Feeling uneasy and insecure

[Aanya]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years now. We were in the same high school, dated for a year then broke off after grad, started once again in College.
But in different cities. On an average me meet twice a year, during the summer-winter breaks. In the three years of college, we have had lots of ups and downs, really bad ones, which at a point left me really emotionally dependent on him, while he enjoyed spending more time with friends. We got through it and he changed and gave me more time.

Bht this fear always stays in me, he has everytime turned distant after we've met and spent good time together. He goes back to school and just gets busy, and I keep missing him. That's a time when we ALWAYS have fights, and it's again always about giving time.
O constantly feel he doesn't give me time. I always make time when he's free, but when I'm free he doesn't. Lot more details about this but I won't go into it

Now we met yesterday, but only one day because he'd come to town for a family thing, and tomorrow he's leaving. We'd gone out for lunch, I was so happy anf excited to be spending time but just couldn't get the same vibe from him. Not saying he was just not interested but suddenly I'd feel he wasn't interested. And now I am sad, obv, that he's leaving and we'll meet after 3 months now, but he hasn't said one word about missing me, or making sure we don't get distant
Don't take me wrong he's a great guy, but he just becomes distant and that makes me hella insecure. Next week he's going out with friends for the weekend to a beach town, and there will be a couple. I know it's a couple and he's loyal, I don't doubt him one bit, but I'm so uneasy that he's going out. I want to get over this insecurity because it ruins things for us, I end up taking out my frustration at him and it ends with a fight.

If you want certain more details about the losing trust part, I'll add them in the comment, I feel they had a role to play.

[erwin1973]

Hi and welcome.
It looks to me as if your insecurity is based upon really nothing else than your own insecurity. Hence, I don't feel like he is giving you that many reasons to be insecure. I would advice you to find some professional help with this. Lack of trust in the other is a lack of trust in yourself.
I wish you good luck with finding the help you probably need. Keep your head up!

[awills1]

Hi and welcome.
It looks to me as if your insecurity is based upon really nothing else than your own insecurity. Hence, I don't feel like he is giving you that many reasons to be insecure. I would advice you to find some professional help with this. Lack of trust in the other is a lack of trust in yourself.
I wish you good luck with finding the help you probably need. Keep your head up!

I agree with this to a degree, because it does sound as though he hasn't given you a reason NOT to trust him. Having read the original post, I can relate to you. I have recently visited my now-ex-boyfriend in the US (I live in England) and the week we spent together was perfect but as soon as I got home I was putting in 110%, whilst he was putting in barely half and wasn't initiating any contact. Nothing stemmed from my insecurities, but was simply down to the fact that this is one of the hardest relationships one can ever have to endure. Long distance relationships need effort from both parties. I kept bringing up the distance, and that this is a two way street, and he ended up saying that he needed 'space' (which I did give him) but today I made the decision to walk away. I'm not saying that this is the path that you should follow, but if I could go back and change anything, perhaps I wouldn't have tweaked quite as much but at the same time your boyfriend isn't the only one in the car anymore.

My own suggestion would be to try taking a step back, even though I know it will be hard. It could simply be that he's so content with how things are and as women we tend to cling to the physical traits (ie. 'when we were together you were so great but now you're not giving me attention' kinda thing. With regard to him going out, I think you're over thinking this which is where I do have to agree with erwin's point. You know he's loyal.. he's told you what he's doing.. there shouldn't be an issue here.

Try not to focus on him not saying that he misses you. It's nice, yes, but men don't think like this. Try to focus on the positive elements of your relationship and perhaps try to invest your time more into your hobbies, your friends, your career, and I'm sure that everything will work out. Keep us posted!

[VegasLove]

He was in town for a family thing, and didn't invite you? Or want to spend the night with you?

If you went for lunch with him, and he seemed to care less then you need to have a calm and mature conversation about where he is and where you are in this relationship.

If your gut is telling you things, listen to it. Make sure that it's not anxiety or depression taking over your intuitions. Women have very strong intuitions and we constantly ignore them.

I hope the best for you! And what ever outcome, know that you'll be ok.