Tipping Point

[devandchikki]

My boyfriend doesn't want us to get too comfortable with each other. I don't have a filter when I talk to my boyfriend and he is a person who likes talking about productive stuff. I have recently started hanging out with this guy and have made a mistake twice while getting drunk with him. I have stopped all communications with that guy and only talk about academic stuff when required. But me and boyfriend's relationship is on a tipping point right now. I am going to meet him in twenty days and as I am excited, I am nervous to meet him. He is upset about what I did, he is upset about me getting too serious about this relationship and he thinks we have gotten too comfortable. I really want to be with him but I feel nothing these days. I do not know what to do.

[Harlequin]

So you got drunk and cheated on him twice? Was this before or after you were "too comfortable" with him?
Also, what does he mean by "too comfortable"? I feel like if you're going to date, you should be comfortable around each other and be able to talk about whatever. Especially if you've been together for nearly three years.
As for the mistakes, what was going on in your relationship that caused it to happen? Like, are you not completely satisfied in it? What was this close distance guy providing you with that your LDR was not?

Cheating is obviously bad, but I don't feel like lecturing.

[Rezie]

I'm gonna ignore the cheating part for now.

He doesn't want to get too comfortable Talk about productive stuff? Upset about getting too serious with your relationship? You have gotten too comfortable?

What does any of this mean? Can you even really cheat in a relationship of the other person doesn't want to be serious or comfortable? You've been together for a long time, is this your first meeting?

Could this be a cultural thing? I hope I'm not offending anyone for saying this but I recently went to university where majority of my fellow students were from India. I noticed this trend that they acted all boyfriendy with cuddling, buying presents, movie nights but made it clear that there was no commitment and they didn't want to be seen with the girl. They hooked up with whoever they wanted but hated if the girl they were seeing was doing the same. Obviously not everyone did this and I don't want to generalise too bad but could this be a factor?

[Lune]

Hello there

Well, to relate to your and the other posts, I think it really can be some factor of culture how your boyfriend acts and sees the world. In India many people are measured by grades, success and money for example to mention just some things so when growing up in such an environment it has some effects on the character development and mindsetting of a person. Also the people are very friendly and interested in other things and people yet that does not mean they are not shy and reserved about their personal life. There are also other things like some like to have fun and go into an arranged marriage later, what is still a big deal in some areas of India as well. Sometimes because the family wants it, sometimes because the young people chose to by themselves out of various reasons. And if he had to face that or the wish of it by whoever in some kind, is a shy person, has never been in a relationship before it could explain too why he is worried about it getting too serious.

What would help to understand the whole situation would be, if you ever talked about how committed you are to each other, what you are for each other and how your future plans look like. Conversations can be "productive" in that manner as well and depending on how serious you plan and include each other in your future life it can show a direction and helps to define your relation more.
A bit contradictory though is that on one side you are taking it too serious and on the other not enough to not make mistakes while being drunk even twice. Probably you should think about what he is for you as well. And interesting in connection to your mistakes it would be if he said the "too comfortable" thing before or after you had something with this other guy. And how are your conversations normally going? Did you ever tell him your point of view and wishes?