Feeling down over long distance. Can anyone give advice?

[LucyWestenra]

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, and have been long distance for 5 of those due to college and work etc, and still have another 3 years until we can move in together. We have such an amazing relationship, especially when we're together. We're best friends and both supportive and so proud of each other for everything that we've achieved. He's the live of my life and the man I want to marry and have children with. I'm continuing with my degree (3 years left), while my other half has just accepted a PhD position. I am so extremely happy for him and so proud. But I can't help but feel upset, I can't be there to celebrate with him which is breaking my heart. I just want to hug him and tell him in person (not over the phone) how proud I am of him and how amazing he is! It's killing me that I'm missing out on big milestones in his life and he's missing out on milestones in mine. We're both progressing in our separate lives, but I feel like our relationship hasn't been moving forward and can't move forward anymore until we close the gap for good. My other half is so incredibly intelligent and absolutely loves learning, which is one of my favourite things about him, his thirst for knowledge is so inspiring and his passion for learning means he can make everything sound interesting and makes me excited about learning too. But this is also making me worried because I know he'll have barely any time for me. I'm being so selfish, but I've only been back in education for a year now, and I'm really struggling to stay motivated and enjoy my studying, and he's the one that is keeping me going and I'm so afraid that because he won't have time for me, I'll find it hard to complete my studies and I'll get annoyed at him for not being there for me and helping me. This is so long winded, but I just feel awful for being so selfish and I hate not being there for him for his big moments. How do you cope with missing moments? Do you have any advice for us?

[Littlewhiteflower]

I understand how you feel a bit. I'm graduating in may and my fiancé won't be there. We are getting married in september and he won't be there to buy the rings, etc. He misses a lot of things. Like i could not be there when he got promoted or when he got sick and spent a week almost dying at the hospital.

I think at some point we just need to accept. It's like when someone die. We need to live with the absence. Well, we need to accept that we are living two lifes apart, missing important moments, growing up a bit apart.

I think you are not allowed to give up your study though ! Prove him you can do it too. Set your own goals. Try to make him proud of you. It will motivate you. I'm starting my graduate studies in september and have no motivation but i try to do it for him and for our future. Don't give up. You are almost at the end of the school chapter.

[Miramaid]

Are you in the same country? Is there any way you can consider contributing your studies at his college or at a college in his town? You two could then study together and live together until you graduate and he graduates.
I have a PhD and if this will be of any reassurance to you: he will be VERY busy which means not only less time for you (possibly) but a lot less time to feel lonely or God forbid have any thoughts to look at anyone else (things happen). PhD us usually very intense and leaves no time for fooling around. There are some talents who can always find trouble, of course, but normally there wouldn't be much time for it

[Miramaid]

And to give you a different story: I am in LDR with my husband and will be for another 1.5-2 years. We have a child together. A toddler. And I am expecting #2. My husband is in another country. We have 10 hours time difference. He got a new job after I left. We missed Valentines and our anniversary and will miss each other's birthdays, he will miss our toddler's birthday and the birth of our second child. He us missing every progress our toddler makes every single day (and toddlers change by the day). It sucks. So much. I try to think about how when it is all over we will be together forever (might even get sick of each other haha), we will buy a house together, I will also finally work on building my career (he has a great career while I dont), and it will be so much better having him in our kids' lives finally and do stuff as a family.

[dan0314]

Hi Lucy,


This is the point of your situation right now: you are struggling for the relationship you had right now due to the distance. Sometimes, you feel lack of expressing your love in the absence of his presence, I mean expressing love personally is the sweetest and best for us, right? However, due to your distance- Long distance is not easy, I will advise you to keep on praying and let God touch him and empowered him all his way and your both relationship. It is God who controlled all. In addition, keep on your faith and trust to your partner. Enhance your communication, keep in touch with him in a way of sweet words. I know he understand you because the things you did is for your future. God bless you both you Lucy my friend. Best regards, will keep you in my prayer. God bless!

[sadandconfused]

I don’t think I can give any advice because I’m still really new to long distance but I just wanted to comment that our situations are very similar.
We’ve only been together 4 years but we are incredibly committed to each other and have lots of plans long term. I also have 3 years of school left to complete my partner just left for a PhD program. I’ve been feeling so unmotivated with school this semester because of the move and feel like my partner inspired the best in me in terms of academics. I don’t think you are being selfish at all, a big part of what makes relationships work is relying on each other and it sucks that he can’t be there for you the way you want.
Anyway I hope if anything this tells you that you aren’t alone, I hope things work out for you it sounds like you are both so in love and committed to each other despite all the difficulties.

[Jessica]

It`s hard to give advise here, just be patient!