How do I do it?

[lafleur]

I think this might be my second post on here, but I'm really feeling like I need some support. My SO recently went back to the UK (Feb 16th) and I've recently found out I won't be able to study abroad this fall. I think the only thing that was getting me through the sadness of him leaving was the thought that I'd have several months with him this fall. Now I'm faced with the fact that I'll only be able to see him once more this year. The absolute earliest we could close the distance is next fall, but that's not assured because it depends on me getting in to graduate school there. I love him, and I want this to work, but I need some advice. How do you deal with the loneliness? Or the sadness? I'm going through a rough patch and right now all I can see is the many months ahead of me without him.

[kittyo9]

Same for us, I haven't seen him since August and I may or may not see him between now and Fall 2014 (I really don't know), and we will only be closing the distance at that time IF he gets into grad school here. If he doesn't, I don't even know. So right now I'm literally just running on love. I don't have a date to look forward to. My world is a mess right now. We just spend as much time as possible online together and try not to think about it.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, but at the very least, you're not alone!

[lafleur]

That is a lot of help. Really the worst part of all this is feeling alone. I don't know anyone in a similar situation, and it's comforting to know there are people out there. Misery loves company, right? We do spend a lot of time iMessaging and Skyping, but he's a mechanic and is often exhausted after work. Never seems like enough, you know?

[kittyo9]

That is a lot of help. Really the worst part of all this is feeling alone. I don't know anyone in a similar situation, and it's comforting to know there are people out there. Misery loves company, right? We do spend a lot of time iMessaging and Skyping, but he's a mechanic and is often exhausted after work. Never seems like enough, you know?

Mhmm! My SO and I are both in school, and while he gets home very late, I have some very mentally exhausting days, so the combination makes some nights really crappy. We just IM like... all the time when we're both home. He's not as fond of Skype, but he just got new internet service, so I think he'll like it more now. Sometimes I drive myself mad thinking of ways I could close the distance earlier, but they all involve moving to a country whose language I don't speak where I'll be lucky to make even 1/4 of what I would make here in the states. :P

[Tooki]

Mhmm! My SO and I are both in school, and while he gets home very late, I have some very mentally exhausting days, so the combination makes some nights really crappy. We just IM like... all the time when we're both home. He's not as fond of Skype, but he just got new internet service, so I think he'll like it more now. Sometimes I drive myself mad thinking of ways I could close the distance earlier, but they all involve moving to a country whose language I don't speak where I'll be lucky to make even 1/4 of what I would make here in the states. :P

Just to go off a tangent, it isn't all about the money. If I could get the same job in Estonia that I could in Australia, I would move there if need be. Plus if you do move there and live with him, surely that would increase your chances of getting him a green card in the US.

[lafleur]

I think those things, too, but I know I can't just get up and leave. I'm incredibly close to graduating. I'm basically banking on getting in to school there. And if I don't...well...maybe I'll have to give more thought to some of my crazy plans.

[kittyo9]

Just to go off a tangent, it isn't all about the money. If I could get the same job in Estonia that I could in Australia, I would move there if need be. Plus if you do move there and live with him, surely that would increase your chances of getting him a green card in the US.

It is more about the money for us. There is no way I could get a job in my field in Peru, particularly because of the language barrier. He currently has $0 to his name and will only have a few months to make enough to take his graduate exams (GRE and TOEFL) and afford the application and mailing fees. It is really important for us that we save up a lot of money so that we can move without worry, and the truth is that the best opportunities for us-- in terms of quality of life and education-- are here. I'm the breadwinner right now.

In terms of green card stuff, the only way he's getting a green card is if/when we get married. Living together prior to that won't really make a difference. We plan on living together in the states before being married, anyway.

I really do wish I could just pick up and move there sometimes, but at this point in my life I just cannot make any definite decisions for the future because of my stupid masters thesis work. I want to go back to Peru, but I don't know when or how I can between not knowing if/when I'll graduate and if/when I'll get a job.

