Could use some encouragment/information

[justinc87]

I am going to spill my whole story here so bare with me... I have been talking to a woman from Kaliningrad, Russia for about 6 months now. I live in Texas. I am planning on asking her to be my girlfriend tonight. I have very strong feelings for her. She is so sweet and caring. I don't have any questions about our compatibility. She gets to where I don't hear from her for a few days at a time and I get frustrated about that but I do believe that she also has strong feelings for me as well. Maybe I am just being impatient, she is very busy and I realize she also has her daily difficulties just like everyone else. From my understanding, it's not common to discuss your difficulties in Russia so it could even be her following their customs? I have sent her a few android phones that she was able to get activated so that we could talk and text but she has not got her internet set up yet. I also realize that it may cost a bit to get 3g internet there so I'm trying not to rush that... Anyway... we have talked about her coming here and getting to know each other. She was denied a visitors visa, she said she was going to talk to an immigration lawyer? Anyone know anything about that?? I know that when she comes here on a visitors visa, we MAY decide to get married before she leaves, in this case we can apply for a change to a temporary green card. If I go there and marry her she will have to apply for a marriage based visa... I am a police officer so I'd prefer to do this the safest, yet quickest way. Can anyone offer me some information/encouragement on this? It's a difficult situation as I know many of you know personally!

[snow_girl]

Sounds like you are jumping the gun a bit if you are already thinking marriage before you are ever official. Who was the one that first brought up the idea? Lots of people over there would love a green card to get out of where they are, i'd be careful thats not all she wants you for.

[justinc87]

Well, I have gotten to know her pretty well in the 6 months we've been talking. With the time it takes her to get her visa approved or till I'm able to get mine done if it comes to me having to go see her I figured we'd have a better feeling of how serious we are. Also with the time we're together in person. I don't plan on proposing as soon as we're together haha... I am just looking long term, I don't want to wait till the last minute figuring out details then have to wait a year or more because I did something wrong or at the wrong time. I made it clear to her that if the feelings weren't there or weren't mutual than she'd just go back and we'd continue on as friends. She happily agreed with that.

[ChibiFelicia]

It does seem like you're jumping the gun a bit. I understand that you do not want to have to wait for visa's etc but that is the nature of international LDRs. It also gives you time to get to know someone better. But anyway you should probably make it official first : )

Just a little thing cause you didn't make it clear in your post

I know that when she comes here on a visitors visa, we MAY decide to get married before she leaves, in this case we can apply for a change to a temporary green card.

If you do decide to marry before she leaves and she stays because you're applying for AOS (adjustment of status) from visitors to greencard, it is considered immigration fraud as you already have the intent of staying when arriving into the states. If i misunderstood your post my apologies, as i said im not really sure what you meant because you say "before she leaves" but then 'temporary greencard' To apply for the immigration visa legally you would have to marry then have her return to her country while the visa goes through it's process which takes 9-12 months (the time scale is obviously not set in stone).

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Well, I have gotten to know her pretty well in the 6 months we've been talking. With the time it takes her to get her visa approved or till I'm able to get mine done if it comes to me having to go see her I figured we'd have a better feeling of how serious we are. Also with the time we're together in person. I don't plan on proposing as soon as we're together haha... I am just looking long term, I don't want to wait till the last minute figuring out details then have to wait a year or more because I did something wrong or at the wrong time. I made it clear to her that if the feelings weren't there or weren't mutual than she'd just go back and we'd continue on as friends. She happily agreed with that.

Even still, I agree that you're massively jumping the gun. Marriage, even if you need to rush it a bit in order to close the distance, is something you should take seriously. Moving across the world for your SO is a massive, massive deal, and I would suggests to pretty much anyone that you try to meet a couple of times before you consider marriage to be an option. And when I say a couple of times, I don't mean one or two week visits, at least one of those should be a couple of months living under the same roof so you can see whether you actually work together well on a daily basis without getting caught up in the intense "You're only here for a few days" honeymoon attitude.

I think what you're suggesting is really risky. I would avoid trying to marry her so she could get a green card before she leaves. I think your best option is to wait for a few visits, so you can actually get to know each other - because as much as you THINK you know her, meeting someone online and meeting someone in person are completely different experiences, you learn so much more about someone when you know them in person - before you even consider closing the distance. Seriously. Do you really want to take the risk of getting married so you can date each other, and one of you moving to the other side of the world, and maybe the s**t hitting the fan and either you don't get on, or you do get on, but get rejected on suspicion of visa fraud?

Seriously re-think your options. After you've met. Focus on just meeting for now.

[lyonsgirl]

Wait... so if you've sent her phones and she doesn't have internet (but maybe I misunderstood that)... how did you meet? Have you talked to her via video chat?

I know you think you know her, but 6 months really isn't that long of a time period to get to know someone. Have you mentioned marrying so she could get a green card to her, or did she bring it up? I don't know anything about visas & what not because I haven't had to deal with them, but I'm pretty sure marrying for a green card is illegal (as snow_girl mentioned). You mentioned you're a police officer & want to do this "the safest way possible"... marrying now sure doesn't seem very safe to me.

[lucybelle]

Check out visa journey.com Lots of info there. And also lots of cases of people being used. I'm not saying your relationship isn't legit, I'm saying lots of people get betrayed.