i love my boyfriend more than anything but the distance is getting extremely hard for me. before in my other relationships (not LDR) they never lasted long and it was never affectionate... so now i want that, hugging, holding hands, kissing... all that and i cant have it with my boyfriend obviously and sometimes i think about going out with guys(not on dates) and kinda see what happens... i flirt with guys but in an innocent way cause i need the attention i guess and ive told my boyfriend this but im still so confused. i dont wanna cheat but its always on the back of my mind
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Then break up. If you have no self-control, let your boyfriend go, then you can be with as many guys as you can handle. It's not fair to someone you supposedly love to cheat, so either control yourself, or find someone closer, there is no other alternative, so I'm not sure what you expect to hear?Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein -
no need to be rude.
i just wanted to know if anyones been through this. im not going to cheat, i would never do that, i love him too much.Comment
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Sadly, I believe that this a trait shared by many South American women (My friend is dating a Peruvian, and she has displayed many of your tendencies)
If you cannot control yourself, break up with your boyfriend for his sake. He doesn't deserve to be with a girl who cannt control herself.Comment
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Not saying what you want to hear =/= rude.Originally posted by august View PostOur separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert EinsteinComment
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You knew what you'd be getting into when you entered an LDR. You knew there would be long periods of time where you can't have all the physical aspects of a relationship. If you want it all right now, I suggest you break up and find someone closer who can provide you with it all. There's not really any advice to give apart from that. I went nearly 7 months without my SO between visits, and the only attention I craved was his, not from anyone else. Many people on here have gone longer. If you can't control yourself and want to go flirt and "see what happens" with other men, then an LDR is probably not for you.
<3 The day we met : 10.31.2009
<3 Our first Date: 11.04.2009
The Day we went long distance: 08.08.2010
<3 He came to England: 12.27.2010-01.07.2011
<3 My trip to Ohio: 5.29.2011-6.09.2011
Our first Christmas visit: 12.23.2011-1.7.2011
Distance closed: 2.29.2012!!!!!!!!Comment
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Sorry to be blunt but if you're already thinking of cheating constantly then it will just be a matter of time before it happens. I know you say you love your SO too much to do it but there will be times when the temptation will be too great to resist. After all, your SO is far away and has no way of finding out.
You need to really re-evaluate your relationship because honestly, some people just can't handle the distance. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it means you're human. But what would make you bad is to think about cheating and flirting with other guys "innocently" (is there even a such thing really?) while your SO thinks you only think about him and are willing to wait for him. If you're not getting what you need from this relationship then it might be best to really think if it's fair to stay in it, for both your sakes.
And yes, some of us have been in your situation.
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It's unfair to call someone rude who just tells you their opinion. If you can't handle that, then don't make a thread.
Either way, I agree with the others. If you really need someone's touch and attention and you're not satisfied with a long distance relationship, that's okay. It's not for everyone. But please don't cheat, just take the step and break up with your SO before you hurt him. I guess many people have the feeling that they just want to kiss and hug, but not with other people than their SO, so this is kind of different. If you are seriously considering going out with guys to see what happens, bad idea if you're in a relationship. Also, in such a situation, I don't know how innocent flirting actually is, since you might want more to happen. Just think about what we have said and then think about your relationship. Is it worth it because you love him that much? Than go for it and just stay on this site for support and I'm sure you'll make it through, no physical contact is hard indeed but it's not impossible. If you think that you just really can't go without the attention and touching, and if your thoughts of going out with other guys become stronger/stay, then think about breaking up since it would really not be fair to your SO to keep him hanging while you have fun with others. Good luck!
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Im not going to cheat, if i think about going out with other guys i never do it cause i just cant...its just a thought in my head that says with one action everything can change and i dont want it to be like that. i wanna be with him.
and the flirtiing is with my guy friends, i dont flirt with guys i dont know, im not good at itComment
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Although I'm a victim of this, you need to stop the flirting, unless your BF is aware that you flirt with your male friends and he is ok with it.Originally posted by august View PostComment
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he knows, he doesnt mind as long as its not flirting about sexOriginally posted by Tooki View PostComment
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The problem with this is it can be a bit of a slippery slope - what starts out as "innocent" flirting may well become something more at a time of feeling overwhelmed by being apart from your SOOriginally posted by august View Post
I think it's better to try and avoid it altogether if you can.
Last edited by lademoiselle; December 20, 2012, 04:00 PM.Comment
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yeah...
flirting is flirting...... doesn't matter who you flirt with.
it causes trouble...... no matter what way you look at itThe meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)Comment
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Personally I think you do not need to break up with your SO just because those temptations are there - because that's what they are - temptations. If you have not done anything wrong, then keep telling yourself that you won't.
I had a few issues when my SO and I were CD, and we talked them over together, and now that we are further apart we keep communication open to talk about that kind of stuff - i have no done anything I shouldn't have since he left, and he knows this and trusts me, which gives me motivation not to do it. If you are honest with your SO about your struggle, he should support you. As you said, you love him - so be will be willing to make wise choices in order to be with him in the end.
*hugs* - good on you for reaching out too..
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yes i talk with him about everything that worries me and what im going through and he understands and supports me. i havent done anything bad and i wont do itOriginally posted by emjay36 View PostPersonally I think you do not need to break up with your SO just because those temptations are there - because that's what they are - temptations. If you have not done anything wrong, then keep telling yourself that you won't.
I had a few issues when my SO and I were CD, and we talked them over together, and now that we are further apart we keep communication open to talk about that kind of stuff - i have no done anything I shouldn't have since he left, and he knows this and trusts me, which gives me motivation not to do it. If you are honest with your SO about your struggle, he should support you. As you said, you love him - so be will be willing to make wise choices in order to be with him in the end.
*hugs* - good on you for reaching out too..
*hugs back* thanksComment
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