BF living with other girls in England

[Saleanah]

Okay, so I'm from America, and my bf's from England. We both trust each other, but I've always been the type to worry a lot. He will be moving in with 2 girls and 1 other guy in September (he attends University) and just knowing that is scary to me, because I feel like in America if that was to happen, then some kind of relationship would be started or something would happen. I'm not worried about him cheating on me or anything like that at all. I'm not even worried about loosing him to either one of the girls. It's just that girly feeling in the back of my mind that doesn't like the idea. Although, I've heard that in England it's common for different sexes to room together and it be totally fine.... just needed some thought on that idea. Thanks!

[snow_girl]

if you aren't worried about him cheating then I don't really understand your problem? I lived with guys before in a couple mixed sex houses. Men can be disgusting to live with therefore rendering them completely unattractive. Yea its possible that there could be an attraction but from my experience if you stick two random people in a house together before they have feelings for each other then chances are they won't ever develop.

[lademoiselle]

I'm in England, and while I don't live on campus I know plenty of people who do. All dorms are mixed at my uni and nobody thinks anything of it! When people are thrown together under such circumstances I think it's quite rare for anything romantic to happen. As snow_girl said, if you trust your SO then female roommates or not there's nothing to worry about

[Tooki]

I lived in a house with 2 guys and 1 girl. It's very manageable and things are unlikely to happen because both parties know thr thugs could get very messy, very quickly.

Furthermore living with people can be a turnoff in a way because you see them at their worst.

[GrandSupreme]

I live in England in a mixed sex dorm. Trust me, your SO will be more likely to kill them then sleep with them!

There really isn't anything to worry about if you trust him 100%

[Hyacinth]

when i was London, i house/flat-shared a few times and really, the flatmate relationship never had time to progress beyond hello/hi/how are you and trivial stuff like that. everyone was busy with their own lives (work and/or study).
you're worried, it's normal. but in situations like these, stick to the simple truths and facts; you know your SO better than anyone. you love him, he loves you. you are committed to each other.

don't let your worries come between the two of you by getting too possessive or jealous. have faith in each other and stay positive

[LittleBox]

I feel like in America if that was to happen, then some kind of relationship would be started or something would happen

Irrespective of location, things happen. It depends on the person, the situation and their ability to avoid giving in to temptation.

Its normal to have these jitters. My boy will be moving into a house with one or two girls next year too (he's in a dorm now). We had a bit of a hiccup last week which he was honest about but it has put me on edge about the whole situation and leaves me paranoid when he isn't around at certain times. I placed every ounce of my trust in him and its hard to get back to the way it was when I didn't worry about who he was with or what he was doing. The important thing is to trust HIM, if you do then it doesn't matter what goes on around him, he'll always be faithful to you.

[ThePiedPiper]

Irrespective of location, things happen. It depends on the person, the situation and their ability to avoid giving in to temptation.

Its normal to have these jitters. My boy will be moving into a house with one or two girls next year too (he's in a dorm now). We had a bit of a hiccup last week which he was honest about but it has put me on edge about the whole situation and leaves me paranoid when he isn't around at certain times. I placed every ounce of my trust in him and its hard to get back to the way it was when I didn't worry about who he was with or what he was doing. The important thing is to trust HIM, if you do then it doesn't matter what goes on around him, he'll always be faithful to you.

I agree with this. My university does not have co-ed dorms, but it does have co-ed floors, where you're not sharing a room with an opposite-sex individual but you're sharing a floor, bathroom, common room etc. with someone of the opposite sex. American boys aren't somehow more susceptible to temptation than UK boys. People are people, regardless of where they live, and I have only heard of a romance breaking out on a co-ed floor once in two years of having lived at the dorms and heard dorm gossip - and they were both single.

