worried

[ec123]

Hi, I'm new to this but I want to quickly talk about something.

My boyfriend moved to college about 3 weeks ago and so far it's been an adjustment, but we've actually been doing pretty well with communicating and stuff. But I'm always worrying about him, because he's really not the best at taking care of himself. I don't want to micromanage him or try to baby him or anything, but he's kind of shit at keeping himself alive. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, but he forgets to eat literally every day and he's been surviving off of cereal for the past week. I try to push him to go get actual food so he doesn't starve to death, but I feel like I should let him figure out how to be more independent.

I don't want to be his second mom or anything, so I've really been trying not to worry too much or nag him about any of this. But I also just taught him how to do laundry a couple days ago. And now he's sick, so he's pretty much helpless. I'm really worried about him, even though I know he's probably fine. I just hate seeing him so miserable, but I also didn't want to get too naggy. I was trying to keep my worry to myself, but he saw through that and now he feels bad that he made me worry, even though it's not his fault. It's been a vicious cycle.

So I guess I have two questions: 1) should I back off so he can figure all this out on his own (even though he might just never eat)? and 2) how do I stop worrying so much?

[Littlewhiteflower]

I don't think he "forgets" to eat. He just probably not have any will to cook for himself (I'm not saying he is lazy, just that some men/women are like that. My SO is the same). To be honest with you, my boyfriend used to eat very little or not at all during 1 or 2 days. When he would eat, it was pizza, burgers, 2 minutes noodle, gatorade... well all the stuff that are bad for you.

I learned to back off a bit about his health until he got really sick and ended up at the hospital. Strangely, they diagnosed him with a type 1 diabetes instead of type 2, but in a way, I saw his diagnosis as a wake up call that his body was sending him. His disease is purely due to his DNA (not life style), but I still feel like life was telling him, "hey buddy, wake up before it's too late"..

Now, he takes better care of his health and of what he eats. He is stuck with the disease for life but at least he realised the importance of eating well. All this to say that, even if I would have bombard him with messages like "make sure you eat meat or vegetable", he wouldn't have listened. He needed to realise it himself..

I think it is the same thing in your situation. Your SO needs to realise himself that he needs to take better care of his health habits. One day, his body won't work anymore and he will realise himself that he needs to change.

I think worrying just make your life harder. I've learned to back off a bit and let it be. It's hard but at some point, you need to tell yourself that he is not a kid anymore.