New to LDR

[leila]

Ok so I started seeing my partner a couple of months ago. I have known from the beginning that we would only be in the same city for a short time, and accepted it. I suppose at the time, I felt we had enough time to really get to know each other and solidify our bond. But unfortunately, COVID intervened along with my countries second lockdown. So essentially we are not going to have seen each other for a period of about 7 weeks by the time we meet again (and this already in the same city) and then in Jan/Feb he will move. I've never done a long distance relationship before and to be honest, this 7 weeks apart has been like a huge reality to check as to what I'm letting myself in for. And its taken some adjusting as it is. I've been really sad already. Which i know isn't a good start. And this has been made worst by the fact I asked him about a weekend break once we could see each other again and he said he had no time because of study and exams he's preparing for.

I am studying too. But I am an undergrad (all be it a mature student) and he is on a phd which takes up huge chunks of his time (compared to mine) and will affect how often we see each other when he's away. On the plus side he has done LDR before (albeit it failed) and he's not worried about it. He's also really supportive of my personal endeavours. But as I, I am finding it hard to adjust already. But I don't want to be defeated. Hence coming here for advice and support. I wanna give me and him the best shot at things.

At the moment our primary method of communication is texting. He texts me lengthily texts throughout the day. Which to be honest, are nice but do nothing for me. I prefer phone calls and video calls. So I am curious on hearing from others about the best ways to communicate for a LDR and other people's thoughts.

I would also be really eager to hear any stories from people who struggled in the beginning but got over it. And how they did that.

[MsGrim]

Hello and welcome!

So I personally think LDRs are actually harder in the beginning. You want to see them all the time, spend as much time with them as possible, and you haven't fell into a routine yet. The older my relationship gets the easier it is to cope with the distance... Aside from the occasional day or 2 where it just weighs heavily on my heart.

My SO is currently prepping for 2 major exams so he can begin his residency next year. He is CONSTANTLY studying right now and it is drastically cutting into my time with him. The only thing I can do at this point is just remain supportive of him and cheer him on from a distance. Keep in mind that the exams WILL be over eventually and he can give you a little more time.

Find yourself a new hobby or start a new project, I started a 1000 piece puzzle so it really occupies my free time when I can't spend time with him. You should tell him what you expect when it comes to communication. Let him know that you prefer call and video rather than texting. You both need to find a common ground so you are both getting what you need out of the relationship. He may not be able to call and video as much as you like, but you can create a schedule of when to talk and for how long- text for the rest of the time.

Best of luck to you!!

[romanmalon]

My wife and I are helped by phone caresses to each other, if it didn't sound like that)

[JonWhite]

My SO is 3,500 miles away and we've never met. I would love to be able to talk to her on the phone but so far she hasn't given me her number (although, oddly I do have her address). We did speak briefly via Instagram but it's not the best medium. I'd love to video call her because that would give us the opportunity to be intimate but she says she's too shy. She's been in California for the last 5 weeks because her grandmother has had a stroke. I'm hoping that when she goes back home to Connecticut, our relationship will move up several gears.