If you trust your SO, you trust your SO and there should be nothing to worry about. Like others have said, in most cases, living with someone can make them completely unappealing. I'm no longer friends with my first roommate, even, partially for this reason. My second was a little bit better because she and I had opposite schedules, so when we were together, it was more or less voluntary, spent quietly studying or chatting before and in between classes which was nice. However, I can't say I ever would have been interested in developing relationships with anyone in my room or my floor. One look at the bathrooms turned me off quite enough of that, thank you. But my point is, I don't think it's a common thing to have happen no matter where you live, and I think the important thing is trusting your boyfriend, knowing he's committed, and knowing that it's more than likely going to be fine, so long as you both remain open and honest with each other.

[kiara_silver]

Everyone has given great advice. I almost had a similar situation. My SO got a huge opportunity and in result would be sharing a place with others. Aside from wondering what this meant with our future plans, him getting this opportunity, I also wasn't so pleased with this thought either. And the crazy girl in me got a bit insecure. But in the end when it was actually time for him to go, and his reasoning words :P I wanted him to get it so badly. Because it was a great opportunity to do something he loved, and I do trust him. My insecurity are all on me. I think its just the thoughts of im not with him but these girls will be. And it makes us paranoid. But you know your SO and you even said you know he wont cheat. Just keep the communication open and remind yourself its all in your head lol Best of luck!

[Saleanah]

"I think its just the thoughts of im not with him but these girls will be. And it makes us paranoid."
--- This is exactly how it is. Thanks everyone for the advice. I really just get this feeling like "those girls will be able to see him and hear his voice in person in actual real life", but I won't :P It's not fair. But someday i'll be able to, so I can't be too upset about the fairness considering that's what i'll have to deal with with this LDR until we close it Thanks again everyone! These responses help me out a lot and calm down a bit

[Hyacinth]

keep up the positive attitude and yes, that's the best way to see it. when you guys finally close the distance, you'll be able to enjoy him everyday and forever!

[redapple]

I live with two boys.... I defiantly don't fancy either of them. Don't worry about it, close contact with someone else of the opposite sex doesn't mean you have to fancy them, sure sometimes it's hard to determine whether you like a someone if the opposite sex as a friend or as more if you get on really well, but generally we can chose to make the decision to only be platonic friends. I really like the guys I live with but I'd rather they stayed in their own bedrooms thank you very much!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm a girl, at uni, in England, living with two guys and another girl. Most of my friends also live in mixed houses.

Seriously, it's pretty rare that the people you live with you'll start something with. It's pretty much sh*tting where you eat. And to be honest, the people you live with are more likely to become brother sister type relationships, because you live together, you get on, but you see all the crappy stuff they do (leaving dishes, dirty clothes, irregular cleaning habits) without the rose tinted glasses of being in love.

The people who are living together and are getting it on with one another have moved in together AFTER getting together officially, and seriously.

I don't think you have anything to worry about from the girls he lives with.

[CountryGirl]

I can relate to this. I'm helping my SO to find a flat and I'm just too jealous to want him living with girls. I mean if it came down to it then I want him to be able to live in a nice place, but it would make me feel uncomfortable and he knows that. Same thing with him not really wanting me to live in a house with a bunch of dudes. I mean he stays in Scotland and I know I've seen a lot of mixed houses in the UK like what other people have mentioned..I know that insecurities don't just go away but if you trust him then it should be fine. Don't worry, I'll probably have to take my own advice on this.

[NerdyChick]

I'm also from the US and my SO is attending Uni in England, he lives with 3 girls and another guy on campus. I'll admit my first reaction was a bit of worry, but that faded very quickly after I remembered that my SO isn't like the other guys I've met, he's more mature, more intelligent, and much more caring. So that fear for me was extinguished early on, I can understand the fear though, but you have to have faith and trust in him. Trust that if another girl did approach him, he would easily turn them down, because he has you in his life. I mean this is all about how far you are willing to trust your SO, I'm not saying brush off red flags or purposely be naive, I'm just saying that if he hasn't given you a reason to believe he would ever be unfaithful or easily swayed by another girl. Then trust him, trust him because he has earned that, and has given you his trust in return.