Dancing with other girls

[mistypuppy]

My boyfriend went out last night and danced with 2 other girls. it wasnt a sexual dance or anything and im glad he told me, but it feels disrespectful to me for him to dance with other girls when he is in a relationship. am i overreacting?

[Redheart14]

If it wasn't a sexual type of dancing and he told you about it, I think that's ok. Honesty is a big part of a LDR. So the fact he told you is good.

[paperplane]

My boyfriend went out last night and danced with 2 other girls. it wasnt a sexual dance or anything and im glad he told me, but it feels disrespectful to me for him to dance with other girls when he is in a relationship. am i overreacting?

It’s normal to worry or even feel jealous, but I don’t think it’s disrespectful, especially if he told you. It wouldn’t be fun to just kind of awkwardly stand around if everyone else is dancing. I think if you make a big deal out of it, it wouldn’t stop him, it would just stop him from telling you in future.

I would trust him. In an LDR it’s best to trust until you have a concrete reason not to. If it becomes a regular thing and you start having reason to suspect something more is happening, then bring it up as an issue.

[snow]

I don't know. I don't see my husband doing that when we were LD. Were they friends or strangers? Strangers would bother me, friends I wouldn't care.

[Rezie]

sorry double post, can't edit the previous one.

I'm gonna go against others and say that the fact he told you indicated that he feels weird about it. since in my book dancing (we can debate what is sexual dancing and what isnt) is fine it wouldn't even occur to tell my partner. I only tell the grey area things that make me question if it is ok.

last year I was going to a college reunion and one of the guys in my class offered to stay at his studio apartment. I happily accepted and didn't think anything about it. My best (female) friend got the same offer and her fiance was extremely upset. It didn't even occur to me that sleeping over at an other man's flat would be a problem so I hadn't told my bf. After my friend sent me a message about her compromise about staying over. I asked my partner should if this is something I should inform him. He was mainly confused on why I'm even approaching him about this.
This is not the greatest example, but just an example of different boundaries in relationships.

[Rezie]

now my first message is not even visible. argh.

so.. we all have different boundaries in our relationships. Some are fine with grinding and some wouldn't tolerate any dancing with a member of the opposite sex (including a waltz with grandma). It is up to you to decide your boundaries and have a discussion and agreement. These grey area actions are very personal in a relationship what it appropriate. In my relationship his actions would have been fine (if the intent was to just dance) but in some other relationship that would be as bad as having sex with someone else. so you need to talk and set your own rules.

[paperplane]

Yes this, OP I'm not saying blindly trust him, sorry if that's how it came across...I'm having issues myself that I think I'm projecting into that advice lol...

It's hard to know if it was disrespectful because you guys maybe hadn't drawn a hard line for him to cross, or maybe it was in a different place in your mind than in his. Best thing here is to discuss it with him!

[Emi_tae]

Personally, I would feel the same way you do. I would not appreciate my boyfriend dancing with other girls at all, sexually or not. For me, being in a relationship means strictly being with that one person, no matter the circumstances. That is just what I was raised to believe. I do appreciate him for letting you know. Since you feel disrespected that he did that, you might want to let him know your feelings on the situation and maybe set some "ground rules" (used loosely) for the future. It is good to be honest in a LDR, but it is not good to not be on the same page.

[kittyxuchiha11]

Maybe i'm just understanding the situation wrong here, but you're upset because he danced with his friends while he was out? Now I get where you're coming from with feeling a bit weird about it, but i don't think feeling disrespected is quite how I would feel in this situation. My SO works late shifts at work where she finishes at 1am and she had friends at work who like to go out drinking and invite her. The last few times shes gone out with them she's had a dance with people. When she tells me this I of course feel a bit sad that i couldn't be there and that it wasn't me she was dancing with, but in no way do I think her going out and having fun is a bad thing like it's actually really good for her and i'm glad she had friends she can go out and unwind with.

Maybe it isn't such a big deal for me because girls dance together all the time and it's different for guys (which it totally shouldn't be, people should be allowed to dance with whoever never mind gender) but yeah if my SO came to me to tell me she'd danced with someone else I'd be more happy she feels she can be honest with me than upset at her. That being said, it's obviously upset you so talk to your SO and hopefully talking about it will make you feel better