Deciding whether to take a break

[DarrenLMD]

Hi all, I'm Darren.

I has been with my girl for almost 5 years now and most of the time it's wonderful. She is someone I love and cherish.

Our relationship turned long-distance two years ago when I left on a scholarship. Everything back then was really tough and she was the one who put in more effort to save us from breaking up. Since then I have realized the importance of having her in my life and I've been working harder and harder to make her feel loved and comfortable. We see each other for two times a year, each time about two weeks to a month and every time since we parted, our holidays have always been the best thing I've had in my life.

But two weeks ago, she suddenly told me that she does not think she can cope up with it for much longer and a few days back she said we should take a break. The whole thing took a huge toll on me and I am still struggling to recover. She still texts me and says that she loves me and my reaction to that is ambivalent. I'm happy that she's still around but it drives me crazy to let go of something still so beautiful.

As I think about it, the major reason for this is that we cannot see a future in which the two of us can close the distance, at least in the next 4 or 5 years. And because I don't want her to suffer emotionally for something so elusive, I agreed that we should take a break.

But today, I come up with a plan that can, hopefully, bring us back together and finally close the distance after two more years. However, I'm facing a dilemma of whether to tell her the plan or to respect her choice and just back off.

What I am planning to do is to talk to her, lay out both options and listen to what she has in mind. Because if she's still in love with me like what she says, I still have hope of reviving our relationship. At the same time, I'm afraid that my plan may not work out after two years and we will be back to this state again. In that case, I'd rather face it now and set her free than to see her getting sad once more.

Anyone with experience can help me out with this? Thanks in advance

[kayla_622]

I really think its hard to continue LDR's for 5 years. Someone always seems to start to doubt that the distance will ever be closed. If you really think that you two will never be able to close the distance then I think you two should end it for good. Its not fair to either of you to drag on a relationship for 5+ years and never get anything out of it. Even if she does agree to try and close the distance with you in about 2 years you're going to have to expect things to be hard. I personally think that even though you two do love each other so much that if you can't be absolutely certain you'll be able to be together in 2 years you should break it off. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to wait two more years only to find out that you can't close the distance for some reason.

[DarrenLMD]

I guess you're correct. The shock from the first few days left me rather restless in finding a way to save our relationship. But come to think of it, it's a more rational choice to let it go. It's gonna be hard but it will make us both feel better after a while. Thanks

[MattDavies86]

Well, you've survived this long, I don't see how it will get any easier if you will break up, I mean just because you both break up, your feelings don't vanish, you don't immediately stop thinking of each other and missing each other, if you really love each other then it'll be hard, maybe it's a rough spot? There's no chance any of you can move earlier than that date either?

[Kiyama]

Despite all love, I understand her. I wouldn't and couldn't do long distance for that long. I personally think 2 years is the most I can do but everybody is different.
Isn't there any way you can close the distance sooner?

[MattDavies86]

Despite all love, I understand her. I wouldn't and couldn't do long distance for that long. I personally think 2 years is the most I can do but everybody is different.
Isn't there any way you can close the distance sooner?

^ This is true, I don't think I could last much longer than 2 years, in fact I'm planning if this all goes well to be married and moved here together by that time, well when I say I, I mean both of us, not just me, that would be crazy to make such plans alone!

The question is though are any of you 2 able to make the close sooner? or are you both studying or in great jobs?

[DarrenLMD]

We're both in college. I think the problem is that we started out when we were too young thus our paths were really unforeseeable. Only now when we're starting to worry about where life will take us do we realize how hard it is to keep going on like this, with no assurance.

The only way to close this as earlier as possible (only about 6 more months) is for her to come to my country to study but somehow that option intimidates her. I think she just does not like it here and she's got responsibility back home. We once agreed to do this but she changed her mind along the way and I don't want her to sacrifice everything just for me either.

So I guess we're ending it for good. I'll just look after her from afar as I've been doing for the past two years and who knows, maybe this will mean happiness for both of us. Of course I'm sad but I think I've grown up more during the past weeks to make this decision.

I appreciate all of your suggestions very much. They really help me a lot to see through this matter.

[mayfl001]

Maybe if you talk to her about it? Then at least she will have made the choice knowing how you are feeling? Maybe she didn't realise there was ever an end, and would be willing to put a couple more years in? Everyone can cope with different things, and the fact that you have been together for two years apart shows that you must be pretty strong? Maybe tell her what you just told us? And I obvioulsy don't know your situations, but instead of her having to come to you, maybe think about making the move yourself, depending how important she is to you. Or maybe spend a little bit of time "on a break" as such, and then decide what you want to do? Hope it works out for you.

[DarrenLMD]

So I went out with her once more and I just suggested, jokingly, that if we are still single after 2 years then, maybe, she can consider my option. She didn't response directly so I just hope that she'll keep that option in the back of her mind.

I'll be flying away again in one week so I'm trying to have some last memorable moments with her. After that, we will both move on and start a new chapter for our lives. Despite how much I want it otherwise, I get the feeling that this is for the best.

Thanks for all the help and encouragement guys, they really matter. Hope that I can return to the forum in the future with some good news. Love.