Any advice please: Beginning to lose hope, 5 year LDR

[avocado]

I'm just going to get right to it.

I started my LDR at the young age of 16. My bf and I grew up in the same City in California and around our Sophomore year of high school we began dating. Fast forward 9 months together, he tells me he's moving away to Florida for family reasons. Since then, we've maintained a pretty stable and happy LDR, especially for being so young. We would see each other around 2-3 times a year, alternating our turns. Despite the few jealousies, miscommunications, etc. we've been very happy and loving together!

Now, 5 years later we were faced with an opportunity to end the distance once and for all. I was in the middle of transferring schools and I had gotten accepted to a school in Florida, near him, and a school in San Francisco, further from him. After months of going back and forth with my choice, I decided I needed to stay on MY path and go to the school I felt I would succeed in; San Francisco. We tried to be optimistic and believed this would be something new for us both. However, this is where I feel my downhill starts.

For the first time in our relationship, I started to feel a detachment from him. I'm busier with school and new responsibilities from living on my own, i'm balancing work while trying to make friends, and overall i'm just maturing and growing as an individual. Our facetime calls started to feel less exciting and bland because he's still living his usual, stagnant life (nothing wrong with that), and sometimes I feel like he doesn't enjoy hearing about my days because he gets jealous? or FOMO? The "spark" in our calls have died down and our calls just feel like normal conversations, not like before. In other words, I'm starting to want MORE from the relationship; I'm in a 5 year relationship but yet I feel single and alone.

I've talked to him about it and I know he fears an end, especially because there is no realistic plan to end the distance soon. This is all so difficult for me because I don't know how to handle or read my mixed feelings. I love him dearly but I feel like i'm starting to outgrow this relationship; we're so young. I know only I can decide what's best but I'm reaching out to a community that shares the same love in hopes of feeling reassured or maybe even be offered some advice.

- New Member, Avocado girl

[Redheart14]

Hi and welcome.
My husband and I were 4.5 years long distance and I can relate to you saying the conversations felt routine so to speak. I tried to organise visits as often as either of us could. Do you still feel like you are out growing him when you are in person?
Have you tried things like watching a movie together or eating dinner over FaceTime?
Sometimes people go off in different directions, it’s natural and part of life. It’s good to have a life and friends outside of your partner. Does he have friends and things to do to keep his fomo at bay?

[avocado]

Hello, thank you for your response!
We have tried things such as dinner and/or movies over facetime! We've even sent care packages, written letters, and other things to keep things fresh. Luckily, he does have friends and he goes to school while working as well. When we're together, we enjoy each others company but I noticed from my part, I started to feel less attraction (our last visit was in July).
I would say I'm definitely outgrowing him in person as well, and we're going in very different paths. I'm just finding it harder to maintain hope when there is no plausible and clear end to the distance.

[Redheart14]

Yes, and end to this distance definitely helps to solidify things. I guess you will have to ask yourself if you can continue to go on like this.

[TaraMarie]

People change as they get older and experience different things. My marriage of nearly 30 years ended because we had nothing in common. I wanted to live life and he wanted to sit around the house and watch TV. It's not a bad thing. It just happens. Maybe it's a good thing you didn't decide to go to Florida for school. That alone tells me you were cognizant of a change in your feelings a while ago. Don't hang onto the relationship out of guilt. If you aren't feeling it anymore, then make a clean break. Long distance is hard. My current husband and I did it for 6 years. There were times I felt like that too...but for me it was the distance. When we were together all the "old feelings" came back. If you don't have those feelings when you are together, then you know what you need to do.