Waiting on college for him?

[Saleanah]

I just graduated high school, so technically I should be applying for college and such. But I'm scared if I do, then I'll have to wait another 4 years to be with him forever.....
My whole family is against me basically because none of them went to college and i'll be the first in my family to do it. They think i'm not going because of him. They're sort of right, but they don't understand. I defiantly want to go to college, but later in life. I just don't want to take the chance now of applying, getting accepted, going, then realizing i'm stuck there for another 4 years without my SO.

Inspirations? Anyone ever been in this position before?

[LittleBox]

I wouldn't recommended putting your education on hold for anyone. Its a huge faux pas in my opinion. How do you anticipate closing the distance sooner if you don't go to college? If you plan on moving there it won't happen over night either and chances are with an education you'd be in a better position to get a UK work permit/visa. Education abroad is also very expensive so if you're planning on going to uni over there do your homework into that beforehand.

A number of us are going through college/uni without our SOs (myself included) and we're managing You could still fit in visits during holidays. Do some solid research into the colleges/universities you are interested in going to and see if they offer an exchange program with the UK where you could spend a year or a semester there and vice versa. Think things through properly and make sure you have your priorities straight.

[Brieasaurus]

Definitely don't put your education on hold for anyone. A lot of members on here are going to tell you that and it's true. However, you do have a lot of options. You could take classes at a community college, do two years at a school (what is that? A BA or something?), you could try applying to schools where your SO is, you could drop out of college if the situation changes or you could go somewhere and deal with being long distance. You definitely don't have to be "stuck" anywhere for four years though.

Like commasplice said, if you're putting school on hold, closing the distance is going to be significantly harder without having some college education, especially if your family is against it and isn't footing the bill for anything.

[Tooki]

Don't put your education on hold for you man. What happens if you two break up in one years time?

I go to university and I am able to manage my LDR with my GF.

[schwee44]

Personally? I've put my education on hold for my SO, and I would -not- recommend it. Really, it's better not to risk it. In four years you'll be secure and have something to fall on. If Liam and I don't work out, I've only got my parents to fall on. College is the best option

[ThePiedPiper]

. You could take classes at a community college, do two years at a school (what is that? A BA or something?), you could try applying to schools where your SO is, you could drop out of college if the situation changes or you could go somewhere and deal with being long distance.

Two years at a community college would get you an AA/AS. BA/BS is a four year college.

To the OPer: You're not going to find it any easier to immigrate to your SO (or to have him immigrate to you) if you have only a high school education, because unless your family is going to be paying visa and travel fees, you're a) going to have a hard time finding the money to support your relationship in general and b) going to struggle to prove that you're not going to become a ward of the system or that your SO isn't. Without college education(s), you or both of you are going to have a hard time finding and keeping a stable job that's going to support you to the point the government will let either of you immigrate to the others' country. If this is about visits or managing a LDR, they're perfectly reasonable to manage while one or both of you is in school.

Further, you have to treat this the same as if you didn't have a SO or if you broke up with your SO. If he dumped you after the deadline to apply for college, would you regret not having applied? Would you regret not going to college because of a boy who ended up not wanting to pursue a LDR with you at all? Most people here are going to advise you to stay in school and pursue your education; don't give it up for a man because if he can't wait for you four years, how do you expect a marriage is going to work? Marriage can be a lot harder than distance. The same is true if you can't handle four years of distance with him. In the end, you can't put your life on hold for someone you might not even end up with in the future. You've only been dating around a year now, regardless. Besides, you are never "stuck" without options. A lot of schools have EAP programs that would allow you to travel to his country to study and there's financial aid and scholarships available to do so. But don't put your life on hold for anyone. You need to ask yourself the question "what would I want if we weren't together or we broke up?" and respond honestly.

[DarrenLMD]

No is my answer I'm afraid.

Personal story: my SO's just decided not to go to my country and study and instead continue her education as she sees fit. This prevented us from closing the distance and we broke up over this. While I am horribly sad, I think I kinda understand her. Moving close to me would require too much sacrifice from her side and would we be unable to get together in the end, she'd, especially, end up very unhappy and broken. As strong as I feel about her, LDR has its own law of uncertainty. You will never be sure how things will work out between you two, despite the love you're feeling strongly now. So unless you have a clear and precise plan that you both feel strongly that "this is it" then I will say go for it. Otherwise, think of yourself and your own future first.

ThePied has said all the practical reasons why you shouldn't do it. I just want to add that instead of waiting on him, you two need to talk this over, figuring out a way to close the distance instead of just delaying it. If you guys find a very good solution and it requires you to wait one more year before applying to college then maybe you can go for it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you must have a clear plan of what to do because your career, and even your relationship depend on it.

[ChibiFelicia]

I'd have to agree with the above posters. I was in your position a while ago and we both decided that I have to do whats right for me. I wanted to move over to him a long time ago to be honest as i already had a BSc but i wanted further education so i chose to delay the closing the distance date. Thing is you have to think about yourself first, relationships don't always last. That and i have other goals in life that i want to fulfill before i move to him. The way i saw it, if i moved yes i'd have been happy that i was with him but i think after a while i'd regret not having done what i wanted to do and theres the possibility that i'd resent him and the relationship.

What he said to me a few years ago was "Do what you need to do, i'll wait. We have the rest of our lives to be together, don't rush it" And now we've been married for nearly half a year and we still won't be closing the distance for another year but we are in a much better position financially and career prospects wise to close the distance.

