Dealing with insensitive close-distance people

[Aniheaton]

I'm looking for thoughts on how to deal with friends and family who are insensitive to your relationship. I try really hard to be positive and not whine about how hard it is to be long distance, but I'm wondering how to respond when my friends complain about not seeing their SO for 3 days, or that the SO lives 20 minutes away. Do I speak up and say something, or do I bite my tongue and tell my SO about it later because he actually gets it. Also, is it fair to tell someone if you're just having a down day and really missing your SO? I mean, life's not easy for anyone.

[kayla_622]

I usually don't say anything to people that I know that do that. I have come close to just be blurting out that they should feel lucky that they can see their so whenever they want out of pure frustration because I'm on edge about things.

I think its okay to tell people if you're having a bad day because you are missing your SO. I personally try not to say that a lot because I don't want people to always be hearing that but, I don't see anything wrong with saying it as long as you aren't saying it every single day.

[Kiyama]

I dont see a big difference between long distance and close distance couples when it comes to problems. Life isn't easy for them just because they are cd and not ld like we are. When my friends complain about something, I'm supportive because it has nothing to do with my relationship. Cd couples face other issues then we do and we have to respect their problems as much as they should respect ours.
I have never come across anyone who has treated my relationship with insensitivity so yes, I complain to my friends too as much and little as they do to me. No worries, if they are really your friends, they will support you

[digitalfever]

I don't really think anything should be said. I see it like this we choose our relationships and therefore it's really not anyone else's issue.


Why do people HAVE to be sensitive especially if you seem to be insensitive. My thoughts in this are "those of us who ask for understanding and tolerance should also be willing to extend it" I think that everyone is entitled to complain. If you want to complain then go straight ahead but the distance that you and your SO have doesn't trump the distance of another couple.

If people aren't being support then you should talk to them.

[redapple]

I'm with kiyama here. Every relationship has issues and having been CD and LD I can sympathise with both. But just because were long distance doesn't mean that our friends can't miss their boyfriends/girlfriends too. It's not a competition of who has it hardest! If anything shouldnt we be the best people to sympathise?! yes you might think that you have a tougher deal and they should get over it (ive felt like this too) but unfortunately it doesn't really work like that.

I'm not a big fan of dramatising a LD, I accept its hard sometimes but so is picking your SO underwear off the floor everyday or living together but him working 50hr weeks. We've all got problems, I think you jut have to be as supportive as possible. When your friends are missing their SO maybe you could discuss coping strategies that you have? And it's ok to tell them you miss yours too!

And in terms of telling people you're having a bad day, why not? Sharing tends to help I think and I'm sure your friends as well as people here will understand

[lyonsgirl]

Try looking at it from their perspective. If you were in their shoes, how would you feel if every time you said you were sad your SO is far away, someone came and replied, "Well I haven't seen my SO in (x amount of time)!" Like your problems are "bigger" than theirs.

Personally, if I had a friend that did that to me once in a while because they're having a rough day, that's life. If it became an all-the-time, constant, "one-upping", I'm not sure I would want to talk to them anymore.

[Zapookie]

When we were LD and my friends would complain about not seeing their boyfriend in a few days I'd just always say "Try a few months, honey". That put things in perspective for them and usually made them feel better. lol.

[rubydissolution]

Here's the thing. I assume the people complaining to you are your friends, and are whining or complaining to you to vent. So instead of biting your lip, how bout being supportive. You would want their support wouldn't you? Do you really want to sensor yourself, or have them sensor themselves just because you don't want to hear it? What kind of friendship is that?

I think all of the people who have closed the distance, or the people who are in CD relationships still have that moment where they sit around and go, "I miss my SO". It may not have been months, or weeks, or days or even hours. But they still have that feeling of genuinely missing that person, and that's something you can sympathize with. So how about when they go, "I miss my bf or g/f" you go, "I miss mine too" Then they know they aren't alone in feeling that way, they feel supported and so do you. Its not a competition like the others have said. You just miss someone.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm in university, and I've just organised my housing for next year (a few of my current housemates are leaving, so we can't keep the house we're in), and one of the girls I'm moving in with made it a condition of living with us that we weren't any more than five minutes walk from her boyfriend's house. Obviously, that really limited us in terms of where we could actually live - a five minute walking radius is not very far.

I could've said something about how five minutes is ridiculous - which it is a bit, regardless of my relationship - but... in her perspective, more than five minutes is too far. The issues we have are relative to our situation. And there might be other pay-offs that you don't know about. Maybe your friends are all close distance, but their parents don't like their partner very much. Or their partner can be insensitive. Or their partner doesn't give them enough space. Every relationship has it's pitfalls, none are perfect. If I were you, I'd be glad that the most obvious pitfall for us is geography.

[Zephii]

I know your heart hurts, but the thing is that the world doesn't owe you anything. The people around you don't owe you special treatment just because you've chosen to be in a LDR, and their right to express how they feel isn't diminished by your circumstances.

Besides, it's different anyway. Or, in my experience it is. It's a different kind of missing... Or thats how I feel, having been on both sides of the fence.

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

I tend to bite my tongue and not say anything as I don't want to become that person who turns every conversation around on to them. Of course I feel a pang of light hearted jealousy that they don't have to deal with the distance but everyone is entitled to miss their loved ones no matter what the time was between seeing eachother. Plus I know one day I won't have to worry about the distance anymore I just wish that time would hurry up lol