Not sure how to feel about other guys touching my girlfriend

[Caden517]

Sorry in advance for the long read, as well as language.



So me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost a year,and she just recently went off to college across the country. Shes been there almost a month now,and has been partying a ton as well as having guys hit on her/guys try things to her. There are some instances though that hurt specifically and I'm wondering what I should do about them. She went over to a guys dorm room at 10:30 at night about a week into going there,because she wanted him to help unbunk her bunkbeds. When she gets there everything goes fine at first,they study and stuff, and then apparently he ended up taking her phone,grabbed her and kissed her on the neck then pushed her onto the bed and started to feel her up and ended up leaving a big mark on her boob (she swears it's not a hickie) fast forward to this week, one of her guy friends kisses her apparently,she freaks out goes to the restroom and takes a 3 hour shower to play with herself because it "makes her feel like she owns her body" (She swears she wasn't horny from it,she is a very sexual person). The next day she meets some guy,and she invited him back to her room at around 7 (she claims there isn't enough room at the dorms to do anything outside of dorm rooms but it just doesn't really make any sense to me) and I'm not exactly sure what they did,but all I know is he choked her,bite her neck ,grabbed her hips and put his hand under her shirt and bra...and she just let it happen. She says she just gave up and has just been having a really hard time because we have been fighting because of alot of this,and she feels like every guy who she meets wants to mess around with her. She says she feels like a toy or that I think she's a toy or all guys do or something. Anyways apparently she cried the whole time this was happening (I'm not even sure how long it happened for) and he eventually noticed,stopped and then awkwardly left. The next day he came over with a bottle of vodka to apologize and she let him back in her dorm. She says nothing happened she just "pre-gamed" with him,and then she went out to party with her girlfriends,went back with these guys to there dormrooms/apartments,walked home and then messaged me. Anyways, I'm just not sure what to make of all this. She doesn't lie to me atleast that I know of I just don't know what to make of if I should be mad or if I should try and understand her side. She says She s always just wanted me She's never wanted any other guy and that guys just try stuff,and this is the first time she actually just "gave up" because she felt like she didn't matter and was "sad and hurting". Sorry for the long read,thanks in advance this is really starting to hurt

[Littlewhiteflower]

Believe me buddy, a girl is able to push other guys away when she wants to stay faithful. She doesn't like them to do that? Why does she invite them to her dorm? Why does she go out drinking all the time if it ends up like that? To me, her behavior would not be acceptable. I don't know what are your boundaries about cheating but for me, that would be enough.

I don't know why she tells you all those things either. It's like if she wants you to break up with her. She is messing around with other guys. She lets it happen whether she claims she is a toy or not. If she lets it happen, it's because she needs the attention of other guys around her and she likes it.

I would break up with her. She is not being faithful.

[autumn1790]

It would be understandable if it happened once and it was just her naivete, but she learned from it and took more precautions. But to have it happen multiple times with her inviting guys into her room, that can't be unintentional anymore. A lot of college kids are young, hormonal, and don't know what they really want. Not everyone is cut out for an LDR, especially when there's suddenly a cute new Tom, Dick, and Harry the next door over. I think you need to lay down boundaries and hold her to them. Not being alone after 11 pm with another guy in her room is not unreasonable. My dad always said Nothing good ever happens after 11 pm.

[RWhiz]

I'm guessing she's a freshman right? She'll have guys after her like that for awhile if so, also it seems that she's inviting it to an extent. I wouldn't be cool with the behavior you're describing. Moving out on your own into a college situation is a big step and if she is having a lot of attention from guys who will be coming on very strong with the freshman girls.

I think a good talk is in order either in person or by phone, not text. If you two can come to agreement on your boundaries concerning this type of behavior then great, if not then maybe you need to move on.

[Rezie]

If these things are happening against her will then they are sexually assaulting her. She should report them to the school and the police. Also obviously not be in contact with them ever again.
Alternatively she is ok with it and regretting it afterwards. I don't know based on the message.

[waiting]

Just from my experience as a female in situations similar to those, I know how hard it can be to say no when a guy forces himself on you. Cheating is so wrong and shouldn't be excused, but your girlfriend being put in such an uncomfortable situation with a guy she didn't seem to expect to do something like that to her seems different. The fact that she was crying throughout it really says a lot about how she felt about it happening.

I think she might need you to be there for her, she might be feeling very vulnerable right now

[TaraMarie]

I think she's trying to see how much you will allow before calling it quits. That, or she needs some serious therapy. Who takes a 3 hour shower to masterbate?

[Ejoriah]

This thread is from September of last year, doesn't look like OP is still around.

Stuff like needing a long shower and wanting to feel like you own your body feels like the aftermath of assault to me. But I guess there's no point in speculating.

[Chris516]

This thread is from September of last year, doesn't look like OP is still around.

Stuff like needing a long shower and wanting to feel like you own your body feels like the aftermath of assault to me. But I guess there's no point in speculating.

Reading this thread, I was thinking the same thing.