[kiara_silver]

This is similar to what almost happened with me. My SO recently went back to the UK just a week ago. And I plan to go there in August, but it almost didn't happen. Fortunately were working through this and our plans look like there going to come true. Me and my SO a year ago went through 9 months being long distance. And even when it was just a month apart it was still hard. Wanting to hurry and close the distance. You say you guys im back and forth, maybe also planning a date night to look forward to once a week, that always is nice having "your day" Writing hand written letters is nice to have even if just one, to read when your missing one another. Not to much advice, it's hard, I hope you guys find a way to close the distance next fall

[Tooki]

It is more about the money for us. There is no way I could get a job in my field in Peru, particularly because of the language barrier. He currently has $0 to his name and will only have a few months to make enough to take his graduate exams (GRE and TOEFL) and afford the application and mailing fees. It is really important for us that we save up a lot of money so that we can move without worry, and the truth is that the best opportunities for us-- in terms of quality of life and education-- are here. I'm the breadwinner right now.

In terms of green card stuff, the only way he's getting a green card is if/when we get married. Living together prior to that won't really make a difference. We plan on living together in the states before being married, anyway.

I really do wish I could just pick up and move there sometimes, but at this point in my life I just cannot make any definite decisions for the future because of my stupid masters thesis work. I want to go back to Peru, but I don't know when or how I can between not knowing if/when I'll graduate and if/when I'll get a job.

In your situation I would do the same thing

[lafleur]

This is similar to what almost happened with me. My SO recently went back to the UK just a week ago. And I plan to go there in August, but it almost didn't happen. Fortunately were working through this and our plans look like there going to come true. Me and my SO a year ago went through 9 months being long distance. And even when it was just a month apart it was still hard. Wanting to hurry and close the distance. You say you guys im back and forth, maybe also planning a date night to look forward to once a week, that always is nice having "your day" Writing hand written letters is nice to have even if just one, to read when your missing one another. Not to much advice, it's hard, I hope you guys find a way to close the distance next fall

Do you mind if I ask how you're going to close the distance? It seems like marriage is the solution for a lot of people.

[lafleur]

It is more about the money for us. There is no way I could get a job in my field in Peru, particularly because of the language barrier. He currently has $0 to his name and will only have a few months to make enough to take his graduate exams (GRE and TOEFL) and afford the application and mailing fees. It is really important for us that we save up a lot of money so that we can move without worry, and the truth is that the best opportunities for us-- in terms of quality of life and education-- are here. I'm the breadwinner right now.

In terms of green card stuff, the only way he's getting a green card is if/when we get married. Living together prior to that won't really make a difference. We plan on living together in the states before being married, anyway.

I really do wish I could just pick up and move there sometimes, but at this point in my life I just cannot make any definite decisions for the future because of my stupid masters thesis work. I want to go back to Peru, but I don't know when or how I can between not knowing if/when I'll graduate and if/when I'll get a job.

I think being in a LDR at this point in our lives is incredibly difficult. We're old enough to want it, but not yet in a position to make these decisions. In my personal field I absolutely won't be able to find a job until I further my education. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much of an education, but he does have a skilled job. There is the chance of him finding a job here, but why would anyone hire him over an equally skilled person that doesn't need to be sponsored?

[kittyo9]

I think being in a LDR at this point in our lives is incredibly difficult. We're old enough to want it, but not yet in a position to make these decisions. In my personal field I absolutely won't be able to find a job until I further my education. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much of an education, but he does have a skilled job. There is the chance of him finding a job here, but why would anyone hire him over an equally skilled person that doesn't need to be sponsored?

Yeah, that's always been a matter of concern to me. If we get married, he can work once he applies for change of status and everything, but until then, he needs to find a grad school that's willing to pay him a generous stipend... which is also a concern! because often the stipends are only guaranteed to US citizens.

Y U SO COMPLICATED LIFE?!

[squeeker]

I'm so glad I found this thread!! I was at one point considering going to the UK to study and then that would mean closing the distance sooner.. but then it got more complicated because it costs soo much to study in the UK and I couldn't get that money.. and even if I did, I couldn't just live with my boyfriend because his dad and him have a house with housing benefits so they would look at it funny if I stayed with them for more than a vist. Eventually we both realized what was keeping us from closing the distance was essentially just money but to get enough money for our future and enough so that we can live comfortably together, we needed to go back to university and get a degree in something that we could get jobs in that we would like, and it also is something we can do together hopefully in the future. So we are looking at a good 3-6 years of more long distance ahead of us. At least in 2 1/2 years, my boyfriend will be graduated and can look for a job or set up a business and make more money for us, while I'll have a couple years after that. It's frustrating how it took us this long to decide what we wanted to do, but I think we needed to have met each other to have decided. It was all a part of our journey.

