I'm not coping very well with life in general at the moment... help?

[ZuluXD]

Hi everyone I'm 24, I met my fiance in university, he was an international student doing a masters when I began my first year but deferred half way through for personal reasons and went back to Hong Kong, I visited in the summer, then he came back in my second year to finish his masters. I saw him again last summer and now I'm in the UK finishing my final year, so we've been on and off long distance for a while.

So the problem is my life seems to have ground to a halt (I know it sounds a bit melodramatic), this is probably the longest we've been apart now and I'm in my final year and can't afford to mess things up now.

I'm actually moving to Hong Kong after I graduate, so there is a plan and we talk on skype briefly a few times a week (time difference sucks) so I know I should be happy and trying to get a good degree but I can't seem to get out of bed or even do anything slightly productive. I have days when I'm fine then I fall back into this slump I can't get out of... I keep telling myself to cheer up and snap out of it but I can't get out of it this time.

Other thing is he is my best friend. My previous best friend (of 20 years) had mental problems, snapped and tried to kill him a few years back then moved away... but lets not go into that. Needless to say I now have lost trust in most of my old friends and find it hard to trust my new ones...so I spend most of my time alone.

I'm booked in to see a Councillor in 2 weeks to have an 'assessment' then probably another 2 weeks before I actually see someone about this... which is after a major deadline of mine so I kind of need help now.

I've tried various different things, having pics of us everywhere, a 'motivation book' (stick quotes and stuff in to give me motivation), listening to happy music, watching comedies, learning Cantonese, etc but nothing seems to work so I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to deal with my 'slump' so I don't feel like there's a major part of me missing? or how to keep myself motivated for at least a few more months?

Oh I just wanted to point out on a normal day I'm the optimistic, smiley type so I want to get back to how I used to be I want to get my smile back.

Thanks for your help!

Zoe xx

[Deleted]

Hello Zoe, things can definitely be tuff but I find the best way to cope with something like this is to simply keep your self occupied, School should definitely help with that but it tends to get monotonous which doesn't help because he's probably always on your mind. Seeing a counselor, should help in getting a lot of things off your chest but I would recommend getting out more. As much as it might help to have pictures of you guys everywhere and constantly have things remind you of him its always a good thing to get outside and socialize, and get your mind off them for awhile. I'm on a swim team and that really helps me keep it shape, gets me outside, and I have built a lot of friendships from being on the team. I think you also need to keep your head in school as best as possible since this is your last year, you really have to make your self believe that your doing this for him which idk it might help. It sounds like your doing quite well with coping though and time will fly by so fast that you'll see him in no time. I hoped I helped a little but mainly I think to get outside, get new friends, and to socialize more is your best option right now. :-)

[ZuluXD]

Hi thanks for the advice and support I tried that at first, trying to keep my self occupied so the days would go faster and I wouldn't think about things too much but that pushed me the other way when I was completely stressing out and not taking care of myself properly which wasn't much better... I suppose I need to find a healthy balance also my course is very student led, we have 1 lecture a week at the moment! I don't know what I'm paying for to be honest... but I still have deadlines and my dissertation coming up so I need to get myself to work and stop being all sorry for myself... but I can't seem to find the will or the motivation recently.
Other thing is I'm still living in the house we both lived in for 2 years so everything reminds me of him which can be nice or just painful...
I tried going to the gym once a week but that stopped too as I think I'm developing a type of social anxiety which makes me want to stay home even more...
Ahh...all my reply seems to be negative... sorry about that -_-
Thanks for the encouragement though

[SaffronS]

Hi Zoe, I know exactly how you're feeling! You might be suffering from a mild form of depression :-( with your loved one away, your studies, lost faith in your friends, you probably feel alone?!?! Try & join a salsa class or help out at a school? My friend suggested 5HTP with is a natural supplement to help with depression & anxiety, to me & I must say it helped! Speak to your counselor about it. Good luck :-)

[Zephii]

Spend more time outside, and get plenty of exercise. I know it's hard to go out, but the more you stay home the more you will feed the fear and the depression. You can push through this! I believe in you

[Karringtyn]

I am glad you are reaching out for help.....Depression sucks and being away from someone you love doesn't help either. Keep reaching out and please know there are MANY of us that understand!

[Deleted]

No need to apologize I fully understand the feeling of being away from someone so long but jeez living in a house for two years and then having him leave is definitely a hard to deal with. I think you can do it , and the fact that your reaching out to other people doesn't make me think that your too depressed. I have a friend who I can't even hang out with because he has chronic depression, and every time I try and make a plan to hang out with him he always cancels it at the last minute, idk I'm trying to make him happy and get him outside but he never reaches out but in your instance you seem like your doing a whole lot better by simply communicating with other people and that is one of the best things to do when you have depression.

[ZuluXD]

Thanks for the support everyone I actually managed to stay out of the house and see people the past two days so It's a start! I just have to find the motivation to write my dissertation and things now ¬_¬ but I'm getting there

[Zephii]

That's great news. Celebrate your small victories!

[mangoluverin]

Yay! Keep going out and meeting people. And as for your dissertation - start small. Promise yourself you will only write for 5 mins. 5 mins is not so hard, and once you start you usually find motivation to keep going.

[Luxee]

Hi all,

Im in the same situation as Zulu was a few years ago. We met in England. I was over there on a working holiday visa. We dated for 7 months every second weekend seeing each other as he was in Manchester. then we moved together to Taiwan to teach English for 2 years and lived together. Then another year in Australia for 1 year living together but now he;s gone back to England to study. I dont think i can go there for 2 years because of the UK's new partner rules.

Im sad and hopeless... friends keep cancelling on me and im sure its circumstances but it doesnt help the confidence. Work was casual and has slowed down to nearly nothing so im on the job hunt. My school is stressful and we only chat for like 5 minutes a day because he only contacts me 5 minutes before he goes to sleep.

My twin sister hides things from so that even asking her, her plans on the weekend is met with 'I have plans'. I am so alone. And sad. He was my best friend...and i cant even talk to him in the day because he is asleep.