Has this ever happened to you?

[tamy1987]

Ok, so this is what happened.
Yesterday morning I was talking to my bf on skype and I got upset because I was tired and my bf was doing other things on the computer and wasn't really into our conversation. So I just said 'ok, bye' and closed the conversation. He didn't like that at all. I also sent him some messages telling him that it really bothers me when he acts like that.

I tried to get to talk to him during the afternoon but he was busy and wouldn't talk. When we finally talked, he said he was very upset and didn't feel like talking to me until the following day. I'm the kind of person who can't be upset with someone for more than 5 minutes, so knowing that he didn't feel like talking to me at all, was awful.

This morning he got online and I talked to him. And he said he still doesn't feel like talking to me. I'm so worried that he might be like this for days and finally tell me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I told him that and he said that I worry too much, but I just can't help thinking that and feeling guilty for all the things I did to him yesteday.

So... has something like this ever happened to you? Any advice?

[snow_girl]

Perhaps next time don't just say 'okay bye' and hang up. I would be annoyed if someone did that to me. Rather say to him if you are going to talk then you would like his full attention. I don't see what the huge issue he has though, give him a little space to get over it and he'll come around soon.

[Zephii]

If I said that in the whole time Obi and I talked online, that one of us never paid more attention to something we were doing than each other, some bastard would rightly call me a lair! However, You - neither of you - need to be immature dealing with it. If Obi was not really giving me his attention I would say "Are you busy? am I bothering you? Should I come back later?" Usually he'd realise he'd been ignoring me and stop, or he'd tell me what he was doing and how long it would take so I could fill my time. "I am really tired and have to go to bed soon, do you mind if I steal your undivided attention for half an hour?" is also appropriate.

I know we're never ourselves when we're tired. And I can understand why you'd just say bye and hang up, but as you can see, that just causes something small to turn into something much bigger.

I doubt he'll dump you over this. If he's silly enough to do that, you prolly wouldn't have made it anyway. Just let it lie, give it a bit of time, don't keep bringing it up or apologizing. Likely it'll go away on it's own.

[MissVampyxo]

Mmm nothing like that has really happened. Though I think you should just honestly tell him how you were feeling and how much it bothered you and how you feel...how you're sorry and you just don't like when he doesn't pay much attention to you.

[Brieasaurus]

I've felt like how you felt sometimes. Where I'll be trying to talk about something important and he's clearly distracted, so I get super frustrated and just want to hang up on him. What helps (for future reference) is just saying "how about in 5 minutes when you're done with whatever you're doing, you take a break and give me all your attention". You have to have some patience. Think of all the times you two have talked and you were busy doing something else, how would you have felt if he got frustrated and without saying anything besides "bye", hung up on you? It'd be pretty hurtful.

Just tell him that you're sorry that you got so frustrated and that you'll try to communicate how you feel better next time. Then drop it and go on with your relationship. It's honestly not a huge deal, promise.

[pink elephant]

What everyone else has said is pretty much spot on - all of this will eventually pass.

But yeah, it's better to communicate your feelings.. because you can't see each other fully, it's even harder to tell how the other person is feeling or what they're even doing. Unfortunately, most of the time all you can base your feelings on are what has been said between you.

Whenever I talk to my husband on Skype (we've been doing this for six years now and we can tell how we're feeling just by hearing a sentence) we've made it a rule to tell each other if we can't talk at first because we're working on something but prefer the other to be there, or if we're tired and probably won't be as responsive or slow to speak, or if we do get distracted, to let the other know for sure so one of us can take a break for a snack, surf, or do something else for awhile. But if you want your partner's attention, you can also offer the other a compromise, or be polite to point out what seems wrong -- "You seem distracted, is everything ok?" "Are you up to anything I can help with?" "You seem kind of busy, would you like to talk later?"

But it's okay to be direct, too. "You know, I'm really kind of tired, and I really need you right now.. can we just talk for a bit?" "I know you must be busy, but I'd really like some of your time right now. Do you have time to finish ~ later?" I've said these to him just as many times as he has to me. We're both hunky dory with it.

Just practice being a bit more clear in expressing your feelings toward your partner and you'll both find you can get more out of that.

Good luck!

[rebelcadet]

I agree...never end on an angry note like married couples tell you never go to bed angry. It just carries over to the next time especially when you have issues communicating.

I have had that several times and it builds up until it bursts...don't end on a negative note and don't apologize so much. Give him a little space and let him calm down. It really helps when you have a level head to think things over. Being calm is a virtue we all miss at times, but the miracles you can do with a sound mind is amazing. Just take a deep breathe. Small stuff like this builds up...so just don't let it build up over time. Communicate your feelings but on a positive note. Negativity is bad over distance and sarcasm does not carry well at all! Just let him know some things that bother you. Don't nag but just gently prod him a little.

If he seems busy then just give him space, take a deep breathe let him know what's bothering you and say "I'll talk to you later then" with a smile. This will give you time to calm down and him to finish up what he's doing. Guys are one tracked and not so good at multi-tasking like us girls.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I've had moments where I've become wound up and have told my SO that I've needed some time out in order to reflect and calm down. Sometimes it isn't anything that my SO does, I'm just agitated by certain stressors (the joys of Bipolar Disorder). I've never just gone 'bye' and hung up.

