It's getting hard again...

[amorathi]

Hey guys. Lately, things have been tough for my boyfriend and I. We've been arguing about plans, communication, and possibly closing the distance. It's like we mostly had it figured out, particularly the communication. I've recently lost his ring he gave me, so I know that I've been more insecure and needy lately with my anxiety going up the roof. Since then we've argued a lot just about different things like a trip that we are planning in May, his dad and him putting us in this situation, planning things to do, and the plan of possibly closing the distance sooner. Like planning things to do together aren't being done because he doesn't keep his word. Sometimes, yes, they are out of his control but sometimes they're not... We talked about it though, saying that we need to work on these things that yeah sometimes some plans don't work but he has to at least try to make them work, which he said he's wanting to work on so yay! But... Ugh, the possibility of closing the distance sooner... I want it to happen. So like, he's trying to finish his Associate's but thanks to his parents he won't finish until the summer rather than this semester. We're hoping that he can come back to OK in the fall and he can finish his bachelor's/masters here while I work during my gap year and then go back to school. Live together in an apartment and doing all the things together -- cooking together, hang out with friends, sleeping together, having a pet together, paying bills. Just all of it. That's what we want... That's the dream that I want to make reality. But he wants to leave with his parents relatively okay and no major consequences and prove to them that we can make it work and he can do things on his own... But I honestly don't think his parents', particularly his ignorant dad, will care. They just want him there. Like the other day, he flat out told his mom that he's not happy... And she's like well that's your perspective and later like "well hopefully you'll change"... Like what? Ugh it's frustrating. I understand just leaving his parents isn't easy but... There has to be a point where it's got to stop especially when we are both 21. He's scared of the future which I mean I am too... But I know that I will be a lot less scared as long as he's by my side. He says it'll be hard and there might be bad consequences... but isn't it hard right now? He says he's going to try which is great and is going to consider leaving... I just guess a part of me wishes he said he will. Maybe that's selfish of me.

Regardless, we make sure we resolve most things but...It's a lot and frustrating and it brings me back to crying and moping in my room. I keep thinking about the good memories, the events that led up to this frustrating LDR, and imagining the future. Getting up and doing my schoolwork or whatever is just really hard for me again. I'm even going back to not eating as much... We were doing better and everything.. Like we are still confident in our relationship but i just keep lapsing into crying and missing him. I don't want to quit and give up on this relationship... We both don't. I miss being happy with him. I miss how things were before he was forced to move back home... I have been trying to take this opportunity to reconnect with my friends and I'm ok when going to classes but it's only temporarily. At the end of the day, I'm in my apartment waiting and crying for him. It's just so hard sometimes... He says he doesn't want to be the reason holding me back and I feel like it isn't him. It's partly me and my emotions and just, the uncertainty is killing me. I hate not knowing things and is partially part of the reason why his dad flipped out. I just really want to get out of this sad mojo and I feel like it'll never stop. I want it to though. It doesn't help either when my own family stuff is making me feel worse and that the person I want to turn to isn't physically here. I hope he would be there for me emotionally but it's hard with our schedules. I also feel bad because I want to give him his space and leave him alone but it's hard and then I start moping again. believe we are going to get better as we had talked some things out, I just want to stop this depression phase and i just want to close this distance. Sorry guys for my super long post! Please share your opinions and thoughts, I would like to hear them.

[Chifuyu4]

Mercury is probably in retrograde.
But seriously though, this hard time will pass. It sounds like you are committed to closing the distance, so don't be impatient if it only happens slowly. One thing though - it sounds like he's still living with his parents? While there's nothing wrong with living with your parents and trying to please your parents in your twenties, I feel that by that age you should start to be making some of your own choices and doing what will make you happy, including living on your own, moving to another city, or being with/marrying your girlfriend. I don't think it's selfish of you at all to wish he would just make up his mind. Try to have a nice long talk about everything and your real feelings. It can be hard to make a big descision to be together when you're unsure of the future, but can we really be 100% sure of the future all the time anyway? Good luck love <3

[amorathi]

Hi! I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to my post. Yeah, for some reason sometimes we do talk it doesn't turn out well. But you're right, we're not always sure about the future and so I try to remind him and myself that. And so, he actually recently moved back with his parents because of them wanting to watch over him. But you're right and that's what I feel too, that he should be making his own choices and everything that you said. He believes that he has to do this to make things right... But to me, how is it making things right when it doesn't feel right either? It's frustrating. But I am hoping to talk to him more about it because lately it seems like it's a cycle of him saying he can't when he can.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement! <3 I've seen some of your posts and replies and it's comforting to get some encouraging words from you! <3

[Chifuyu4]

You're so welcome! It sounds like he's a bit hard to communicate with and a bit stubborn, but that doesn't make it impossible. Maybe he has his own plans, but at some point he needs to also consider your plans and feelings. Try to be firm with him that he needs to hear you, and then give him space to think things over. I really hope you can be together soon!

