Feeling the anxiety

[sarah557]

Hey ya'll!

So last night my boyfriend and I were discussing how painful these next 2.5 years are going to be. I am currently staying at my University because I have a year and a half under my belt and about 2.5 years left until I graduate. I'm trying to get my nursing degree. My boyfriend just recently moved to Texas and it has now officially been a month since we've seen each other. I'm hoping to visit him down there during my spring break! He is still looking for jobs up here but he hasn't had any bites yet. Anyways, last night he texted me and said

"It's a long time. It's only been a month and I feel like our relationship isn't as strong as it first was! I do still love you and I want to marry you! I've never had to do this so I don't know how to make it work."

We talked earlier today because I got pretty upset over that thinking he wanted to end things. He reassured me that that's not the case and he loves me and all that but now I just can't shake that feeling of "what if". What if he decided he wants to quit this? What if he decided this isn't worth it? I'm invested in this 200%. I'm just so worried that he's going to give up on us. How can I shake that feeling? I know he loves me and wants to marry me and all that but now that fear is pressed into my brain. How can I make him feel more loved and more hopeful?

Have you ever gone through these feelings or anything like it? I would appreciate any advice/positive vibes ya'll have to offer. Thank you!

[Chris516]

Your 'guarded' feeling is not uncommon. I have even felt that before.

He has stated that, his feelings haven't changed.

Besides classes on campus and studying, what else do you do with your time?

[Honour]

Occupy your time so that you don't spend the whole time worrying. Keep in mind, however, that it takes two to tango, and not everyone is able to deal with being in an LDR.

I go through the motions all the time. I am not as strong as my SO is, the distance bugs him, sure. But I have had a harder time dealing with it than he has. Whilst the distance and the time zones between us aren't as extreme as some others in LDRs, I find sometimes it's a little too much for me to deal with. It's okay to have some self-doubt, but you mustn't let it weigh you down. What keeps me going is that the constant reminder of the man I have come to love dearly is waiting for me, is determined to fight the distance to be with me, and that I can deal with this, because I've been through far worse. Distance between couples doesn't last forever, if you really put your heart into the relationship.

[Loveyoumore]

It's hard to be apart from the one you love alot and it takes alot of oatience & understanding on both parts. Its easy to get anxious when being in a LDR because when you are'nt together the distance can get the best of you and make you think all these crazy what ifs. Thats when you need some reassurrance from your SO that things are going to work out and that their love is just for you. It's hard not letting the distance get to us esp. when we havent seen the other person in awhile its easy for insecurities to sneak up & makes us a little batty.

[sarah557]

Your 'guarded' feeling is not uncommon. I have even felt that before.

He has stated that, his feelings haven't changed.

Besides classes on campus and studying, what else do you do with your time?

I work at a middle school, and I hang out with his family every weekend too. With them, I get to enjoy my hobbies of riding horses and just hanging out on the ranch. I also have friends on campus and we go hiking, snowboarding, and all of that stuff when we have time.

[Chris516]

I work at a middle school, and I hang out with his family every weekend too. With them, I get to enjoy my hobbies of riding horses and just hanging out on the ranch. I also have friends on campus and we go hiking, snowboarding, and all of that stuff when we have time.

Is the anxiety overwhelming? Because, It sounds like your mind is occupied with a lot of fun things that you do.

[sarah557]

Is the anxiety overwhelming? Because, It sounds like your mind is occupied with a lot of fun things that you do.

It definitely can be. I am thinking about starting counseling soon but then I think I am just overreacting. Anxiety runs in the family I just have him on my mind constantly and I don't know how to change that. It's not a bad thing because it shows that I love him, I just can't be distracted constantly like I feel I am.

[Chris516]

It definitely can be. I am thinking about starting counseling soon but then I think I am just overreacting. Anxiety runs in the family I just have him on my mind constantly and I don't know how to change that. It's not a bad thing because it shows that I love him, I just can't be distracted constantly like I feel I am.

Well, Lets' put it sort of in this context. Do you think about him while you are horseback riding or snowboarding? Both times when you really need to pay attention to what you are doing. In my own case. When I am riding my (road)racing bike in high speed traffic. I don't have the time to be thinking about my SO. Because I have to pay attention to the traffic. Just as you wouldn't want to hit a tree while snowboarding, or get thrown from a horse. I don't want to get hit by some idiot driver while I am on my bike.

The middle school sounds like a great job. Are you a teacher, or a teacher's assistant?

I do think that, since anxiety runs in the family. You re-energize your anxiety about missing him, when you spend the weekend with his family. The flipside of spending so much time with them is that how relate to his family, and vice versa. Is a great chance at positive growth in the relationship.

[lovestoread]

It's hard to be apart from the one you love alot and it takes alot of oatience & understanding on both parts. Its easy to get anxious when being in a LDR because when you are'nt together the distance can get the best of you and make you think all these crazy what ifs. Thats when you need some reassurrance from your SO that things are going to work out and that their love is just for you. It's hard not letting the distance get to us esp. when we havent seen the other person in awhile its easy for insecurities to sneak up & makes us a little batty.

I agree