Do I really love him?
Ok, so this is my problem:I'm a very anxious person and I've been thinking way too much lately. I'm constantly asking myself if I really love my boyfriend. I wouldn't question that when we were together, but when I don't see him or when we have a fight, I start thinking about those things. I'm scared of getting hurt or hurting him. I know distance makes things much harder, specially for people like me. I just don't know what to do. Has any of you been through a similar situation? Any advice?
-
-
I think the distance can wreak havoc on your mind. I know sometimes I question things, especially now that we've been together in person and had to seperate again. After awhile the memories fade a little and you (at least I) think maybe I'm over romanticizing it. But those thoughts are fleeting and I know once I'm back in his arms it will be like I never left.
I guess a lot of it I just chalk up to him being 8,000 miles away. Everything is different compared to a close distance relationship and the doubts and worry are normal.
Met online: 1/30/11
Met in person: 5/30/12
Second visit: 9/12/12
Closed the distance: 1/26/13!!! -
I used to get this occasionally, even CD.
Love, like all emotions, is fluid. Sometimes the cup overfloweth, and sometimes... well it's a bit dry in there. Haha. I love him more some days than others, and I think that's pretty normal.
But, can you imagine your future without him in it? Do you look forward to being with him? Does he make you happy? Do you have fun together? Is he the first person you turn to? Does the thought of never seeing him again make you want to (or actually) cry? <- This was how I knew.Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person
Comment
-
I have A LOT of anxiety (diagnosed and things like that), so I know exactly what you're feeling. I have lots of moments of doubt and really dark spells where I wonder if I actually love him/if it's actually worth it, especially when I don't talk to him for a few days at a time. Like what the others above me said, I would just blame it a little on distance and try to sit down, calm yourself (myself, too?? haha) and try to picture all the good times.
What I've noticed, though, is that memory of the good times tend to fade over time, while a lot of painful memories tend to stay as strong as ever, or get even stronger as time and fuzzy memories tend to exaggerate things. It's just one of the many follies of the human mind.
Try looking at a few photos of him, or of you two together; go over some sappy conversation histories you guys have; look at some souvenirs you guys have together. That stuff kind of helps me. There's really not much you can do about distance or frequency of chatting sometimes, but little souvenirs/photos/etc are things that are constant and can help remind you of the good times you guys have!"If you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart"Comment
-
I agree with Zephii, her points are very valid and to the point. I've always had CD relationships and though I see my then bf all the time, I still question myself if I really love him. As Zephii had mentioned, ask yourself questions about your relationship with your SO. I think one of the most important questions is, do you see yourself having a future with him? I know some people will say it's too soon to know, but if you don't see yourself being with him, say 12 months from now, then you sort of have your answer there..Originally posted by Zephii View Post
Comment
-
yes the distance can make you go crazy in the head!!!
makes me crazy in the head, but I know he won't ever do anything like that because I can tell he's faithful to our relationship. Follow your heart, if it only goes bonkers when he's away, its cause you're missing him and that good because distance makes the heart grow fonder or the quote I go by everyday: distance does to love what wind does to fire, extinguishes the weak and strengthens the strong, You just need to occupy your extra time so you don't go crazy and before you know it, he'll be home soon 
Comment
-
imo i think it is pretty normal to think that way from time to time. I mean ofc u have to be honest to yourself. Long distance is hard and there are many obstacles that you will have to overcome to make this work. When i have doubts i usually think of the things i like about him the most. The things he do that makes me happy. And since you two started CD it might be good to think about when you will see him again because you know what it is like to be with him. Try to keep yourself busy. When i have to much time to think about things i will also get the most crazy thoughts and doubts.Originally posted by tamy1987 View Post
I hope it helps xx.Comment
-
So... people are probably going to think I'm nuts when I say this. Love, the kind of love that determines if a couple will stay together or not, is not a feeling. It's a decision. Now, don't get me wrong. You can have (and we all do) that "in love" feeling. The butterflies-in-the-stomach, clammy hands, can't-wait-to-see-him/her feeling. But we all make the decision to love our partners, every day. This concept has helped me tremendously in the LD part (since my SO & I started CD). He & I choose to love each other every day. He & I have made the decision to love each other every day for the rest of our lives. No, it won't always be easy. There may be times when you don't really like each other, but you don't split up because you have made the choice to work through it. You stay together-even though it's hard-because you know that in the end, it's worth it. I can't tell you if it's worth it or not. You can only tell you if it's worth it.
2016 Goal: Buy a house.
Progress: Complete!
2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
Progress: Working on it.Comment
-
Thank you girls! all your answers have been very helpful. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has gone through this
Comment
-
-
The distance I think makes it harder for us to believe things sometimes just because our SO is so far away. When you have a CD relationship you know you can see them tomorrow or the day after to just work things out. with a LD relationship you have the whole distance and time zone issues. The doubt is always there and over thinking really does a number to you. But there are times when you know it was all worth it because when you see each other everything just falls into place. You don't have to talk to know what's right. Everything in your body, every fiber of your being just relaxes and you can't help but smile. The time just seems to fly when you're together. Deep down you know that it was just meant to be...
It's hard, but you'll know when it hits you because there's just no way around it!Comment
Comment