My fiancé and I are taking a break so that I can finish school. It's really confusing because he wants everything to be the same (not that I don't want that.). We still talk just as much and follow the same boundaries as if we were still engaged. I still wear my ring. We talk everyday. He just wants to use not being in a relationship as a way to motivate him to get his life together so that we can be with each other again. We're looking at about 2 years long distance so that I can finish nursing school and I'm having such a hard time coming to terms with it. It's for the best because we both need to grow. He tells me everyday that he loves me and can't wait to be with me. It's so rough because I miss him and I wish everything were the same. We lived together. He's the love of my life and it hurts to think that our relationship could fall apart. He seems really determined to try everything and not to give up but I have my doubts. The words are great, he absolutely does everything that he can to involve me in everything that he does but I need to see action. He needs to keep all of the promises you know? He told me that after the two years he finally wants to get married. I probably sound like a naive girl but I can't help but have hope because I absolutely love him to pieces. Has anyone gone through anything similar or have any advice to offer? It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much! (Please be kind to me. I'm really going through a lot right now.)
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Hey srobinson96!
Its kinda crazy how similar our stories are. I've been in an long distance relationship for a year now, so I'm going to give you advice from a man's perspective. My girlfriend moved 6 hours away her senior year of high school (I was a freshman in college at the time) a year ago and now she is in medical school. We still have 2-3 more years until we're permanently reunited. Now, what I don't get, is why you guys are taking a break. As a couple, a team, a unit, you guys NEED to strive to get through any situation together! This is not good because you guys are about to be husband and wife, and with marriage, there are no breaks. I understand you said this is motivation for him, but as a man, the thing that motivates me more is being able to provide for my girlfriend and future family. He will get MORE motivation if you guys were together. As for being in a ldr, yes it is hard, one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, but trust me, at the end of these 2 years you guys bond will indestructible. Just remember to keep talking every single day. discuss your future together, get inside his head. plan to see each other every 2-6 months if possible. These 2 years will be over before you know, just stay encourage. -
Sadly, breaks seldom work. They tend to go from temporarily to permanent. I fully agree with appleman.Distance means nothing when someone means everything.
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IMO, you either want to be together, or you don't. Breaks don't work, except for very, very rare occasions. I would never advise anyone take a break, no matter what the reason, because leaving things unsaid is way worse than trying to work through issues.Comment
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What I don't understand is...
You're talking about your fiancé, that means you're about to get married. Take a break for, what, 2 years? And then? Get married after not talking to eachter for 24 months? I hope you arn't serious, because it sounds very very odd.
Besides, if you can't support each other in difficult times, you don't deserve to be together in good times (my opinion).Distance means nothing when someone means everything.
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Can't edit my post anymore. I also like to add that you can't be on a break for a few years and build your own life and then boom get married. It doesnt work that way. Being engaged means you are planning marriage. Break and marriage planning don't go together.Comment
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I know it may seem odd. There is a little more going on so things are complicated. I didn't want to share everything. We talk everyday, FaceTime, etc. we are constantly in contact. It's like nothing has changed other than the fact that we're not living together. It's not that we don't want to be together. What he said to me is that he wanted to work toward being together again. I have so many goals and things that I want to accomplish so I'm going to school and working. He has no clue what he wants to do with his life. He wants to figure out what he wants to do. He needs this time for himself and I understand. We weren't planning on getting married immediately. Of course we will need time to re evaluate and to work toward that. I was hesitant about even posting because I know it sounds weird. It's a very unique situation (one that I've personally never had to deal with). Everyone's relationship is different. I was just looking for advice from someone that is an outside party. Thanks to everyone that replied. It really did help.Comment
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Thank you so much. This really did help me. As far as the break goes it's what he wanted. We talk everyday and nothing has changed. He told me that he feels like he's holding me back from doing the things that I want to do. He wants me to finish school. He just has no clue what he wants to do with his life and he wanted to use this time to figure it out. I guess the way that I phrased some of the original post could've been better. It's a very unique situation and there is more to it. I just don't necessarily want to put it all out there. Thanks again for this. It really does help a lot.Comment
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