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She either doesn't trust me, or needs an excuse..

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    #1

    She either doesn't trust me, or needs an excuse..

    Hi, I'm new here.

    So, background: we met IRL, briefly, had a blast but only really discussed feelings on her departure (3500miles in distance, 5h in time, 8h in travel). We've talked a lot in the almost 6 months since, though with spells of her deciding we shouldn't talk so that we could move on. Neither of us wanted to, so it never worked.

    The ridiculous scenario I find myself in, is her not believing - or not wanting to believe - that I feel as strongly about her as I say I do, or that she does me. If I try to tell her, she feels that I am only saying 'what she wants to hear', not what I feel; if I don't bring it up, she feels as though her feelings are not reciprocated.

    I can't win this one!

    I don't know whether she honestly thinks I don't, or is just trying to convince herself that I don't because she's afraid of committing to an LDR. I can't tell.

    This would never be an issue in person, of course; the distance seems to be taking its toll.


    I fear it may already be too late; I really don't know what else I can say at this point - I had planned to visit, but it doesn't seem like there's going to be someone to visit . Nonetheless, I would appreciate any advice.


    TIA,
    Last edited by nmu; January 18, 2013, 08:02 PM. Reason: grammar
    Tags: None
    #2
    It seems to me she's scared. I'm like this a lot. I know I put my poor SO through hell sometimes. Even though I know he loves me, I feel the need to make him "prove" it time and time again.

    Girls are strange creatures. I think a lot of the time we don't even know what we want. That being said, it's unfair to you. I think you should have a very serious conversation with her. Tell her what you told us-that no matter what you do, you can't win. Hopefully, she'll see that she's putting you in a difficult spot and work to change it. And if she doesn't, at least you know you put it out there.



    Met online: 1/30/11
    Met in person: 5/30/12
    Second visit: 9/12/12
    Closed the distance: 1/26/13!!!

    Comment

      #3
      Nothing wrong with wanting a show of affection etc, everyone needs it from time to time, a little sign that they still care or love you etc, by the sound of it she is scared of the distance and possibly ending up hurt, you should really talk to her honestly and ask what you've asked us here, if she's scared or if she's trying to convince herself, it's the only way you'll get the true answer.

      "Buddha made you for me" - My SO



      1st Met/Visit: Nov 2012 - Thailand
      2nd Visit: May 2013 - Thailand
      3rd Visit: Jun 2013 - Thailand
      4th Visit: Sep 2013 - Thailand
      5th Visit: Sep 2013 - Jan 2014 - UK
      6th Visit: Apr 2014 - Thailand - Marry
      7th Visit: Sept 14th 2014 - Thailand - Wedding Ceremony / Party
      Close the distance - Sept 21st 2014 - UK
      UK Wedding Party: November 8th 2014

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Dezface View Post
        It seems to me she's scared. I'm like this a lot. I know I put my poor SO through hell sometimes. Even though I know he loves me, I feel the need to make him "prove" it time and time again.

        Girls are strange creatures. I think a lot of the time we don't even know what we want. That being said, it's unfair to you. I think you should have a very serious conversation with her. Tell her what you told us-that no matter what you do, you can't win. Hopefully, she'll see that she's putting you in a difficult spot and work to change it. And if she doesn't, at least you know you put it out there.

        I agree with that, we are strange EVen though I love my sweets loves me like no other ever did I'm still scared, because of the past, because of the present. You can't make her believe you but you can assure you again and again that you DO love her.

        I also agree that you should really talk with her, maybe learn why is she so afraid that you are only SAYING things.

        I hope everything will solve out
        “We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”
        ― Robert Fulghum, True Love

        Met UK 3.08.2012-5.08.12 ->UK 1.12.12-3.12.12->PL 8.02.13-16.02.13->PL 1.06.13-9.06.13->UK 3.08.13-17.08.13->UK 26.10.2013-02.11.2013->PL 30.11.2013-08.12.2013->PL 22.03.2014-29.03.2014->UK 31.05.2014-07.06.2014->PL 06.09.2014-13.09.13->UK 20.12.2014-03.01.2015
        Closed the distance >21.03.2015
        sigpic

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          #5
          Sometimes she just needs you to show it and that is why she says she doesn't really believe it because she needs to see it. Try doing things for her such as sending her things and proving your love for her. After all working towards getting a plane ticket should be reason enough to trust that you love her. If she is scared of being long distance tell her to look at this web sites and all the people that are in it. Hope this helps ^^. Good luck!

          Comment

            #6
            I get like this sometimes. I mostly get this way when he repeats back what I said to him or replies that he feels the same. Sometimes I want a verbal show and sometimes I want his actions to show his feelings.

            Have you tried putting your feelings onto paper or email and sending it? A good old fashion love letter. It would show that you have sat down and really thought about your feelings and committed it to written word without her being able to excuse it as you just being in the moment or parroting back what she tells you.

            She's probably afraid that her feelings wont be reciprocated by you with the same dept that she feels.

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