his slow season guests sing happy birthday to me on Viber video

After 3 years we are a bit worn with long distance. It is not so much we cant handle the distance as it is hard to not have an end date. We are looking in to ways to make this happen, but realistically it will take at least 2 more years to close the distance. I think we can handle it as long as we know we have something to look forward to. Closing the distance does not magically make everything good, but it can take care of some of the practical and financial problems that comes with having to spend lots of time apart.

Take this time as an uppertunity to learn about yourself, focus on school and your hobbies and friends. You may also appreciate that visits are special and time together precious, and learn how to communicate over the distance. We do everything online.... Flirt, comfort each other, even hug (we flick our fingers across the screen, or write I wish to hug you right now).

Happy long distance and check out the tip section for letters and all

[Chris516]

OP, The timetable and/or distance for LDR is limitless.

[erwin1973]

Hi Sarah,

It's hard. Let me tell you that first. But... if he is the right one, it's worth the wait.

I can only confirm what has been said: focus on what you have and be happy with every contact with him, but don't forget to live.

My first LDR was in 2002, we met every 5 months or so and we got married in 2004. Unfortunately, that didn't work out and we devorced 10 years after. Now I am in an LDR again, for almost 5 months now. My visits to her will be less frequent, since the tickets are far more expensive, but we wait. We wait for Gods time to be right.

For us, we chat as much as possible, because for us that works. For others may be once a day will be fine. Find out what works for you and again: don't forget your life to live. I agree with your mother: if it's meant to be, it will work out. But it requires working on it - from both sides. Just as in a 'normal' relationship.

Good luck with each other! I wish you all the best.