To go, or not to go?
Hi everyone!
I'm struggling so much figuring out how I feel, and what to do, that I figured I'd ask you all for your ideas; honestly, anything you may think, I would love to hear!
The story is the following: my boyfriend and me have been together for two years. The first year, we did long distance, living in different countries, and only seeing each other during breaks. Back then, I was doing my bachelor's degree, he his master's.
After a year, he graduated, and moved over here. He found a job here, while I'm finishing up my studies, and he lives around the corner from me. It's been absolutely great, and a complete confirmation that indeed, we go well together. It's been a fantastic year.
The past year would also have been my last as a bachelor's student, but due to some other stuff I have to take another semester. I wasn't too eager on this, because most of my friends would be leaving campus, and I'm generally a bit done with the university I am at. SO, I came up with this great idea: why not do my last semester abroad? After all, we'd already done long distance, and we did great, and that was for a year, so we should surely be able to manage one semester.
My boyfriend agreed, and was very supportive, so over the past year I've been getting everything ready to go. Now, my plane is booked: I'm leaving start of September. Except...
I really dread going. I don't know what it is, but the feeling came to me a few weeks ago and hasn't left me. I love travelling, I love adventures, and I know we can manage long distance, but the thought of stepping on a plane and leaving him again is just more than I can handle. Sometimes, I'm this close to calling the whole thing off, but at the same time that feels so stupid. I've tried to talk about it with my boyfriend, of course, but I'm starting to feel this is the one thing we cannot talk about together: he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something that he said made me stay - even though I think that's what he really wants - so he remains supportive, and keeps saying I'll have a great time.
The two thoughts bouncing around in my head are this. On the one hand, there is the thing you always hear, that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and that it would be a shame not to go just because of him: he'll still be here when I get back. On the other hand, I feel there's a whole adventure waiting for me here at home: we're talking about moving in together, getting a cat, all the good things when I get back. And those things make travelling sound so... dull, at best, and agonising at worst.
So, this is my story. It got quite lengthy, and I'm very curious if anyone is going to read it. Felt very nice to write it down, though. My question: what are your thoughts? Is it just a simple case of cold feet, something I need to get through? Or is it more than that? I mean, I know you guys can't really tell, but it will still be nice to hear your input: my brain is currently just numb with trying to figure it all out.
Also, kudos to those who actually took the time to read this! <3
I'm struggling so much figuring out how I feel, and what to do, that I figured I'd ask you all for your ideas; honestly, anything you may think, I would love to hear!
The story is the following: my boyfriend and me have been together for two years. The first year, we did long distance, living in different countries, and only seeing each other during breaks. Back then, I was doing my bachelor's degree, he his master's.
After a year, he graduated, and moved over here. He found a job here, while I'm finishing up my studies, and he lives around the corner from me. It's been absolutely great, and a complete confirmation that indeed, we go well together. It's been a fantastic year.
The past year would also have been my last as a bachelor's student, but due to some other stuff I have to take another semester. I wasn't too eager on this, because most of my friends would be leaving campus, and I'm generally a bit done with the university I am at. SO, I came up with this great idea: why not do my last semester abroad? After all, we'd already done long distance, and we did great, and that was for a year, so we should surely be able to manage one semester.
My boyfriend agreed, and was very supportive, so over the past year I've been getting everything ready to go. Now, my plane is booked: I'm leaving start of September. Except...
I really dread going. I don't know what it is, but the feeling came to me a few weeks ago and hasn't left me. I love travelling, I love adventures, and I know we can manage long distance, but the thought of stepping on a plane and leaving him again is just more than I can handle. Sometimes, I'm this close to calling the whole thing off, but at the same time that feels so stupid. I've tried to talk about it with my boyfriend, of course, but I'm starting to feel this is the one thing we cannot talk about together: he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something that he said made me stay - even though I think that's what he really wants - so he remains supportive, and keeps saying I'll have a great time.
The two thoughts bouncing around in my head are this. On the one hand, there is the thing you always hear, that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and that it would be a shame not to go just because of him: he'll still be here when I get back. On the other hand, I feel there's a whole adventure waiting for me here at home: we're talking about moving in together, getting a cat, all the good things when I get back. And those things make travelling sound so... dull, at best, and agonising at worst.
So, this is my story. It got quite lengthy, and I'm very curious if anyone is going to read it. Felt very nice to write it down, though. My question: what are your thoughts? Is it just a simple case of cold feet, something I need to get through? Or is it more than that? I mean, I know you guys can't really tell, but it will still be nice to hear your input: my brain is currently just numb with trying to figure it all out.
Also, kudos to those who actually took the time to read this! <3
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