When I get frustrated, I just remind myself.. what's the rush really. I mean, long distance is very hard and it's so tough being away from the ones we love, but it's part of our story, and we have our own unique stories from those around us. Long distance relationships are like any other relationships, though in some ways much tougher, there are still ways to be connected and communicate with each other. I just have to keep reminding myself of why I'm doing this and I get through it.. I think a lot of times I am running on love too. We have our next visit booked, but sometimes it feels really frustrating when other people can close the distance after a much shorter time but we can't. I guess that's what we get for being in international relationships and not having huge amounts of cash at our disposal. But I like to think of it as.. I could have met my boyfriend when I did or I could have met him after I figured out what I wanted to do and got a good job and lots of money.. I'm glad I met him when I did because my life would be so much different if I hadn't met him and we have helped each other make goals for our future, which we might not have done if we hadn't met each other.

Anyways, I just wanted to write and let you all know that you aren't alone and show my appreciation for all of your comments in this thread. I like reading other people's stories like this.

[lafleur]

I'm so glad I found this thread!! I was at one point considering going to the UK to study and then that would mean closing the distance sooner.. but then it got more complicated because it costs soo much to study in the UK and I couldn't get that money.. and even if I did, I couldn't just live with my boyfriend because his dad and him have a house with housing benefits so they would look at it funny if I stayed with them for more than a vist. Eventually we both realized what was keeping us from closing the distance was essentially just money but to get enough money for our future and enough so that we can live comfortably together, we needed to go back to university and get a degree in something that we could get jobs in that we would like, and it also is something we can do together hopefully in the future. So we are looking at a good 3-6 years of more long distance ahead of us. At least in 2 1/2 years, my boyfriend will be graduated and can look for a job or set up a business and make more money for us, while I'll have a couple years after that. It's frustrating how it took us this long to decide what we wanted to do, but I think we needed to have met each other to have decided. It was all a part of our journey.

When I get frustrated, I just remind myself.. what's the rush really. I mean, long distance is very hard and it's so tough being away from the ones we love, but it's part of our story, and we have our own unique stories from those around us. Long distance relationships are like any other relationships, though in some ways much tougher, there are still ways to be connected and communicate with each other. I just have to keep reminding myself of why I'm doing this and I get through it.. I think a lot of times I am running on love too. We have our next visit booked, but sometimes it feels really frustrating when other people can close the distance after a much shorter time but we can't. I guess that's what we get for being in international relationships and not having huge amounts of cash at our disposal. But I like to think of it as.. I could have met my boyfriend when I did or I could have met him after I figured out what I wanted to do and got a good job and lots of money.. I'm glad I met him when I did because my life would be so much different if I hadn't met him and we have helped each other make goals for our future, which we might not have done if we hadn't met each other.

Anyways, I just wanted to write and let you all know that you aren't alone and show my appreciation for all of your comments in this thread. I like reading other people's stories like this.

I have to say, your response really made me smile and I appreciate the time you took to write such a lengthy response! I also think it is wonderful you two are taking the time to make your educations a priority. I often think the simple solution is marriage, but I have to remind myself that that will come in time. I'm still so young, and I have plenty of time to accomplish my dreams AND be with the one I love (as are you!). Rob and I are going on 8 years, and I'm starting to get road weary. But he keeps reminding me that we have just begun our journey. For most of that time he and I were too young to visit one another or consider a life together. Anyway, I digress, but I just wanted to say thank you, and responses like yours are making this difficult time much easier.

[chizatlauren]

It is more about the money for us. There is no way I could get a job in my field in Peru, particularly because of the language barrier. He currently has $0 to his name and will only have a few months to make enough to take his graduate exams (GRE and TOEFL) and afford the application and mailing fees. It is really important for us that we save up a lot of money so that we can move without worry, and the truth is that the best opportunities for us-- in terms of quality of life and education-- are here. I'm the breadwinner right now.

In terms of green card stuff, the only way he's getting a green card is if/when we get married. Living together prior to that won't really make a difference. We plan on living together in the states before being married, anyway.

I really do wish I could just pick up and move there sometimes, but at this point in my life I just cannot make any definite decisions for the future because of my stupid masters thesis work. I want to go back to Peru, but I don't know when or how I can between not knowing if/when I'll graduate and if/when I'll get a job.

Yeah I wonder how you'll be able to close the distance aside from getting married? It's actually hard for me and my SO too, especially since it's really, really hard to get a US visa in my country right now, even just for travel purposes. It sucks.