Torn between two homes

[lucybelle]

I guess this could be for any LD couple, but have any of you spent an extended amount of time in your SO's country? I studied abroad here in CR for 10 months, and now have been living here for about 10 months. I miss my home country a lot, but the truth is I know when we move back to the USA I'm going to miss CR too. I guess now I have two homes, but it feels more like I have no homes. That sound disgustingly depressing, but I guess what I mean is I'll always miss something about the other place. There's so many things I love about each place, and there's so many things I wish were different. I remember flying into San Jose for the first time after I left, and seeing all the green mountains and cows and shacks... for some crazy reason made me feel like I was coming home. I get the same feeling when flying into my dinky hometown, smelling the curing tobacco, seeing the ball park, the paved roads...

Does anyone else feel this way? Torn between two homes?

[Zephii]

I do.

You'd never guess it though, with my dislike for Canada. Haha. There are some things I miss - and people. A big part of "Home" for me is the people. I'm looking forward to our next trip to Canada, but that may also be because I know it'll be a visit not a move.
There are pros and cons to both places, I think that's why I'll never push Obi to settle here, even though deep down I know I could.

[mllebamako]

I don't have time for a long response right now because I gotta get ready for work. But YES, I agree 100%. I love so many things about Mali and Malians and I know I will miss it incredibly when I'm not here.

Here is something I read the other week that really resonated with me on this subject. Excerpt: "When you live abroad, you realize that, no matter where you are, you will always be an ex-pat. There will always be a part of you that is far away from its home and is lying dormant until it can breathe and live in full color back in the country where it belongs."

[kteire]

I lived in Ireland before I met my SO, and once I left, I left a big part of me there! I guess one thing with being a traveler is that you'll always miss someone, and somewhere. I loved that he was still living there, because when I moved to the UK and got homesick, I'd go visit him in Dublin and feel like I was home again! I'm a tiny bit sad that we've closed the distance in the UK, because now I won't be over in Ireland once or twice a month... only for holidays!

[Reglisse]

I haven't lived in my SO's country yet, I only went there on vacation once this summer, but I've lived in two other foreign countries for an extended period of time. One year in the US and 4 years in France..

So yeah, I know what you mean. There are things(and people) I love, miss and dislike in all the countries i lived in, so no matter what I can never have it all in one place... but that's ok, I think it's a great feeling knowing that you have several places in the world were you feel at home!

[lyonsgirl]

We're not international... but I definitely feel this way. It's a mix of me moving & my man being in another state and my family moving, though. Because I have been moving so often, I don't feel like I really "belong" where I currently live. My dad is currently living in Canada for work, and my mom said, "I'm tired of snow. I'm moving home." and moved back to California. So, my parents are LD-international, my sister is in Colorado (for the time being) and my man is in Indiana. And I'm moving to Virginia soon. It may be where mom is, but I have never lived there, so that's not home. Canada? I've visited there once. Definitely not home. Colorado? Visited a few times, but still not home. Indiana? Most likely home, but I have no place to stay when I'm there, since his parents' house is full (all the kids are home again). So, that can't be home either.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like they don't really "belong" anywhere...

[Lilly9886]

I definitely know that feeling! I get this a lot.... Right now, I'm in México with my bf and his family, and I love it... I just don't want to leave.. Even though we are leaving together and will be living in my country for 2 years together.. but still, I will miss México a lot... His family, friends, our dog.... his house, the shopping, the food, the cinema..... ^^ There are things that are different here that I wish we had in my country too... but that is also the other way around.. I wish some things were the same here as they are in my country....

Before I lived here in México with my bf for 2 semesters (July 2010 - July 2011) I couldn't imagine myself living in any other than my home country... Now.. I'm not so sure anymore.. I mean, we decided together that it would be better to live in my country (for several reasons) but when I think about it, it doesn't feel right.. the idea of spending some years here is more and more what I want to do.. So I have no idea where live will bring us... What we know is, that for the next 2-3 years we'll be living in my home country together.. which is amazing and I'm really looking forward to!!! But I also want to come back here as soon as possible!!

[enemey96]

I get this too. I'm living here with my mum, my sisters and various step-family members, and I have my own room here and most of my stuff so it feels like home. But I also feel at home when I'm in England staying with my SO, as even though I'm not with my mum and sisters, I am with my SO and his family and all of my extended family live near to my SO, so I see them I'm over. What's even better is that my SO's family feels just like mine I like having two homes, just not the fact that I often feel so torn between them!

[Dziubka]

I think I wouldn't call Poland my home per se, but I know what it feels like.
I had lived there for a year before I met my boyfriend (+ the four months when I met him + three one-months visits since then) and... I like the country in all its weirdness. There are so many things I miss about Poland.
As cliche and stereotype as it sounds: Everything in Germany is so perfect, so professional and efficient. Poland's coming around more and more now, but there are still so many things that are makeshift and it's obvious someone had to come up with a creative solution because they didn't have the means to go on about it professionally. A lot of the time it ends in a lovely chaos. As much as I appreciate clean convenience, I miss the funny makeshift Poland sometimes. Things like putting up two benches outside of your corner shop with a sign saying beer garden, because it's illegal to drink outside of shops, whereas beer gardens are perfectky legal. Or the phone bill coming with a small metal plate attached to the envelope because only letters above a certain weight can be handled by private companies...
I also miss bread rolls stuffed with cabbage or mushrooms and sorrel in Germany and canned cherries (for some reason PL has only frozen ones) or good cheese in Poland. And probably a million more things.
I also have a major love/hate relationship with being a foreigner. There are not a lot of western (and few other) foreigners in Poland, so as a foreigner you're the center of attraction a lot of the time, which can be handy some times and annoying at others.