[kacie]

Do you know what it is you want to study at college? Or have a career in mind for when you do close the distance? Research the course you want to do, see if there's a way you could do a year in his country, or if the course offers job opportunities in his country if you plan to move to be with him. Really do your research and talk to him before you make your decision. Perhaps even look into whether the course you want can be done through distance learning so if you do have the chance to close the distance you could continue it

[blankita719]

No. No. No. Do not put your education on hold for anyone. End of story. Miraculously, there are load of couples on the site who have been long distance, even longer than yours, who have managed to keep up long term LDR's, while going to school. It is absolutely possible to do. Getting your education provides you with opportunities for a career. Which you'll kind of need to make money and sustain any relationship. Cause being broke doesn't help any relationship, long distance or otherwise.

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.”
― Lady Gaga

[13000km]

I personally did put my education on hold for my now husband. I went to school after high school to pursue what is the equivalent of an AA in the States. After meeting my SO, instead of going straight to university as planned, I worked full time for about a year and a half, saved a lot of money and decided to close the distance. We ended up applying and transferring into the same university.

I wouldn't necessarily suggest not going to college immediately, but I think whatever you choose you will never be stuck. There is always the option of transferring schools to be closer to your SO, taking a term or a year off, studying abroad, etc. A college education is good for you, but it doesn't mean you have to be stuck in one place for years on end.

[Zephii]

I didn't read all the replies because I'm pretty sure the majority of them are "No" Because sensible people are going to say no. That's a given.

Here's my take on it:

I think young people should have a couple of years off after finishing high school, before college. Too many of my mates have gone straight to college or uni, gotten stuck in a course and then figured out that they don't want the career at the end of this course, they want something different. So they have wasted thousands of dollars and a couple of years on something that sounded great to their young self and parents, but doesn't apply to who they grew into as an adult. On this front, I'm all for waiting.

Then there's the fact I can't tell you "don't hold off on your education for a guy" because that's pretty much exactly what I did. The only difference being, we'd known each other a lot longer, had already done the long distance thing for too long and I was older at the time (I graduated highschool when I was 22). And here in Australia college isn't a big deal. It seems like everyone in America does it or they can't get jobs and such, but here that simply isn't true.

Now, being completely realistic - exactly how likely is it that you're going to stay with this bloke forever? Not that I'm doubting yours or anyone elses relationship (and yes I had this talk with myself too) but the odds are usually pretty bad. And, well.. you have not met this guy. Meeting makes the world of difference. You also have not been together very long. Life is a gamble, but this is a bet I would not be willing to make. It's no where near a sure thing at this point. Simply put, to delay your education for a guy you've never so much as shaken hands with is pretty daft.

When considereing what you eventually will do, look too at the kind of person you are and the kind of lifestyle you are likely to lead.
For example, for me, starting a family right away took priority over education because of my age and because of my lifestyle. Obi and I are internationally nomadic. We are building lives in both countries and the career I was orginally going for is not suited for that.
But, on the other hand it is hard some days knowing that to society I'm worth nothing. It's hard earning half of what my husband does. It is hard seeing his job satisfaction, seeing that he loves what he does, seeing his successes... and not having any of my own. So if you are the kind of person who doesn't want to work for shit pay, if you need job satisfaction, if you need to feel like you're doing something with your life - then putting a guy first is not the way to go.

I think delaying a year til you figure everything out isn't going to be shooting yourself in the foot later though. Take the time to work, earn some money, maybe travel a bit. Work out who you are as an adult, and see if this relationship is going anywhere. Then decide.

[digitalfever]

The easiest way to immigrate? Be. In. Demand.
How do you do that? Have a specialized skill.
How do you get that skill? Schooling.

I'd say your family is right. You should go to school.

[squeeker]

I have been in that position in a way.. well before I met my SO I was going to university, but just for general courses, because I had no idea what I wanted to do really and all I knew was I wanted to go to university and get a degree in something and I thought taking random courses would help that. I don't regret taking them, because they helped expand my mind and teach me things. However, then I met my SO online and eventually wanted to meet him and ended up not going back to that university and meeting him instead, taking time off because I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do, which career to pursue. Then I started an online degree but that was not the right fit for me either. I had explored studying in the UK too because I do not want to be far away from my SO for longer than I have too.. but that was too expensive for me. And we realized the only things holding us back from closing the distance revolve around money. And the way to get that? Get a better education and get a better job. So this past September, Chris was accepted (during "clearing" when they offer seats up that they still have available) and started his course, which is 2 years for the foundation degree with a 1 year top up after that for his BSc. I did some research and looked into UBC (which I had previously not given much thought to) and found they had this awesome degree in an area I had developed a strong interest in.. and I have now been accepted and just have to get everything else.. housing and finance, etc.. in order and then will start the 4 year degree. And that's on top of already being in an LDR for over 2 years (known each other for over 3).

One way I like to look at it is... maybe I could have met my SO in a later stage in life, after we both had degrees, and we could've got married after a year of dating.. or something.. but isn't it so much better that I met him when I did, that we could help each other through this time in our lives and help each other decide what we want to do, and go through this whole process together (even if we are physically apart)? I think it's all part of a great story to share later.. just keep up the hope and the love and keep strong. Many people here are in LDRs and go to school in separate places than their SOs and survive. You can make it too. I think education will help you close the distance and live more comfortably and happy with you SO when you do.. otherwise you might end up in a lower paid job, just making enough to get by and not having much time to spend with your SO when you do close the distance.. It is hardwork, but I believe going to university would be worth it. However, if you are unsure about your career, it might be helpful to take a year or two off to explore your options and figure out what you want to do.