[Malaga]

Guys tend to forget these things pretty soon, quarrels and misunderstandings - if you let them. So just say you're sorry for reacting so harshly and that you know you were wrong to do so, and move on. He told you you worry too much and that is true. The important thing is that you understand your reaction wasn't fair or effective, and you should handle it better next time it happens.

And it is going to happen from time to time, even in the best relationship. Maybe he was tired or preoccupied or worried with something. It's not always easy to put your feelings to words and share how you feel. People aren't even aware how they come across of. If you feel he's being distracted while you're trying to talk to him, give him the benefit of doubt, he's not doing it on purpose. Try to show him some understanding. The examples above are good, "are you busy/tired? We can talk later if you want." Hanging up is the worst reaction. It's very irritating and I would be ticked off as well.

Anyway, apologise if you haven't already and just move on, he will put it behind if you do the same.

[Alemap]

You basically did the chat equivalent of "hanging up on him". That's extremely rude, regardless of one's emotional state at the time, and I'm not surprised he's upset.
Obviously, his reaction isn't at all helping your state of mind, though - you did it in the first place because you were feeling insecure and twisted up and unhappy, and now a direct result of those actions is only to provide more stimulus for those feelings. If he is worth keeping, I very much doubt he would break up with you over this, but I do believe you need to take a deep breath in future situations when you're feeling similar, step back, and keep control long enough to tell him, "I'm upset, and I know my feelings aren't totally rational. I'm going to step away for a while, so I can calm down." before you end a conversation.
You need to cool your jets and give him his space; if he picks up on your neediness and anxiety, it's liable to just worsen the situation.

P.

[mcnab]

Yeah what you did was kind of immature, but i'm pretty sure your SO won't break up with you over it.

Sometimes people have other things to do, my SO and I reguarly do other things on Skype, but we have the small window open so we can still see and talk to each other, and it's nice to know they are there and be able to see that person.

We have also said that neither on us will just hang up like you did, and we will always talk about something thats bothering us

[Caitlin2009]

next time dont do that, its hard not to wanna hang up when your in an argument with your SO but the key is not to, because that will make it worse and like someone said its rude. next time he does that just tell him that your upset that he's paying attention to other things besides you and talk it over, usually if me or Denise's attention are gonna be else where then we usually say "give me a minute honey, looking at something here"

[Nurse]

Everyone who has been in an LDR will come across these kinds of issues.
Hanging up on him may not have been the best course of action - if you see it as a mistake, accept it but stop
beating yourself over it. HE got upset, is still upset and you feel guilty.
This changes the dynamics of your relationship.
If he is the type to linger over slights - just hang in there and do your best
to keep things positive. It is will be only a matter of time before he gets back in the groove.

Has this ever happened to me? Of course. Many times.
My SO and I have become experts at it. At first it was always such an issue for me
(like when he would talk to his cousin for an hour on the phone and I can overhear him on Skype)
or he would be gaming and I would still just hear the clicks and keyboard mashing.
I've come to accept these things as just a part of - well-I-can't-monopolize-his-time-even-if-I-wanted-to.
I've learned to deal with it. Sleep or do things as well. LOL
He is rewarded by my stellar snores.

[Romeo s Juliet]

i agree with the above posters. I can understand that when you want to talk to him so bad, and he is just doing something else it really pisses u off. but remember that he cant see you face to face and understand how serious you are about what you are talking. it is not like a face to face conversation, where you are so tired and he can hold you while you talk. it isnt as easy as that. you need to be a bit patient. hwever i think he should not take it to the length of not wanting t be with yu anymore just because you hung up on him. yes it definitely hurt, but he should have been a little more empthatic abut it. next time make sure you tell him outright what you want, like i want yuor attention now. rather than hanging up on him.
good luck

[Maica]

First of all, men hates it when you do that. I know for sure because I used to do something like that and it always resulted to a fight/quarrel, whatever. Maybe next time, if he's being like that again, you can try to be sweet and tell him that you're really tired but you want to talk to him for a bit before you go to bed or rest or whatever. We ladies always tend to throw a tantrum whenever we don't get what we want instead of saying what we really feel at that specific moment and making things clear for our partner to understand. Men hates paranoid girls too. The love confident women. So if he's still acting weird and all that, instead of telling him that you're worried he might be like that for weeks... Just tell him that you are sorry for what you did and you'll try your best not to do things like that anymore and at the same time tell him what you didn't like that resulted to your action. If he's still being annoyed or whatever, then just tell him that you should talk when he's not annoyed anymore but assure him as well that you're still there waiting for him.

Ok, so this is what happened.
Yesterday morning I was talking to my bf on skype and I got upset because I was tired and my bf was doing other things on the computer and wasn't really into our conversation. So I just said 'ok, bye' and closed the conversation. He didn't like that at all. I also sent him some messages telling him that it really bothers me when he acts like that.

I tried to get to talk to him during the afternoon but he was busy and wouldn't talk. When we finally talked, he said he was very upset and didn't feel like talking to me until the following day. I'm the kind of person who can't be upset with someone for more than 5 minutes, so knowing that he didn't feel like talking to me at all, was awful.

This morning he got online and I talked to him. And he said he still doesn't feel like talking to me. I'm so worried that he might be like this for days and finally tell me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I told him that and he said that I worry too much, but I just can't help thinking that and feeling guilty for all the things I did to him yesteday.

So... has something like this ever happened to you? Any advice?