Deep feelings about long term LDR challenges

[longdistancegirl]

Hello all!

This is honestly a really sad post but I felt the need to be vulnerable and honest, and share with others because I wonder if i am alone in these feelings. A little background, I have been in a LDR for 3 years now, with only one more to go. To sum it up, I love him till death and am confident that we are going to spend our futures together. But here is some insight into my struggles.

I am living for something that I cannot presently live for because we are not together. I am living for a future and not for the now. I am living for what I want to come and not for what I am waking up to.

How do we live in the moment when our heart is in another place? I hear his voice on the phone and feel part of my heart or soul leaving to go be with him. I feel SAD often because I cannot have my best friend with me for these moments and memories. Am I wrong for these feelings?

I feel sad as if he is dead. I feel loss while we are away. We text everyday and call at least once a week but the end of this sadness feels so far away.

Can anyone else relate to this? How do you all cope?

[Chifuyu4]

Hey there,

I don't have any good advice, but just want to let you know I feel the same way. My SO and I are also super far apart (Japan and Canada) so can only call once or twice a week, though we try to text every day. I'm in the first week on my own after being five months in the same city together and one of those months living together. Right now I just feel so lost like I have nothing to live for; I know in the future we'll be together but I want to be together right now.

The thing I try the hardest to remember is that the one good thing about ldr is it helps you remember and develop who you are, alone, as your own person. It's so hard when you can't be with the person you love, but the only way to get through is to develop and focus on your own interests and hobbies. I feel like that sounds corny but it's true. By making short-term goals you can accomplish quickly, you'll feel more like you're living for the present or near-future and less for a distant future. When I can't be with my SO, which is like all the time except a week or two every year or so, I just throw myself into researching stuff or working out or hanging out with my close friends. I try to enjoy my alone time after work instead of thinking about how lonely I am. Even though it's said your partner is your "other half," it's important to be your own, whole person too. And pretty soon you'll be together again and it will be like you were never apart Idk if this will really help, but I just related to everything you said a lot and wanted to say you're not alone in how you are feeling! I hope you find ways to feel happy even if you can't be together right now. Hope you have a lovely evening! <3

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I would say it is perfectly normal. I relate to how you feel too. We are still quite early on in our journey, but I get depressed thinking of how far we still have to go. We are looking at at least another 3 years yet.

I just want the silly things like going to the shops, watching tv together, driving around. The types of things other people take for granted, but I treasure them like valuable jewels.

If I could do anything, I would marry him tomorrow and bring him to live with me now. Just that the government gets in the way, and I won't risk our future because of it.

It doesn't help living alone and having no real life friends where I am. I have people I know from groups, but the nature of the groups makes casual meet ups awkward.

[Junglebook]

I don’t have any advice but I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this.
As the others already replied to you, I think many of us go through periods like this.
I miss my SO like crazy although we aren’t in this adventure that long yet.
I am struggling with the fact that I am still studying but I can also study where he lives.
That makes it so hard for me to focus on living in the moment.
I agree with Chifuyu4; try to do nice things, hangout with friends, have a drink or what so ever makes you happy.
Time passes quicker then, in my opinion.
You seemed to manage it for so long, so hang in there! You can do it
For me it also helps to make plans for the (near) future.
It reassures me that we both want to be together and although it’s hard there will be a moment that we don’t have to say goodbye anymore!

[Shelli Lopez]

Hey...My story and your story is same dear. Sometimes we have to move on and grab new things and memories. Ya I know it is difficult when you hear his voice after one week or in a week. When I have this situation I usually spend my time watching motivation, fantasy movies. If you need any love expert advice then must search Healthy You Healthy Love - Nadine Piat

Good Luck!

[lizzybear33]

I feel the same and mine is only a few months but it's so intense. Today is hard for some reason the loneliness is super tough. I wish I was reading a solution on here. The suggestion about working on ourselves is a good one and setting small goals. I just wonder if we could meet someone closer if it would be easier on our hearts. I dont want to be sad anytime missing the person I feel I love. I hope all of you have a good day today and try to focus on the positives. Maybe the love is stronger because it's far apart. 😊