Let me know how it turns out <3

[Lyssa]

Hey guys. Lately, things have been tough for my boyfriend and I. We've been arguing about plans, communication, and possibly closing the distance. It's like we mostly had it figured out, particularly the communication. I've recently lost his ring he gave me, so I know that I've been more insecure and needy lately with my anxiety going up the roof. Since then we've argued a lot just about different things like a trip that we are planning in May, his dad and him putting us in this situation, planning things to do, and the plan of possibly closing the distance sooner. Like planning things to do together aren't being done because he doesn't keep his word. Sometimes, yes, they are out of his control but sometimes they're not... We talked about it though, saying that we need to work on these things that yeah sometimes some plans don't work but he has to at least try to make them work, which he said he's wanting to work on so yay! But... Ugh, the possibility of closing the distance sooner... I want it to happen. So like, he's trying to finish his Associate's but thanks to his parents he won't finish until the summer rather than this semester. We're hoping that he can come back to OK in the fall and he can finish his bachelor's/masters here while I work during my gap year and then go back to school. Live together in an apartment and doing all the things together -- cooking together, hang out with friends, sleeping together, having a pet together, paying bills. Just all of it. That's what we want... That's the dream that I want to make reality. But he wants to leave with his parents relatively okay and no major consequences and prove to them that we can make it work and he can do things on his own... But I honestly don't think his parents', particularly his ignorant dad, will care. They just want him there. Like the other day, he flat out told his mom that he's not happy... And she's like well that's your perspective and later like "well hopefully you'll change"... Like what? Ugh it's frustrating. I understand just leaving his parents isn't easy but... There has to be a point where it's got to stop especially when we are both 21. He's scared of the future which I mean I am too... But I know that I will be a lot less scared as long as he's by my side. He says it'll be hard and there might be bad consequences... but isn't it hard right now? He says he's going to try which is great and is going to consider leaving... I just guess a part of me wishes he said he will. Maybe that's selfish of me.

Regardless, we make sure we resolve most things but...It's a lot and frustrating and it brings me back to crying and moping in my room. I keep thinking about the good memories, the events that led up to this frustrating LDR, and imagining the future. Getting up and doing my schoolwork or whatever is just really hard for me again. I'm even going back to not eating as much... We were doing better and everything.. Like we are still confident in our relationship but i just keep lapsing into crying and missing him. I don't want to quit and give up on this relationship... We both don't. I miss being happy with him. I miss how things were before he was forced to move back home... I have been trying to take this opportunity to reconnect with my friends and I'm ok when going to classes but it's only temporarily. At the end of the day, I'm in my apartment waiting and crying for him. It's just so hard sometimes... He says he doesn't want to be the reason holding me back and I feel like it isn't him. It's partly me and my emotions and just, the uncertainty is killing me. I hate not knowing things and is partially part of the reason why his dad flipped out. I just really want to get out of this sad mojo and I feel like it'll never stop. I want it to though. It doesn't help either when my own family stuff is making me feel worse and that the person I want to turn to isn't physically here. I hope he would be there for me emotionally but it's hard with our schedules. I also feel bad because I want to give him his space and leave him alone but it's hard and then I start moping again. believe we are going to get better as we had talked some things out, I just want to stop this depression phase and i just want to close this distance. Sorry guys for my super long post! Please share your opinions and thoughts, I would like to hear them.

Hi

I don't want to say I completely understand what you're going through because we all have our own stories and problems, but me and my LDR other half are also 21, and there have been some parent issues on his side too. It can be really frustrating when we're at this weird age of 21 where we're adults, but then we're not? I don't know. It's like we're at that age where we want to grab onto that dream, but we're not quite there yet.

You saying that you want a pet, to pay the bills, just to simply co-exist... that's the dream. It really is. I'm in my last semester of college and everyone around me keeps saying, "My dream is to get that job" or "My dream is to get into grad school" and while those things are important and while yes, I would love a great paying job as much as the next person, that's not my dream. My dream is to simply spend every day with the boy that I love. And it's so nice to see that you share the same dream.

I know this sounds cliche, but as hard as it is to wait, the timing will most definitely strengthen your guys' bond unlike anything else. I met my LDR boy on Christmas of '15 and now it's February 2018. The first year we were just trying to figure everything out, but eventually we've learned to just make our situation work for now. It really, really, really, really sucks at night when I want to lay with him, but sometimes we fall asleep together on Skype and that helps a little. It doesn't take the pain away, but it helps. It's a reminder and a confirmation.

For every day that you fight through that pain, you're going to just come out stronger together. Every day of pain WILL turn into power. I can guarantee that. You learn a lot about yourself and your own strengths in these LDR situations. Obviously I don't know you, but it takes a really strong person to do what we do.

I'm also sorry for rambling! Haha

[amorathi]

Hi!

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post! I think it's amazing how you and your SO have made it through this far already! Goals! It does seem like you have a similar situation. You are right, the timing and fighting through the pain will make our relationship stronger and better. It's just scary. But then again, life always it... The parents thing just doesn't help... (That's for another post that I will be ranting about later today...)

Thanks again for all your words of encouragement.