First Time LDR

[firsttimetay]

Hello everyone!

I am new to this forum site and I am very very glad to have come across it.

I am currently in college and my boyfriend has already graduated and is moving to Virginia for an indefinite amount of time. We have dated for about 11 months before this transition so we have spent tons of time together. However, once he is able to land a job he will be permanently moving to that location and it could be anywhere in the USA.

Does anyone have any advice or tips for how to keep sane during this process? He has only been gone for about two days and the only time I am really struggling with is at night, it was when we would spend most of our time together.

Looking forward to this amazing community!
Tay

[hmrambling]

Here is advice from my own experience that I offer to folks who get caught up in waiting for the next text from their partner:

Are you a student? If yes, go to school. Focus on school.
Are you gainfully employed? If yes, go to work and be present at work.
Have friends? If yes, spend time with them. Enjoy yourself.
Have hobbies? If yes, spend time on your hobbies.
Have family? If yes, spend time with them.
Have interests? If yes, spend time on those things you are interested in.
Have internet? Read about the stages of relationships so that you will be knowledgeable about how relationships grow.
Exercised today? If not, go for a walk or jog or bike ride. Get active.
If you answered no to all of the above, change your life so that you can answer yes to some of these things.

Be a whole person so that you can be a whole person in a relationship. Become a priority and have a great relationship with yourself. Do not rely on your partner to complete you. Be a complete person whose partner is a positive addition to your life.

[onlyemily]

Welcome to the forum! Definitely agree with hmrambling...you definitely have to be your own person and do all the things you want to do, including keeping yourself busy and just being you. My SO and I usually fall asleep on the phone together, I have unlimited data and so does he so it doesn't make too many problems. It does feel weird at first but it helps me a lot knowing he is on the other line when I wake up in the middle of the night. Sleeping on the phone helps us stay closer together.

Hope this helps!

[Fedorya]

Hello and congrats for your relationship.

Welcome to the hard but beautiful world of LDR !

hmrambling already said the most importants basics. Be yourself and have your own life.
That what a LDR teach us. If you want it to work then learn again how to hace your own life on the side.
Normal couples tend to spend TOO much time togethers.. to the point that they think their life revolve around their partner.. false. And LDR will teach you that.

My keyword in LDR : moderation.

From my pasts experiences :
-texting during the day is fine. But don't text too much to the point you neglect your daily activities (sport. Leisures. Work. Studies.. etc...)
During my first LDR i was nearly fired from my job because i was texting my SO amm day, neglecting my work.

-if he don't answer your texts right away don't freak out. He may be busy.
Sometime my SO was answering my texts hours laters (we are about to marry nowaday btw).

-Being apart is HARD lets be honest. So divert your mind during the day like hmrambling pointed.

-Communication is the key. We are miles apart. We don't see eachothers aside from videocalls so be TRANSPARENT on EVERYTHINGS. don't hide or keep for later your anguish, problems or wathever. Speak to him as soon as it arise and be frank and honest.
It will build your Trust in eachoters, the corner stone of any LDR.
And also make you a way more communicative couple than majority of normal couples.

-have mini goals and an ultimate goal set from the beginning.
It is very important and help a lot !
The ultimate goal is usually living together when we are both settle.
But add mini goals during the journey like visiting you in a close future. Once a mini goal is achieved, decide on another one asap.
Time will past faster believe me

-Don't set your LDR on agenda. Don't program.in advance your Videocalls. Phone calls etc..
Be spontaneous. You both have a live. And fixed dates and time for LDR activities can make you feel trapped in your relationship. If something happen or you are invited to your friend birthday but at the time it take place you gonna miss your scheduled videocall ? Its the recipe for problems on the long run.
Live your life and be spontaneous. Either you and your SO will enjoy this liberty.
Don't let your LDR become and obligation or you will fail it.

-but sometime you can schedule some events like. Next week on wednesday lets have a videocall date.
Internet is a gold mine of ideas for these.

-never drop the cute names. Unless you both hate that. Never drop using names like baby. Honey. My love. My fluffy pudding or anything you usually use.
These names are what differenciate you from others.

-the 3 months wall is real. All my failed LDR suffered from the 3 months wall.
If after 3 months the cutename tend to disapear. The texts or calls become more rare. Be warry. It MAY be a sign that your partner is losing faith in the LDR.
Talk asap. Plan a meeting ot wathever. But make a point on the relationship.

Hope these few advices will help.

[ananthiM]

Everyone falls in love once in a lifetime.There are ups and downs in relationship sometimes its goes so well sometimes it goes so bad that we think to end the relationship with person. Social media sometimes ruin your relationship. Whether to trust your partner is cheating or not. Possessiveness all over. social media apps like instagram, snapchat , tinder facebook people look out for new people to talk too. People should take love, relationship advice before going to all this. Relationship are not that easy. And if its a long distance relationship we need to worry more about our partner.