Really need your reassurance, and stories!

[Jango]

Hi people.
Ive been feeling pretty crappy lately, and tbh I'm 100% sure why 'exactly'.

I'm going back to the states to visit again soon, and that's not really a problem, as such.
But this has got me into the whole, 'then what?' mood of thinking.
For example: What if, in the future at some point, one of us starts to think about living with the other?
Overseas, such as an USA-UK situation, it just seems like it could be a worthless struggle in the end, and I hate thinking like this!
My SO said she really plans on moving to the UK (from America) to start whatever. But I haven't got a clue how difficult and realistic that would be.
Or what exactly the best route for that to happen is.

Id really appreciate if people with the oversea relationships (especially the English/American handlers) could share their experiences?
Especially with the more serious, living abroad long-term thing.

I desperately need to conjure up at least some light in this International tunnel.
It's starting to put a little bit of a strain on my otherwise perfectly healthy relationship.

Any help would be amazing.

[Moon]

The best resource for US/UK moving issues is probably www.visajourney.com
Read through it, learn about your options, and just prepare yourself. It's definitely possible, you just need to know which is the best scenario for you both. Good luck!

[Oldblighty]

Hi Jango! I think there will be quite a few LDR members who are in the same situation as you. The not knowing what the next step should be? Who should move? It's definitely one of the strains of being involved with someone overseas. Especially when there's all the visa fiasco to endure and that's what puts people off in the long run. Such a complicated process when all you want to do is be with the one you love. Me & my SO struggle weekly with the distance etc...it's all a waiting game and one your not necessarily in control of.

Me & my hubby are currently going through the I-130 Alien Petition process, which means as his wife I will have to move to America. Something I'm not entirely happy about, because I would rather he come here but that can't happen unfortunately due to certain circumstances. So I'm the one that has to give up my life here in England, but it's something I'm willing to do because I can't live without him.

Your situation depends on many factors. Are you happy your SO moving to England? Or would you prefer to move to America? Then there's the visa issue? Which one to go for? But if you want to be together long term you either have to secure a job in either country, which isn't at all easy or marry, which some people aren't happy about doing, especially when its such a big step.

I'm sure you'll get other members on here with sound advice! Just remember that there are many going through the same issues right now and we all here to help each other, as best as we can...

[rina]

Moon pointed you in the right direction. Whenever i feel uncertain about what's about to happen i usually read up on information about visas and try to figure out which one applies best to my situation. After that i normally peek at the romanian community in belgium forum for stories of people who made it and such. If you do a quick google you'll find plenty of forums and blogs of americans living in england and the other way around; quick examples here

https://rwapplewannabe.wordpress.com/
https://londonmonica.blogspot.ro/200...ge-things.html

A fair warning though, reading up on visa information can be quite discouraging at first, but then you will find so many stories of people who made it, they just had patience and didn't stop believing and they made it.

Of course there are doubts about closing the distance, about moving and going somewhere new, but you should just think about what it would be like if there weren't any restrictions or any obstacles in your way. I usually end up looking for houses to rent in my SO's town and then searching them on google maps to see where they are, and i start making all these scenarios to see which one is the most plausible and focus on that one.

[eveningsky]

My SO and I are struggling with getting me over to the UK too. There are really only 3 options:
1. She can apply to go to University in the UK (full time) and hopefully get in. This would be the best option if you don't want to get married.
2. She can somehow obtain a job offer while outside the UK (you can't search for jobs while visiting) that is willing to put up with the hassle of immigration for her. The only ways you can really get this to happen is: she has awesome connections that land her a job, she's really skilled, or she works for a company in the US that is also in the UK and transfers her there.
3. You get married. To do this and get her over there, you must make £18,600 a year or save up £16,000 plus the difference and apply for a fiance/marriage visa.

Here is the link to the UK visa website: https://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/visas-immigration/
Here is a link to a helpful forum: https://www.expatforum.com/expats/br...ats-living-uk/

I hope this is helpful!

[pink elephant]

I agree with what everyone has said. A lot of helpful advice!

It might be scary to think so far ahead when nothing "set in stone" has really happened yet (i.e. becoming engaged or married, for example) but I think it's important to further discuss what you'll both want in life first, before even making any plans of who is going to move where. You're both doing a good job so far by visiting each others countries and getting a feel for what life, culture, and other factors are like (and make sure to keep records of these visits in case you do decide to move forward with your plans!)

Have you both talked about the UK being your definite place to start your lives together already, or are things still up in the air?

My LDR in a nutshell was - for the first three years of our relationship, I worked abroad then got engaged while I was there. After my three years was up, I returned to the US where I've been ever since, but within that time we got married and intended to stay in the US. Unfortunately, because of other problems, he had to go back to the UK. We applied for a UK settlement visa this summer, and now I'll be moving to Scotland in November.

We got married in the US through a K1 fiance visa because for us it was easier and there were less hoops to jump through process-wise than in the UK. At the time, we didn't know that we would be moving back to the UK.. but in the end things worked out because I made my application before the UK immigration rules changed. The K1 takes awhile to wait for (I think our wait was about six months) but in our case, it worked out for us better in money we saved rather than applying for a visa to the UK.

A lot of things that we talked for nearly a year about prior to our marriage were:

• Which country should we get married in and which country has a more straightforward process toward getting a fiance/spouse visa?
• Where will we have more family and friend support?
• Realistically, which country has better job prospects for the both of us?
• Which country will have more convenient transportation and areas that are easily accessible?
• Which place has more and better schools, parks, nature and wildlife, and has lots of places with culture and the arts? (My husband enjoys the great outdoors, camping, fishing, hunting and all - while I enjoy going to museums, gardens, theaters, and the like.)
• What are we doing to do about our culture shocks with weather? (He gets pretty shocked at too much sunshine which is prevalent here, while I feel like I might have problems with too much rain and days without sunshine.)

There were many other questions, but to us those were the most important that helped us make our decision before we even started the whole visa process. Originally, we wanted to stay in the US because most of the questions above were easier answered by my home state.. except the job prospects part on my end and a few other difficult problems that arose shortly after we got married that were out of my control. I feel a bit bummed we can't stay in the US because of the life I've made here since coming back from working abroad, but in reality, there are more job prospects in my field in Scotland, we both plan to go to graduate school in the UK anyway, and my husband has helped line up a job for me when I get there.

I think maybe if you gauge each other about these things, it might help a little bit on what the next step should be for you both. Marriage doesn't have to be the answer right away, so I'm glad that you're exploring all of your options. Oh, and sorry that all my answers revolve around the conclusion being marriage.. T_T

Good luck!