It has only been 8 days and it's too hard.

[AllyNZ]

I have only just registered for this site today, I think it is an amazing idea, I have never given much thought to long distance relationships until I knew I was about to be in one. My boyfriend left 8 days ago, I am from New Zealand and he is from Argentina, over 6000miles away and about $3000 to get there. I applaud all of you that have done this and are doing this, I have been through a lot in my life, but saying goodbye at the airport that day was one of the hardest times of my life. I will be going to argentina in may to spend 2 weeks with him, and then he plans to return to new zealand in august, I know this may not seem like long because a lot of you are doing a lot longer. But this is so hard, I'm constantly so scared about this not working out, he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, In the early days of preparing for this time I was worried about him cheating on me, but now all that worries me is through no fault of our own, the time apart just ruining the relationship, he gets to return home to his family and friends who he hasn't seen in over a year, it will be an amazing time for him, me however, will still be in the same city with nothing exciting happening. I guess what I need is some advice, from people who have successfully done this or are currently doing it, how can I keep making it exciting for us, how can we still feel happy being together without physically being together? I want to do anything to make this work and will try anything.

[MadMolly]

Hey, welcome! I live in NZ. The first 2 weeks or so of being apart suck the most, but after that you kinda get used to it and start appreciating the times you do get to talk instead of missing him in the times you can't. Skype is AMAZING, and try not to be too sad, it'll reflect in your conversations and bring you down! The best advice I can think of right now is just, hang in there. It gets easier, I promise!

[Tooki]

Welcome! Things will get better soon. You'll learn how to cope and manage your time better.

Skype is amazing, as MadMolly said. Also look towards May and August. You are fortunate in already having your next meetup date already arranged. I don't know when I'll be seeing my GF next with certainty. Things would be a lot worse if you had no date set in stone.

Good luck!

[ThePiedPiper]

Try having a countdown, either with paper chains or a virtual one, that allows you to actively become involved in changing it and counting down towards your SO's visit. This is something that always helped me because it helped me see that time was moving even where it felt like it didn't.

As the others have suggested, Skype and phone calls are always a good way to keep in touch and it can be nice to help you feel connected to your partner, even at a distance. I never personally Skyped very often, but I made it through my relationship by getting used to talking online and by making time to talk on the phone where we both had it. We tried to do so at least once or twice a week after he'd obtained a SIM card that allowed him to call the States for cheap, so there's that.

The other thing, though, is you need to allow yourself to cry. It's always hard having someone leave, because when you leave, you at least have family and friends, maybe even pets, to come home to, but when they leave, you're forced to face their absence a lot sooner and in a way that I feel is much more real, because you fit them into your routine, where they fit like a glove, and then you blinked your eyes and they're gone. Being on your own where they once were is extremely difficult and you deserve to have times of hugging a tub of ice cream to your chest and crying as you make a carton sundae and watch cartoons. The emotions are important to process. At the same time, it's important to give yourself something positive or productive to do, whether it's a creative hobby, exercise, etc. You need to find, and will learn, the balance between crying and being upset over their absence and learning how to handle it by also giving yourself a break with something more positive. Side note: the other good thing about a hobby is it allows you two to maintain a sense of autonomy; sometimes people in LDRs have the tendency to sacrifice everything for their partners based on the nature of the situation.

As far as keeping things exciting and making the both of you feel better, sometimes doing things together can really help with that. Read a book together and discuss it, start a blog together, watch TV/movies together, etc. It's really about figuring out how to defy the distance and find activities that you can share even while some others are off-limits, but I promise you that you do get the hang of the distance thing eventually.

[Alle1770]

Welcome to LFAD! My SO is in Argentina as well so we're in a bit of the same situation As Tooki said, it will get a bit easier with time. Not much, but a bit. It always sucks more than anything to say goodbye, but the wait is so much worth it once you see each other again! And all the tips I can really give you have already been posted by the others. Skype is a lifesaver, especially if you're able to have video/sound at the same time. You can watch films together, play online games, offline games, or just go about your daily routine but still have the other one there. Try and figure out things you can do while being apart, like what ThePiedPiper said, read a book at the same time and talk about it, or something the like!

Also make sure that you keep yourself busy. The first time my SO left after a visit I was devastated, stayed home from school for like a week and just cried and cried and cried. And that's okay, because you need to let your emotions out or they'll just build up until you explode. But what I noticed was that staying home that long and just lying in bed made it harder (at least for me) and it seemed like time was passing so slow! If you keep yourself busy with work, school, meeting friends or a hobby, you'll soon notice that the days are just flying by, and you'll be together again in no time! It's okay to be sad, because you miss someone so much. But try to find some way to still go on with your life, even if it's tough at times.

Hope you'll find it a bit easier soon enough, and that you find ways to stay connected!

[Melinahasan26]

Hi welcome to LFAD. well I know what you're going through is pretty tough and difficult. But you have come to the right place for the best support and advice on being in a LDR. Yes I do agree with everyone else who posted on this thread. And Skype helps a lot as well. To make things easier on your relationship, make schedules so you and your SO can have time to spend together throughout the day. c: my SO is in London an I in Chicago. It's a big gap and it's hard everyday since we haven't met yet, to know that I can't just easily go and hug my SO like I would like to. So in other words, things will get better for you, just give it time. I'm also here for you for support and advice. The best of luck to you. ^-^

[MattDavies86]

Welcome , it does get a little easier, though you will always be thinking of or miss him as I do my SO, but it gets easier, keep yourself busy, try not to forget your friends and hobbies, they will keep you distracted a little. :P

[jess_mp]

But what I noticed was that staying home that long and just lying in bed made it harder (at least for me) and it seemed like time was passing so slow! If you keep yourself busy with work, school, meeting friends or a hobby, you'll soon notice that the days are just flying by, and you'll be together again in no time! It's okay to be sad, because you miss someone so much. But try to find some way to still go on with your life, even if it's tough at times.

You are pretty right, staying home doesn't help that much... time passes damn slow.
Keeping yourself busy with work is the best... and of course keeping in touch with your bf on skype

[Kristin91]

Welcome to LFAD Just have faith in your relationship and in your love for each other! Have fun skyping and playing games online together, and remember: every day you're apart brings you one day closer together

[Tigers lad]

Hey! Im kinda new here also and it seems we have a similar itinerary...I leave in the first week of may for a few weeks to my SO, and then she comes here in august - must be the months to travel difference is i havent seen my girl for 6 months now and 7 by the time i get there and it has been HARD. we have had to good forutne of seeing each other quite a few times with this being the longest wait. The last time i left her at the airport, was the most heartbreaking day i think i have been through. we had spent 3 weeks in thai together and i dont think there was a minute we didnt have 'touch' on each other. Inseparable. but the day came when she had to leave and she was flying out 9 hours before me. we stood and embraced for an hour while she sobbed on my shoulder non stop. makes me emotional just remembering this, at only one stage did she look up and say something and it was 'im not going to be able to look back when i leave' through her tears. I understood and i was strong!! i kept it together until the time she disappeared into customs - without looking back. and then? i lost it. i had to sit in that airport for 9 hours waiting for my flight...it felt like a week. tucked away in a corner an absolute mess. My point in all this is that after a few weeks of really tough loneliness and want for each other, we settled back into a routine of skype and email and text, adding snail mail for surprises, and this became just a 'have to' routine toward the main goal of being together. Its hard...hardest thing i have ever done, communication, trust and reassurance are the biggest things but stay strong! for the moment you question the smallest thing...it snowballs. I hope you get a chance to breathe and settle into a routine where you are both comfortable and smiling. all the best