Any unsuccessful closed distances?

[ShazzamSam]

I have read A LOT of successful 'closed the distance' stories and it is amazing and I sure hope my own story will soon be up (:

But I want to know of any partners that have closed the distance only to find out it wasn't how it was expected or even worse? Maybe you were awkward? Not much to say/in common as you did texting/emailing? Anything at all.

[nomnom_elf]

not sure if this counts- but things were weird for the first few weeks back. Me and my SO have a flat together, and we became LDR when i got a new job up in Chesterfield 7mths. So after living on my own i returned to couple heaven; washing piles, cooking for two, sharing the TV!!! etc. He had work, so i was left in our flat with not much to do. i got a local position for a mth then got made redundant. After that i was living off of him, stressful and scary as i've always been proud to call myself finaincally independent. I'm now moving to ANOTHER post for 12 mths.

during the time i've being able to settle back with him i have noticed that there are times we have not much to say, periods of days when we are not fussed, but since hearing about my new job and him getting more work as well things have seemed happier. just lull moments i guess.

[BlueCat]

My SO and I have spent 2 periods of 6 months together. Both times we had issues which has made me struggle with us, but both times the issues were more individual which resulted in impacts on us, than actual issues we had as a couple. There were a lot of things that impacted and made it really hard, and my last visit I was actually so stressed that my hair was falling out because of it, something I've never had before. Part of that was his family, and part of it was personal issues he had. He's coming to visit soon for hopefully a year, and we're actually going to have our own place this time, so I'm really hoping that it works out for us, because I feel like if we have another rough visit that I just won't be able to handle everything anymore.

Sort of got a bit off track there, I made it sound so horrible. We have always had a lot in common though, so yes we had our rough times, but we still get along so well and I'm sure you'll be ok. There's always going to be tough times, it's hard making the adjustment from being apart to being together. Just have to find the right balance.

[Zephii]

There was a period of time where I started to seriously believe that Obi and I were incompatible CD. He'd just had a 4 month visit here, (which was not anything close to a positive experience for us (aside from a few highlights) but we'd learnt a lot,) and then I'd gone home with him to Canada. For the first six months I was in Canada I did not cope at all, and for the rest of my stay there I can't say I was ever particularly happy - which was a big contributing factor. We also didn't KNOW how to have fun together CD, especially not on the shit wages we were making. We had no money, and our work hours didn't match up. There were times I think I'd have left if I had the money for the plane tickets. Which I didn't Haha, so I was all-in!

There are a lot of things you don't learn through visits - like how you will handle major stress, how compatible you are sexually when both of you have strain from working, and if the internet has played a huge role in your contact - what you can do together without a screen in front of you that isn't tourism.

We also learnt later that it's hard to keep the distance closed. For me, there were many things back home that needed my attention, people who would have benefited from practical help I couldn't give because I was too far away and of course, visa issues!

Obviously we were successful despite this but I'm posting to remind people that closing the distance does not fix all your problems, it just opens you up to new ones sometimes. It wont always be fairy-tale easy at the start. But it's worth pushing through.

In my time on the forums (about three years now) I have seen quite a few people's relationships who didn't make it CD for whatever reason. But, you don't know until you try!

[rubydissolution]

I have an unsuccessful one. Though I've posted it on the forum a couple times, especially after it happened.

My now ex bf (though we are still friends), moved to NY from Oregon after we had dated for almost a year. He saved up a good sum of money packed up his cat and clothes and came to be with me. We lived in my Grandmothers house, which was more or less abandoned bc she was never EVER home. Things between me and him were good, but he lacked a car and a job which left the finances and travel in my hands. STRESSFUL! After about 2 months, he decided he was going home. His parents bought his ticket, and he was ready to go. I was also leaving for my annual vacation in Florida (He dropped the going home thing on me roughly 24 hrs before i was leaving). I was devastated. We flew out of the same airport and I expected to hear from him when he got home to Oregon. Much to my surprise he got to Penn, and flew back to NY.

He promised not to pull that I'm leaving in 24 hrs crap again, but in late October it happened again. I get home from work and he dropped the "I'm going home tomorrow" bomb. He left the next day, tears were shed and my trust in him was shattered. We struggled on for about 3 more months. Things we just never the same between us. He pushed me away and I let him. We broke up in February and didn't talk for quite a while. A few months ago we were able to reconnect as friends, which is an amazing thing. He now regrets not giving us more time, and not giving NY more of a chance. But I've moved on.

[MadMolly]

I was with my ex for 2 years before he moved here. It took maybe 3 months before it turned to custard, but we stayed together another year and a half before I finally got enough of a backbone to leave him. He still lives here now (he settled in very well in my city) which kinda bothers me a lot as I see him everywhere now. But hey. It wasn't the distance that caused us to break up, since he stayed here. He was just an asshole and I never realised it til we lived together

[Tanja]

*rises a hand*

Me and my now ex SO were both really active on here for quite some time. Our relationship lasted for over 4 years and the last year plus a few months he lived with me in Finland.

He wasn't happy here and couldn't adjust to living with my daughter which was extremely painful for me. It's not easy to be torn between the two people you love the most in the world lol.

Anyways, long story short he moved back home in April and soon after that we decided to break up. The distance was not the cause of it, our lives just didn't blend in like we hoped they would.

Even though I believe LDRs can work I'm not sure I'd be willing to start another one. I think my best shot would be a single dad who lives near by lol.

[Verojoon]

*rises a hand*

Me and my now ex SO were both really active on here for quite some time. Our relationship lasted for over 4 years and the last year plus a few months he lived with me in Finland.

He wasn't happy here and couldn't adjust to living with my daughter which was extremely painful for me. It's not easy to be torn between the two people you love the most in the world lol.

Anyways, long story short he moved back home in April and soon after that we decided to break up. The distance was not the cause of it, our lives just didn't blend in like we hoped they would.

Even though I believe LDRs can work I'm not sure I'd be willing to start another one. I think my best shot would be a single dad who lives near by lol.

I'm so sorry! What a difficult situation!!

This is why SO and I don't want to make any plans until he has had a chance to spend a significant amount of time with us and seeing if he could fit into our family and adjust to having my girls as part of our relationship... We also agreed that he would be very honest about any hesitation he felt about it working out in the long run. (so far he has been very honest... he doesn't know if it will work... He never wanted children... he didn't want me to break up with him over that fact because he never even got s chance to see it and try it for himself... ) Anyways, your situation scares me a little, but I guess I shouldn't try to over-think things until I see for myself...

Were there signs before hand? Did it seem he would embrace having your daughter in his life? Did you guys discuss at length how it would work out? I hope you don't mind all the questions, it's just you've touched a nerve and caused an old worry to re-surface.