Face-To-Face = Nervous Me

[NerdyChick]

Okay, we have been talking for 9 months, we have covered anything and everything in our conversations, from our deepest thoughts, feelings, and memories, to little superficial topics like weather, music, art. But most of this has been done through IM, we have video chatted a few times, but with the 5 hour time difference it's been a bit hard to setup a time that works for both of us, and we haven't been able to video chat since we decided to redefine our relationship. Now please understand that the person I have gotten to know, I love, as human being, as an individual, and as a guy, he is amazing in every aspect, and my knowing him has helped me better myself on so many levels. But most of our deeper more open conversations has been only through IM, not really out loud over video chat. And in June I plan to go visit him in the UK, I'm more than a little nervous, I can be so open in IM, but saying my thoughts and feelings out loud, the deeper ones anyway, well, I get a bit embarrassed, vulnerability hasn't exactly been encouraged in me. My fear is that when we meet face-to-face expressing the deeper stuff will become awkward, I don't want him to think I'm a different person, or that I was "fake" or something, everything I've said to him has been the truth, I've just never been good at saying things out loud. I want things to be okay, I want to make a good first face-to-face impression, with both him and his family, I really really don't want to mess this up. I've told him of my fears, he says that it'll be fine, not to worry. But I do, I do because I have had friends and family tell me the same and then just leave. I don't want this to be another one of those things were I open up all of who I am, flaws and strengths, and then get rejected. But I also don't want this insecurity to define me either. Has anyone been through this and had the disconnect? Or felt afraid of the rejection? I want to give this my all, I'm still going to go no matter what, but I just wanted to know if anyone else has overcome this insecurity or fear when it came to their LDR.

[redapple]

Just a short message as I'm with my SO on a visit at the moment but... I think everyone finds it easier to write their emotions than say them face to face. That's why people always suggest writing a letter and then reading it rather than just talking straight to people's faces, think of interventions! It's likely he will be the same and find it a bit different in person too. This is fine, totally normal and doesn't mean that you aren't the same two people as before. If you struggle when you're their tell him that you find it easier to write down personal things than say then, in sure he'll understand. You might find it fine though so try not to worry about it.

And as far as fears of rejection especially in terms of telling somebody else your secrets etc it makes us vulnerable and uncomfortable and a little scared. But it also can help share the load of life and give you someone to support and support you. Trust that life is normally good and hope for the best is my feeling about it! You can't spend life worried that things might go bad when the good can be so good!

[XxFranticLovexX]

I agree with redapple. I'm the same way, even with people that I meet in person first. I always start out being extremely quiet, reclusive, and shy but eventually open up to people slowly. Honestly, there are a very limited number of people who actually know me on an actual deeper personal level and most just know basic stuff or enough to make them think that they actually know me. I like it that way because it makes me feel less vulnerable and my life isn't really on display for the world. I told my SO how I am and that I probably wouldn't talk very much when first meeting him and his family. I also told him that I am better at communicating how I feel when writing it instead of saying it out loud, actually, every personal thing I have ever communicated with him about has been written because I get too nervous of peoples reactions to say it aloud (personal issue unrelated to this topic). The best thing to do would be to try organizing more video/voice chats before you go to meet him so that you feel more comfortable talking with him voice to voice/face to face. I was hella nervous when I first started talking to my SO outside of IM but he was too. That eventually became common place and we very rarely revert to IM now unless we have to. I was even more nervous meeting him for the first time and that showed as well, but I got through that within a couple hours too.

The best thing to do is let him know how you feel and try working through it between now and the time of your visit. It won't pass completely by then but it will help the two of you communicate better with one another quicker than you would by waiting until you are face to face.

First visits are always going to be nerve wracking but, if everything plays out well, they are great at the same time. Good luck and have fun getting more used to face to face communication and being with him in person. ^_^;

[kayla_622]

Its always easier to express feelings through text because you have time to write them out and think about what you are going to say. My SO and I are the same way though. We express a lot of feelings through IM but not so much when we are together. I don't mind it. I don't think he has a problem with it either. We usually just try to enjoy each others company while we are together and there is no need for any serious face to face conversations or need to express some deep feelings. There will come a time though when we do and even though I personally find it hard to express myself verbally like that I know that my SO wont judge me by what I say or don't say and I'm really comfortable around him so that helps too. I think that if your SO is expecting you to have these deep heart felt conversations with you all the time when you are together then I think he has unrealistic views and if he rejects you for not having those types of conversations then that is just silly. If you think its going to be an issue. Tell him before you go over there that you find it easier right now to talk like that though IM and may not be like that especially right off the bat when you two meet. I'm sure he will understand.

[Alsfia]

I'd say don't worry about it. It's a lot of new stuff at once, first of all meeting someone you know but never seen in real life (add the feelings for that someone and hello to emotional rollercoster ride), being a long way from home (your "safe are", as my SO likes to call it) and your family doesn't make it easier meeting people you've never met before (referring to family and relatives).
When I first met my SO in real life he was so nervous he barely could eat, poor guy. Lucky the stay wasnt longer, or he would probably have starved! I probably took it all better, since I was in a familiar enviorment (and spoke the language). When I first visited him I was nervous as well, even if I normally don't get very nervous. It turned out well though, i like his family and they seem to like me too and my family like him and so on.
Don't worry about talking so much, as the others said, talk to your SO about it and try and minimize the pressure Have fun, it's a wonderful experience, however tiring and emotional it may be.

[D.4C]

when we first met...i was nervous..i know she was much more nervous than me...and when we embraced for the first time...she was shaking...alot...but as wel held each other...right there in the middle of the airport...i could feel those shakes slowly get less and less...letting her know it was gonna be ok...and kissed her...and that smile on her face...after that...the nervousness seemed to be pretty much gone

[Sukkerklumpen]

I understand how difficult it may be with other people and it is very true that texting/writing out your feelings is also easier since you have time to think through and edit what you're going to say. But I think it has to do with how comfortable you feel with the person. Personally I was so comfortable with him and felt like I had known him forever that it was no problem no keep the conversation flowing. I think you need to work first off with your shyness and how you think you might be rejected. We all think it, but you have to push past it and give it a shot regardless of the outcome.