we dont have anything to talk about anymore...

[Thanh]

Hi everyone, Im from Vietnam and this is my first post. I hope to get some advices from here.

I and my boyfriend are half way of the earth apart but luckily we have time to skype everyday, in my morning which is when he is off from a long day working. So normally he is very tired and ready in bed for sleep after talking to me.

Although we knew each other from a dating website, we never had to bear any distance. When we were together, he always made me laugh and we would talk for hours, really get along very well. But since he had to go back to work in Canada, for over a month already, we have to spend time online. And it has been hard for me for the past week, both of us dont have anything to talk about AT ALL. Sometimes I feel the sillence takes ages.

I have read 103 things for LDR couple to do, searched for questions to make conversation... and similar things. But I think the problem we have is a bit different, it might be because he is too tired to have a deep and long chat. Or he is just simply not into chatting online (which is who he is). Or we dont have a connection anymore ? Everyday he texts me when I wake up and before I go to bed, says how much he misses and loves me... Definitely the texts make me happy and have been supporting me the past month. Though when we get to skype, he doesnt talk much and I dont know what to talk about either, everything we talk about seems to be superficial and yes boring. You probably know how it feels when you talk to SO and he/she doesnt seem to try and make a good conversation with you... (Im not really sure if he tries).

So... help me please. I have one more month online to go before he comes back. We plan to live together by then. And in the future, he will still have to go back to Canada for work for a few months every year. Im afraid we are being pulled farther away from each other because of these dull talks.

Thank you.

[Kiyama]

You have clashing schedules and a time difference. What you describe is pretty normal and there is no need to worry about it. My SO gets quiet when he's tired and it's almost impossible to suck more than a word out of him
Things just are as they are. Sometimes you don't have much to tell and in ldrs you can't compensate for that like cd couples do and watch a movie or just cuddle or whatever. So you just notice it more.
You only have one month to go. Hang in there!

[MattDavies86]

By the looks of it your im a similar situation to me and my SO (Me in the UK and she in Thailand), same distance but don't know about the time difference, it is hard, nobody really wants to talk when they are so tired, is there a day off work he has? like the weekends etc? you can both make a date and time to meet and really talk you know.

Like Ki said, it's one month left, stay tough and you'll make it through, you know it's going to be worth it when he's back in your arms

[Lovebee]

Do you skype every day? Perhaps there is a little too much pressure on the regular calls to be special and interesting, and that's quite a high expectation to have.

Me and my SO only talk on the phone about once a week - sometimes less often than that - so we kind of store up things to talk about. Most of it is really dull - what I did in the week, what he did in the week, what I'm having for dinner, when my next exams are etc. When one of us gets too tired to talk, we don't push it, we just say goodnight and leave it there.

A month can fly by. Maybe you could try starting a little project that you can talk to him about or surprise him with. It'll keep you busy and help the time to go quicker.

Good luck x

[Jessjoliver]

I am also dealing with the same thing I live in Australia and my man lives in the US .... Not only am I feeling super disconnected physically from him . Our conversations befor we met were far more I guess you could present and constant now they seem to be slowing and i have to initiate all conversations I feel as if all I'm saying to him is "I love you " "I miss you " he also is a marine and barely gets time to himself as it id and as a result of the time difference he finishes work I'm just waking up and when he's awake I'm asleep . I don't want to pester him or appear to clingy . I just don't want to lose that spark .

[Thanh]

Thanks for your comments and advices. I just knew that he has to take 1 more month for work before we can see each other again, so i have to wait a bit longer now

And I tried to take your advices... I would tell him that i want to do something else and chat later if i ran out of things to say. Sometimes I dont chat to him for a couple days. So he feels miss me extra and when we talk again, it is better. And instead, I made some small gifts and sent him, he liked them a lot For example, I sang a part of a song and recorded it, it was embarrassing because my voice is not very good, but it was fun, he said he was so happy when he listened to it. Then I made a video of the photos he likes with a love song... Recently I made a crossword about our memories and what we like about each other, etc... He enjoyed solving it Im thinking about reading a short story and record it, send him one story everyday for when he is working, or just send on days that we dont skype...
I will try to keep myself as busy as i can, and as interesting as when he first met me, I think thats the best way, right ?

Jessjoliver..... I guess you can try to do that too. Hope your next post is a happy one Good luck.

[SilverSunGril]

I am new as well to this. I myself am going through similar things. And issues.

[jess_mp]

Mmmm you're not gonna lose the spark if you put some creativity in it.
You don't have to talk about interesting things all the time... sometimes my bf and I just cuddle together, we skype, he lies on his couch, I lie on my bed, we fall asleep together... sometimes we listen to music together and relax, somethings he takes his ipad to the kitchen and I see him cook...other times we're playing games online... other thimes I've danced for him on cam lol I've sent him food to his place! you can do this... I live in Mexico and he lives in the Netherlands and I am still able to surprise him with delivery food. You just have to find a site where you can order /pay food online.
But yeah, I guess at some point there's lack of conversation, it happens to us, when we are tired of talking on skype we just have a break... go to sleep, next day the spark is there again

[luv]

going through the same thing. he doesn't have internet in his apartment anymore so there is very little communication. the only advice i can tell you is to keep the communication going - it's more about quality than quantity. the fact that he texts you when you wake up or go to bed is a good sign that he cares and wants to reassure you of his feelings. just try to hang tight until you can see him, which will be very soon!

[Belle]

My SO and I went through a stage when it felt like all we said was "I love you and miss you." It sucked and it made me worry a lot. But I think it was just the transition between the honey moon stage and the rest of our wonderful relationship. It felt like we had to have something interesting to talk about but now we are able to talk about everything.
We also watch a lot of shows simultaneously so we aren't on Skype for hours forcing ourselves to talk the entire time. We have a lot of fun this way =). Just do things "together" to take the pressure off. Good luck, you don't have that much more time to go.

[brooksrobinson]

Have you thought about a skype dinner date? Do the same meal and have candles and a glass of wine and maybe not talk everyday.I skype with
mine once a week she is a my Russian queen she lives in tambov Russia and I am live in Florida, I the don't talk about the weather.but just try to do something romantic over skype.hope this helps and good luck!!!

[JoeyBug]

Do you skype every day? Perhaps there is a little too much pressure on the regular calls to be special and interesting, and that's quite a high expectation to have.

Me and my SO only talk on the phone about once a week - sometimes less often than that - so we kind of store up things to talk about. Most of it is really dull - what I did in the week, what he did in the week, what I'm having for dinner, when my next exams are etc. When one of us gets too tired to talk, we don't push it, we just say goodnight and leave it there.

A month can fly by. Maybe you could try starting a little project that you can talk to him about or surprise him with. It'll keep you busy and help the time to go quicker.

Good luck x

I agree with Lovebee, my SO and I only talk on the phone once or twice a week. Mostly to save on costs, but also because we used to talk every day and we'd find things to talk about, but then time would be spent in an uncomfortable silence sometimes so we switched to once or twice a week and it means we have a LOT to talk about. We text each other daily and send photos and such, so that might be an idea.

As for the month wait, another member (I forget which) gave some advice and said that get two jars, one for days gone and one with days to go. Fill the days to go with buttons, one for each day, and then at the end of the day move one button into the days gone and you'll some see the right one filling up and the other one dwindling. They said that it really helped them see how far they'd come and count down the days to go. I wish I could remember who posted it, because it was a cool idea and I love it. If anyone knows, can they add it to the thread?

Anyway, good luck, a month more and you'll be together!